The powse of knowing (Emmets side)

The power of knowing

Wirth a shaking hand Mi reached out and grabbed the plastic cup and started to drink. Her body shook as she screwed up her eyes tight and drained the whole of the cup in one go before coming up for air.

“Good girl, well done, you are doing so well my love.” I encouraged but Mi didn’t here me as she reached for the table and did the same to the other cup of Ensure.

Like before she counted softly under her breath this time in the multiples of seven as her whole body trembled curled up in her usual ball against the wall. Her breathing jagged in her chest as she fought to get her breath back.

Soon the muscles in her stomach started to contract again like an invisible force had taken over her trying to manipulate the Ensure back up the way it came. Mi fought it as well as welcomed it a war against her self and as patients had said to me before you could never fight your self and truly win, she would lose one way or another.

“Can I go now please. I drank it please let me leave.” Mi almost begged as she pressed her hand tightly over her mouth her cheeks going red from a mixture of effort and embracement, this was an after meal ritual she normay conducted alone.

“Why would you want to do that? You fed up with me Mi?” I asked laughing a bit trying to distract her instead I seemed to make her cry as two tears crept out from under her closed eyes.

“Come on Mi try and keep that down, you are doing really well.” I said changing my voice again to soft as I placed my hand gently onto her leg and semi consciously she wrapped fingers of her good hand around mine. I brushed my thumb lightly over the top of her hand feeling every tendon and bone through her flesh another reminder that she needed this food, That the calories in that Ensure could be what kept her heart beating for another day.

“Sophie will you shut up.” Mi moaned suddenly in the back of her throat before she turned to glance at me concerned that I might of heard her talking to what must have been the monster in her head that made her do this to her self.

“She has a different name for you then?” I asked trying to look into Mi’s almost defeated eyes. She just looked confused.
“Most call her Ana.” I added

The effect was almost immediate the retching in her throat stopped and her stomach muscles stopped contracting and she turned to look at me her eyes wide her face shocked. I had got rid of Sophie for then at least. I had got rid of her purely because I new about her, because the part of Mi’s mind that was sick And became Sophie was not a secret to me.

“Ho…how did you know?” Mi gasped letting go of my hand like I had just given her an electric shock. “How did you stop her?”

The answer was simple I was not super human and I could not read her mind like she thought I just had it was a lot less divine then that. It was just that I had seen it before. Far to many times before in far to may people.

“Another thing you will learn here at apple gate Mi is we are not lying when we tell you, You are not alone.”

A new story

Hi everyone! Just me

Well this morning i got insperation for a new story and i know i got two on the go all ready that i wilkl keep on writing but when insperation hits it hits.

Well to the point, There is a new story in the creative corner of RYL called those you left behind. I am not sure weather i will continue but it would be cool if you would like to have a read of the first chapter and tell me what you think.

Thanks everyone, Vikki

and so the war starts again (Emmet's side)

And so the war starts again
After getting out of the measuring cup I went over to the fridge and opened the door seeing what flavours where residing in there before deciding the best option would be to ask Mi what she liked the best.


“What do you like Mi? Strawberry, chocolate, Asparagus? I turned my nose up at the last one. I couldn’t bereave they actually made an Asparagus one let alone any one of the nurses would of decided to have ordered it.


Mi didn’t answer my question instead she just gave me a shrug and looked confused, she still didn’t have a clue what she was in for yet and I still hadn’t thought of a way to tell her that wouldn’t freak her out.


“I heard that the chocolate is the best.” I said grabbing a bottle of it out of the fridge and going about measuring it out in the containers I had got out before when I got the right amount I poured the gritty brown liquid into the into two plastic cups before taking them over to the pull out table by the doctors bench, that was when the realisation registered upon her face and it hit her hard. I could see the colour draining out of her and wondered if it would get as far as actually drinking the stuff before she was sick again.


“Your going to have to drink that for me.” I said as gently as I could confirming what she all ready new.


What is it?” Mi asked staring at the mixture in the cups like it might grow legs get out and slap her in the face.

“It’s called Ensure. It’s a calorie boosting drink. Because your on the build up menu what ever you don’t eat calorie wise has to be made up with this.” I said softly. This of course was when Mi’s internal war started again and I as usual was powerless to help.　

Training day (Emmets side)

Training day
I am sorry this chapter is so long but it would be really cool if you could read it and tell me what you think about it. I mean it could be left out but i thought it added a bit more depth to Emmets side of the story.


Crystal, Audrey, Lauren, Andrea, Alice, Edward, Esmee and my self all filed into a tiny room and sat are self’s down in a semi cercal of chares that had been arranged in a collage class room. Two Woman  who had a striking resembalance to tweedle dee and tweedle dum off of Alice and wonderland stood at the front of the class room eyeing us up and down like we where a bunch of teenagers entering a class room and we might at any minute decided to start swinging of the curtains and light fittings like a pack of baboons. I sighed grumpy that I had to do yet more training that nearly never helped us in any situation we encountered at the hospital.


Esmee Squeezed my arm. She hated these thing more then me for completely different reasons. She was scared. In work she was a model of composure and compassion in a class room she was a terrified thirteen year old, another reason why I hated these training days. It hurt her and I couldn’t do anything about it.


Taking the two chairs closest to the door I sat one in and Esmee sat on the end, perched on the end of her chair. Her face was pale and her hands shook on her legs, her breathing was fast and uneven in her throat.


We had been married for four years and she still couldn’t tell me why this scared her so. Her history was dark and some of it was spent as the exact opposite of what she was now in similar units to what we worked in. She was a patient and because of that she was now a fantastic nurse.


“Do you need to leave?” I whispered close to her ear placing my hand on hers. One of the trainers glared at me for doing so like I was a school boy with a crush in a class room for the girl next to me. Not the husband, needless to say I glared back at her and won as she looked away.


“What and let this get to me? Esmee hissed staring at her hands willing them to be as still and as confidante as her face. “I’m not that girl any more” she whispered and focused her attention to the front of the class. I smiled breathed deeply and focused to. That was my wife.


The trainers started with there lecture and there plan for the day by writing Control and restraint and poison control in big letters on the board. The first part was simple. It involved us all hitting are RRA’S (which we had all be instructed to ware) at the same time effectively jamming the signals because every one’s initials would be trying to come through at the same time causing the most hideous sound with them and then trying to throw punches at each others faces while the other tried to restrain them. That in fairness could be amauzing.


After the two trainers gave a demonstration it was their time to do what teachers did beast and picked on the class members to give them a demonstration and in true teacher style they picked the kid that looked the most scared.


“Emmet, Esmee. Would you like to come and try it for the class?”


“Oh god no.” Esmee whispered under her breath trying to pretend that she hadn’t heard her name being said. I helped by glaring at ther teacher who had said it. This time she won.


“Come on guys no one here is going to bite.” The teacher encouraged. I growled at her.


“Fine, Fine.” Esmee said again getting to her feet and heading to the middle of the class room, her face one of perfect composure even though she was breathing nearly three times as fast as normal. I got to my feet and followed standing opposite her. We looked like we where about to go duewling with each other and I had the urge to bow low like something from the karate kid. The whole practise was stupid in my eyes. I had been attacked many times on the unit and never once had I been taken from the front and onyl once had they gone foir the face. For men it seemed the most populer part to go for was the croutch.


“Right Esmee I want you to try and hit Emmet in the face and I want you to respond how we showed you Emmet” The teacher instructed.


“ What? Are you kidding? She is half the size of me I am going to brake her In half If I take her to the floor.” I laughed nervously.


“Emmet there will be 10 year olds on the unit that you will have to do this to and they will be a lot smaller then Esmee here. This is designed not to hurt, she will be fine.”


At that with out warning Esmee flew in the direction of my face and seems I had been doing this in practise for over a year any way instinct kicked in and with out trouble I took Esmee down to the floor. Shit i would of rather of let her hit me.


“Oh dear god I am sorry!” I shouted rolling off of her where she stayed pined to the floor giggling her head off like a little school girl.


“That was fun.” She laughed and so the rest of the class joined in too.


“Good, good. Perfect  sneak attack Esmee. Emmet there was two things wrong with you. A, you rolled of her far to quickly and B, where was your RRA? Who is going to know you need help? So again.” I rolled my eyes and Esmee got to her feet still giggling, she seemed to enjoy trying to punch me in the face. Which made me laugh to.


The exercise was repeated but this time I was better prepared and smashed the button on my RRA just before I took Esmee to the Floor. The sound that followed was of course hideous, and sounded like a group of cats fighting so I silenced my alarm with my chin still laved on top of a giggling Esmee.


“Right good all round. Now it’s time to swap.” The teacher announced as I helped Esmee off of the floor, upon her instructions mind you I nearly dropped her again as I swivelled to look at the teacher  in the eye. She must be joking right? So why did she look so serious?


“You what me to try and smack her in the face?You realize if I do manage to do so she will have no face left. Again I am twice her size and as you said we will be restraining ten year olds. Have you seen a ten year old look like me before?”


“You will also be restraining 17 year old boys that have gone through puberty and built like brick out house even though they are still classed as children. Esmee will have to face people much bigger then her out there.”


“You make it sound like we are going to war.” Alice laughed from within the corner but sounded nervous.


“Emmet will you just deck me all ready?” Esmee sighed looking up at me from under her eyelashes. I raised my eye brows and she giggled like a school girl again, this softened me up.


“Are you sure?”


“You’re a teddy bare.”  she baited in a playfull way smiling.
With that I smiled and launched forward in an attack and hell she was quick. She smashed her alarm (causing the cat chores again) jumped behind me kicked out my legs and had me flat on the floor holding me in a restraint that even I couldn’t wiggle out of.


“Gotcha”  She giggled


“Impressive.”


“How about we do this again at home later on?” Esmee whispered in my ear.


“easy tiger,“ I laughed as Esmee rolled off of me and got to her feet and I followed though a lot less graceful the how she did it.


“Well done, well done, Esmee he was not an easy opponent and you had him restrained well. Give them a hand class.”


The rest of the staff on the training responded with a typical class room round of applause which made Esmee blush a beautiful red colour before we took are seats again


“Right now I want you all to get with partners, the bigger the difference in size the better. So Esmee if you could go with Edward, Crystal you go with Emmet…”


“Luck bloody sod, I would like to get my hands on her.” Esmee Whispered in my ear and I had to stuff my hand in my mouth to stop me laughing out loud. It seemed that being in a class room was making us regress to high school kids after all.


“...Audrey you go with Alice and Lauren go with Andrea, we will swap in a minute. I want all you lovely ladies to get a go on Emmet.” At this Esmee shoved her had into her mouth to. “Either my self or Ruth will come round and Asses you and then we will move on to another restraint after that we will brake for lunch and start on poison control.”


The rest of the morning was spent as I predicted and time lunch time come we all had headaches and decided to by  paracetamole with a sandwich at Sainsbury’s before getting ready for round two.


Esmee and my self sat on a bench together to eat when Esmee paused with the sandwich half way up to her mouth and swallowed hard before placing it back into her packet.


“You all right Honey?” I asked putting my sandwich down too.


“Not a strong moment Esmee.” She mumbled to her self before picking up her sandwich at this time taking a bite. Chewing and swallowing.
“Do me a favour?” She whispered leaning close into my arm. “talk about a patient.”


“Ok, are you all right honey?”  I asked


“If you talk About a patient I know how far I have come and I know what ever is nagging me stopping from eating this is not stronger then me because I am not a patient any more.”


“I didn’t realise you still had thoughts about it. I’m sorry.”


“She isn’t bigger them me Emmet. Now babble before I cave and she wins for the first time in a long time.” Esmee said firmly looking up into my eyes the same fire as she always had when she was passionate burning bright in them. She still battled daemons bigger then I would ever know every day but every day she won.


After a lunch of me going threw nearly the whole case history of both Jessica an 11 year old schizophrenic patient and Reece one of the 17 year old built like a brick out house boys Maggie the trainer had gone on about We headed back to the class room. Esmee had ate her sandwich and drank a bottle of orange juice. I could sense it was a massive achievement though she had brushed it off as nothing.


“What do you suppose poison control is about?” Alice asked from behind us on the way up the stares to the class room on the fourth floor. Making us both jump and nearly topple back down them


“Oh sorry,” Alice mumbled taking the five steps between us at a run so she was level with us.
“Overdose’s I would imagine.” Esmee said “Either because of med mix ups or intentional.”


“Intentional? How? I mean the meds all locked away and the patients considered as risk aren’t aloud out.”


Both Esmee and my self laughed at this. Alice had been a nursing assistant for just three weeks and those three weeks hand been relatively quiet she had so much to learn.


“If a kid is that set on Overdosing Alice they will find a way to do so.” Esmee said sweetly looking over at Alice. Alice looked like she had just been shot in the bum. She would experience that feeling a lot when she was new there.


Entering the room myself and Esmee took are normal positions next to the door and Alice scooted off over the other side of the room. Maggie and Ruth entered a few minuets later taking there positions at the front of the class and before Ruth wrote Poison control in big letters on the white board;


“As you know at the moment the only way that psyc units can deal with an overdose is to get a patient over to the general hospital. Now there is going to be another way. Your unit will now begin carrying these.” Ruth said producing a little white bottle from behind her back.  Does any one know what this is?” Ruth asked scanning the room.


Of course we all new. Well at least I did I dished out the stuff  when I worked at A&E as a general nurse more time then I dished out cups of tee. The substance was activated charcoal and had been used for years as the first defence of an overdose. The logic behind it was simple. Give it in the first hour after ingestion and it absorbed the toxin.


“Well this stuff is activated charcoal and from now on it is to be administered by you within the first hour of poisoning. Very simple the whole bottle must be drank by the patient. What I am here to teach you is how to get your patient to do that. First off there is a cup on the table each, I encourage you all to taste it. I would also take the cardboard bowl underneath it.”


There was a flurry of people  to get there cup including me Esmee was the only one not to move and I saw this on the way back to my seat. She was white and gray and staring into her lap taking big deep breaths. Her hands gripped onto the fabric of her jogging trousers. I discreetly put my cup under the my chair and turned my attnetion to her.


“Esmee honey what is it?” I asked gently placing my had on hers. It was then that one of her tears splashed down to land on my hand. She was crying. “Esmee talk to me.” I said softly trying to keep my own panic under control. She didn't cry often. “Esmee.”


“Em, give us your dish.” Esmee finely said retching into her hand. I reacted fast darting under my chair and grabbing the dish placing the charcoal on the floor and putting the dish in Esmee’s lap. I had learnt how to do this super humanly quick over the years.

Esmee was then sick which caused the rest of the room to stare at her. The her body began to shake before it dawned on me why, this wasn’t the first time Esmee had tasted charcoal she had many, many times before when she was younger. Esmee new what overdoses where like on a personal level she had taken them, she had tried to end her life far to often in this way and she new that the substance it the cups tasted like chalk mixed with sweatners and very gone off milk. With a hint of three day old cold tee. She new it made everything black and it was impossible to drink with out getting it over everything else. She new that the consistencey made it actually impossible to drink because it had the texture of thick cream mixed with sand mixed with coal and she also new when it got to the bottom of the bottle it was so congealed together you practically had to chew it to get it down.


“Get me the hell out of here Emmet.” Esmee moaned. Getting to her feet unsteadily. I then grabbed her around the waist and practically carried her out of the room into the hall way and into the girls loos at the end of the corridor where she detached her self from me and darted into the nearest cubical and fell to her knees on the grimy floor next to the toilet. I walked in behind her and knelt  behind her gently scoping her hair up behind her back I didn’t say anything. There was no need to she knew I was there and she new I loved her.


“I am an idiot.” Esmee stated trying to hide her tears as she finished vomating and lifted up her head from the loo and reachedd up to pull the flush.


“No your not.” I said sooftly pulling her body back in to my chest and wrapping my arms around her.


“I am meant to be a nurse. Able to handle this.” She stated firmly even though her voice cracked with trying to hold back the tears and her shoulders shook with the effort of keeping her self together.


“You are the best nurse I know.” I said leaning down and kissing her on the top of her head. “This doesn’t make you a bad nurse. This makes you a passionate nurse. I love you.”
At that her tears came and my heart almost broke too having to hear it.

The two worse substances known to man (Emmets side)

The two worse substances known to man


Leaving Mi to her self for a minute I went over to the cupboards and started unlocking them with various Keys looking for what I was going to need. She had brought back up all of her meal that she did eat and a good bit of it was left behind which means all calories would have to be made up for it liquid form. Which means she would have to struggle with nearly two whole cups full. Not to mention even the nest flavour tasted like horse pee. There was only one worse substance on earth that I had tried and that was Activate charcoal given in the case of an overdose. I had the joy of encountering this on a training day about a year ago. Where we where all encouraged to try the stuff. I never did but I didn’t need to something else was there to prove to me the power of this stuff.

I hope so (Mi's side)

I hope so

When my eyes fluttered open I was in the recovery position on the floor while Esmee and Emmet worked over me doing the various test they did when I collapsed like an idiot on them. I concluded that it must have been from the prick on my finger that made me come round as Emmet was now looking impatiently at the hand held glucose monitor while he attached a plaster other the little drop of blood on my bleeding finger. Esmee was bent over my out stretched arm with two fingers pressed to my wrist while she was looking at her watch. I guess she was checking my pulse. I half closed my eyes again, I didn’t care and that way I wouldn’t of had to deal with talking to them either because they would still think I was out.


“She skipped breakfast didn’t she.” Emmet said looking at the monitor frustrated with the number that he saw.


“Yep she threw it up over me..” Esmee said Looking at her hands and screwing up her nose in a cute little way that I had never seen her do before. It made it hard for me not to laugh and give the game away.
“I really should wash these.” She added more as a mental note to her self then any one else and Emmet smiled his Esmee smile the one he reserved just for her when she walked in the room or did something he found cute.


“I take it that they aren’t fantastic.” Esmee added scooting over next to Emmet so she could look at the monitor in his hands.” Her face showed the same expression as Emmet’s. I had learned these expressions where not a good sign, ever.


“Do you think she will eat something when she comes around?” Emmet asked Esmee who leant her head up against his shoulder and sighed closing her eyes.


“I hope so, I really hope so.”

Is any one still reading this?

I was just wondering if any one was actualy still reading this? I don't mind if your not i was just wondering?