Ensure
Mentally giving my self a shake down to try and get the images out of my brain and I snapped on a pair of medical gloves before turning my attention back to Mi. It was hard being me and a nurse sometimes, all to often I had to give up one part of me and now was the time to close the door on Emmet the human or else there was a good chance I was going to need a sick bowl my self.
“You done?” I asked almost all traces of shakenyness removed from my voice. Mi nodded but continued not to look at me Her face was red and her eyes where streaming as she tried to wipe the tears away from her eyes with shaking hands, her breathing was still ragged as well so much so I considered clipping her up to are various monitors and listening to her chest somthing i didn't want to do as it would scare her but was it possible that something as usually as simple as sickness could cause her to have a heart attack. It wasn’t so unheard of with people this underweight.
“Does your chest hurt Mi?” I asked sceptically eying her hand as it come to rest on her chest, but she ignored me her eyes very suddenly glazing other her breathing slowing. Though red and clearly in pain she almost seemed calm like this was the feeling she wanted. She was empty now, she was calmed. Only I new that this was not going to last I had to give her the Ensure.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
nothing like the rest of them (Mi's side)
Nothing like the rest of them
“Emmet it’s OK, you haven’t got to save me from everything.” Esmee said and as I peeked through a hole in my defence I saw her slip out around Emmet and stand right in front of him her black eyes staring right up into his. “I love you more then anything silly old bear.” Esmee soothed before standing on the very tips of her toes and planting a kiss on his lips. Emmet melted instantly and that was when his face contorted with his own fear and guilt as he watched my protective barrier of arms and legs.
Esmee searched his face desperately for the cause of his new found pain before practically shouting at him when he didn’t answer.
“What is it? Tell me!” She demanded
“She knows we are here, fully aware of everything I would say, just terrified and alone and I have just made it worse. Look at her position Esmee.” Esmee twirled around on one foot to look at me. “She thought I was going to hit her. I’m no better then the rest of them.” Emmet announced softly before Esmee turned around and slapped him hard on the arm.
“Your nothing like the rest of them.”
Of course she was right and instinctively I new this, somewhere in me something called out saying he would never hurt me so I slowly unwound my self from my body and walked up to him with as much confidence that I could muster and when I was no more then a few steps away from him I found my voice.
“I am sorry.” That was when my body finally gave in and I passed out.
“Emmet it’s OK, you haven’t got to save me from everything.” Esmee said and as I peeked through a hole in my defence I saw her slip out around Emmet and stand right in front of him her black eyes staring right up into his. “I love you more then anything silly old bear.” Esmee soothed before standing on the very tips of her toes and planting a kiss on his lips. Emmet melted instantly and that was when his face contorted with his own fear and guilt as he watched my protective barrier of arms and legs.
Esmee searched his face desperately for the cause of his new found pain before practically shouting at him when he didn’t answer.
“What is it? Tell me!” She demanded
“She knows we are here, fully aware of everything I would say, just terrified and alone and I have just made it worse. Look at her position Esmee.” Esmee twirled around on one foot to look at me. “She thought I was going to hit her. I’m no better then the rest of them.” Emmet announced softly before Esmee turned around and slapped him hard on the arm.
“Your nothing like the rest of them.”
Of course she was right and instinctively I new this, somewhere in me something called out saying he would never hurt me so I slowly unwound my self from my body and walked up to him with as much confidence that I could muster and when I was no more then a few steps away from him I found my voice.
“I am sorry.” That was when my body finally gave in and I passed out.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Esmee's body guard (Mi's side)
Esmee’s body guard
I lifted my hand from the side of my head and thrusted it in the general direction of Esmee who flinched slightly and scooted backwards at the same time, at exactly the same moment Emmet descended in seconds too, standing in the most protective position in front of his wife any person would ever see. He struggled to keep his face calm and controlled but the corners of his lips curled up almost revealing his teeth and with those teeth he clamped them down on his own lip. He was furious, no, beyond furious. He thought I had tried to hit her and no one was aloud to hurt her. His hands trembled slightly and semi conshously scruntched into fists.
I scooted across to the far side of the room away from him on all fours where I hid my head and stomach behind my arms and legs. I new this position well it was the best one to talk the blows and I thought Emmet was going to hit me any second because no matter how much I tried I could not summons the words to tell him I had just wanted to hold Esmee’s hand
I lifted my hand from the side of my head and thrusted it in the general direction of Esmee who flinched slightly and scooted backwards at the same time, at exactly the same moment Emmet descended in seconds too, standing in the most protective position in front of his wife any person would ever see. He struggled to keep his face calm and controlled but the corners of his lips curled up almost revealing his teeth and with those teeth he clamped them down on his own lip. He was furious, no, beyond furious. He thought I had tried to hit her and no one was aloud to hurt her. His hands trembled slightly and semi conshously scruntched into fists.
I scooted across to the far side of the room away from him on all fours where I hid my head and stomach behind my arms and legs. I new this position well it was the best one to talk the blows and I thought Emmet was going to hit me any second because no matter how much I tried I could not summons the words to tell him I had just wanted to hold Esmee’s hand
Friday, 7 January 2011
the one thing i am sure of (mi's side)
The one thing I am sure of
“hmmm, ummm, uhhh.” I mumbled frustrated at my self pissed off that all the words I was forming in my mind where coming out as nothing more then groans and mumbles and little wines.
I squeezed my fingers deep into the matted fur of mister hop and felt the breath increasing in my chest and getting stuck not to mention the nausea in my stomach. I bit down hard on my lip and with the fingers on my plastered hand I dug my nails into the flesh of my other arm. Now I still couldn’t talk and worse of all I wanted to scream again. Just because I couldn’t do anything else and it felt like I might explode if I didn’t do something.
I more yelped then screamed while pushing my body back and forth franticly rocking while burying my head In between my arms and in my utter frustration I throwed My Hop across the floor growling at the same time before picking up the speed of the rocking and squeaking with every breath that escaped from my chest.
“What can I do Emmet?” Esmee mumbled Walking over to me still on her hunches and I felt her delicate fingers smooth through my hair. “You always no what to do Emmet tell me how to make it better for her.” Esmee demanded despretly.
“You do make it better for her honey.” Emmet said crouching down beside her and putting a long arm around her shoulders. “I think she is still in there somewhere Esmee and I think that’s down to you.”
It was entirely down to her. That I was sure of.
“hmmm, ummm, uhhh.” I mumbled frustrated at my self pissed off that all the words I was forming in my mind where coming out as nothing more then groans and mumbles and little wines.
I squeezed my fingers deep into the matted fur of mister hop and felt the breath increasing in my chest and getting stuck not to mention the nausea in my stomach. I bit down hard on my lip and with the fingers on my plastered hand I dug my nails into the flesh of my other arm. Now I still couldn’t talk and worse of all I wanted to scream again. Just because I couldn’t do anything else and it felt like I might explode if I didn’t do something.
I more yelped then screamed while pushing my body back and forth franticly rocking while burying my head In between my arms and in my utter frustration I throwed My Hop across the floor growling at the same time before picking up the speed of the rocking and squeaking with every breath that escaped from my chest.
“What can I do Emmet?” Esmee mumbled Walking over to me still on her hunches and I felt her delicate fingers smooth through my hair. “You always no what to do Emmet tell me how to make it better for her.” Esmee demanded despretly.
“You do make it better for her honey.” Emmet said crouching down beside her and putting a long arm around her shoulders. “I think she is still in there somewhere Esmee and I think that’s down to you.”
It was entirely down to her. That I was sure of.
Not broken, not yet (Mi's side)
Not broken, not yet
I wanted to talk. I wanted to talk to them more then anything else right then but i couldn't. I had always been happy with my silence before then. I found it easier to contain everything if I didn’t have to monitor what was coming out of my mouth. Even to Emmet and Esmee the two people in the world I held some trust for I still had to watch my mouth with however now was not one of those times. I wanted to speak. I wanted to, no needed to say anything to get them to know I was there. I was Ok That I was not broken, not entirely and i never thought i would say that.
I wanted to talk. I wanted to talk to them more then anything else right then but i couldn't. I had always been happy with my silence before then. I found it easier to contain everything if I didn’t have to monitor what was coming out of my mouth. Even to Emmet and Esmee the two people in the world I held some trust for I still had to watch my mouth with however now was not one of those times. I wanted to speak. I wanted to, no needed to say anything to get them to know I was there. I was Ok That I was not broken, not entirely and i never thought i would say that.
She might not make it (Emmets side)
She might not make it
Mi observed the clinic room with suspicion. By necessity for the equip ment and stuff that was used in it.,this room was the only one in apple gate house that was not disguised as anything other then a hospital and Mi seemed to find this unnerving, until she retched into her hand again that was and the shutters came back up over her eyes.
“There you go.” I said handing Mi one of the cardboard vomit dishes that where found on nearly every surface of a general hospital. Mi retched violently into the bowl taking deep gulping breaths between each one that caused her tee shirt to suck in between the gaps in her ribs. This in turn made me feel kind of sick so I went over to open the window.
“Try and calm your self down Mi. Try and keep it down.” I encouraged after I pulled the window up wide open which was a rare treat when you where in the middle of a heat wave in a hospital where all the other windows opened just a tiny crack at the bottom.
Even with my encouragement the rest of the bit of Mi who was fighting her eating disorder faded and she vomited into the dish that I had given her. Reacting like I always did in this situations I went over perched beside Mi on the doctors bench and pulled her black hair back while trying to ignore the fact I had also managed to pull a fair amount if it out too but failing to hide my grimace any way. It felt like my every move could hurt her in some way.
I watched quietly trying to give as much comfort as possible as Mi retched over and over again her eyes shut tight and her expression one of agony as her body worked to hard to expel the food that It so desperately needed to keep on surviving and at that moment it first dawned on me that Mi might be just to unwell to keep on going That Mi might not survive. That This little Girl of just 15 might die.
Mi observed the clinic room with suspicion. By necessity for the equip ment and stuff that was used in it.,this room was the only one in apple gate house that was not disguised as anything other then a hospital and Mi seemed to find this unnerving, until she retched into her hand again that was and the shutters came back up over her eyes.
“There you go.” I said handing Mi one of the cardboard vomit dishes that where found on nearly every surface of a general hospital. Mi retched violently into the bowl taking deep gulping breaths between each one that caused her tee shirt to suck in between the gaps in her ribs. This in turn made me feel kind of sick so I went over to open the window.
“Try and calm your self down Mi. Try and keep it down.” I encouraged after I pulled the window up wide open which was a rare treat when you where in the middle of a heat wave in a hospital where all the other windows opened just a tiny crack at the bottom.
Even with my encouragement the rest of the bit of Mi who was fighting her eating disorder faded and she vomited into the dish that I had given her. Reacting like I always did in this situations I went over perched beside Mi on the doctors bench and pulled her black hair back while trying to ignore the fact I had also managed to pull a fair amount if it out too but failing to hide my grimace any way. It felt like my every move could hurt her in some way.
I watched quietly trying to give as much comfort as possible as Mi retched over and over again her eyes shut tight and her expression one of agony as her body worked to hard to expel the food that It so desperately needed to keep on surviving and at that moment it first dawned on me that Mi might be just to unwell to keep on going That Mi might not survive. That This little Girl of just 15 might die.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Save me twice, What the hell happened. (Mi's side of the story)
Save me twice
It took me a long time to loosen my grip on Esmee and to prise open my tightly closed eyes against the world but when I did I realised somehow they had managed to transfer me from the clinic room to the ECA. Some how they had judged I was worse then usual more of a threat, and I suppose in a way I was. The fact that I cant remember the nauseating face down lift to the clinic room proved that. Had I really now lost my mind? Sophie had never been so real, so alluring, so completely terrifying that I had lost my very presence as a person on planet earth. Sophie had consumed me completely. Esmee somehow had brought me back but still I was scared what if she came back? What if she couldn’t save me twice.
What the hell happened
About five minutes Emmet Swiped his card hey in the ECA door and slipped walked in carrying my pyjamas and Mr hop. I scooted a little bit further away from Esmee as he watched me with interest so only the tips of my fingertips stayed in contact with hers. I was still not brave enough to let go completely. Still not convinced that she was they only thing that was stopping me going crazy.
“How is she?” Emmet asked Esmee setting my belongings down in the corner of the room. “Is she responsive yet? She looks a little better?”
“She hasn’t spook since she has been in the clinic room but she isn’t screaming any more and she is slowly letting go of me now. What ever was frightening her has seemed to have gone now. I haven’t tried to get her to talk to me yet so I am not sure she can or want’s to here us. Have you managed to get hold of doctor Jordan?”
“He is just finishing up at the general hospital but he will come over as soon as he can. He told me to keep her contained in the ECA and keep her at an arms length observation with at least two people in the room with her until he gets back. He isn't sure what happened and needs us to be extra carefule"
“I don’t think that will be all that heard. She hasn’t let go of me yet look her fingers are still touching mine now I’m no sure what she will do if I pull away.”
“Is she hurting you?” Emmet’s voice suddenly went from work mode to frantic full of concern for his wife and her safety.
“Of course she isn’t. I don’t think she has tried to hurt me. She landed a few swips when i was carrying her up here but they wearnt directed at me."
“Then let her stay close for now.” Emmet said the relief in his voice evident.
“I am worried about her Emmet,” Esmee said looping her fingers through mine and sighing. “It looked like she some kind of psychotic brake.”
“I know my love it was scary and I am worried about her to. She has come to far to lose her self now.” Emmet sighed crouching down and picking up Mr Hop into one of his giant hands before coming over and placing it into my lap
“I know we aren’t meant to let her have it but if it makes her feel any safer right now I just don’t care.” Esmee nodded glumly and squeezed my hand a little tighter.
Oh good god what the Hell had I done? Was it really possable i had actually lost my mind?
It took me a long time to loosen my grip on Esmee and to prise open my tightly closed eyes against the world but when I did I realised somehow they had managed to transfer me from the clinic room to the ECA. Some how they had judged I was worse then usual more of a threat, and I suppose in a way I was. The fact that I cant remember the nauseating face down lift to the clinic room proved that. Had I really now lost my mind? Sophie had never been so real, so alluring, so completely terrifying that I had lost my very presence as a person on planet earth. Sophie had consumed me completely. Esmee somehow had brought me back but still I was scared what if she came back? What if she couldn’t save me twice.
What the hell happened
About five minutes Emmet Swiped his card hey in the ECA door and slipped walked in carrying my pyjamas and Mr hop. I scooted a little bit further away from Esmee as he watched me with interest so only the tips of my fingertips stayed in contact with hers. I was still not brave enough to let go completely. Still not convinced that she was they only thing that was stopping me going crazy.
“How is she?” Emmet asked Esmee setting my belongings down in the corner of the room. “Is she responsive yet? She looks a little better?”
“She hasn’t spook since she has been in the clinic room but she isn’t screaming any more and she is slowly letting go of me now. What ever was frightening her has seemed to have gone now. I haven’t tried to get her to talk to me yet so I am not sure she can or want’s to here us. Have you managed to get hold of doctor Jordan?”
“He is just finishing up at the general hospital but he will come over as soon as he can. He told me to keep her contained in the ECA and keep her at an arms length observation with at least two people in the room with her until he gets back. He isn't sure what happened and needs us to be extra carefule"
“I don’t think that will be all that heard. She hasn’t let go of me yet look her fingers are still touching mine now I’m no sure what she will do if I pull away.”
“Is she hurting you?” Emmet’s voice suddenly went from work mode to frantic full of concern for his wife and her safety.
“Of course she isn’t. I don’t think she has tried to hurt me. She landed a few swips when i was carrying her up here but they wearnt directed at me."
“Then let her stay close for now.” Emmet said the relief in his voice evident.
“I am worried about her Emmet,” Esmee said looping her fingers through mine and sighing. “It looked like she some kind of psychotic brake.”
“I know my love it was scary and I am worried about her to. She has come to far to lose her self now.” Emmet sighed crouching down and picking up Mr Hop into one of his giant hands before coming over and placing it into my lap
“I know we aren’t meant to let her have it but if it makes her feel any safer right now I just don’t care.” Esmee nodded glumly and squeezed my hand a little tighter.
Oh good god what the Hell had I done? Was it really possable i had actually lost my mind?
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