Those eyes remain the same
less then elegantly I clambered through the whole in the hedge to get to where Emmet was ruining the daffodils.
“Ok my love.” I said gently placing my hand on Emmet’s back as he arched his back like a cat trying to expel a fur ball.
“I am sorry I really should of thought about how it would upset you to.” I whispered cringing slightly as Emmet threw up again even though I like Emmet had absolutely no problem when it come to affairs of the human body (Lets face it we are vile creatures really) it hurt me to see him sick. It hurt me to realise exactly how wrapped up in my self I had been. Emmet loved Mi too from the first day he meat her I saw it in his eyes. Mi was one he had to save. Mi was one that he couldn’t let go of. He would of done anything to take her pain away.
“I’m Ok. It isn’t your fault. I thought I would be OK.” Emmet whispered breathlessly straitening up and wiping off his lips with the back of his hand
“No harm done any way. Except maybe to the daffodils.” Emmet corrected. grimacing at the damage to the flowers.
“Come on lets get you back to the car before someone see’s us lurking in the bushes and calls security.” I said laughing unable to help it as I examined the details of his face. I loved every one of those details more then life it’s self. I loved him more then I could every explain. I survived for him. I was still surviving for him.
“She’s very sick Esmee.” Emmet moaned as he clumsily tried to drag him self back through the narrow opening in the bash before turning around and practically lifting me out after him. “Her observations. They are just waiting for her to code again.” Emmet moaned as he wrapped his arm around my waist and started heading back slowly towards the car.
“I saw, but I tried not to. I didn’t want to be her nurse then. I wanted to be someone just to love her. Someone for her to open her eyes for.”
“ She is sitting right on the edge of life. Anything could knock her over.”
“She always has been.” I sighed moving my body in so it was closer to Emmet’s side. “She should have been admitted to the unit long before she was. When they come in that state I wonder where we went wrong.”
“Poor little girl.” Emmet moaned dully holding me tighter to him. “From what I you have heard you say though Esmee you where pretty far gone when you went to the unit.”
“I try not to remember.”
“I am sorry. I just hate to think of you like that. Most kids in there are only like that because someone hurt them. Hurt them badly. You say you where never hurt but sometimes I see it in your eyes.”
I insides screwed into a ball at Emmet’s evaluation. My lips after so may years where still sealed shut. I had never told any one. Not even my husband. Not even my parents. The truth would hurt them too, my life had been destroyed by what happened I would not destroy theirs as well as well.
"You see there it is again.” Emmet said interrupting my thoughts as he stopped walking and cupped my face in his hands making my look up into his jade eyes.
I have seen the whole of you change but those eyes remain the same.”
Thursday, 14 April 2011
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
(Esmee) Running away (Mi's side)
Running away
I pulled a chair around so it was positioned with my back towards the monitor. I was not meant to be here for her vitals. In this situation I was not her nurse. Just a friend. A stand in mother finger for some one that was a baby in so many ways yet didn’t have one. In short I was someone to love her.
“Hello baby.” I whispered gently picking up her limp had into mine. There where to many tiny tubes in it to squeeze tightly like I wanted to but there was on tiny patch where I could stroke the skin gently with my finger, some not quite dried blood that had leaked from the canola soaked into my finger tip. It was warm and alive but not hers, because going through the lines into the back of her hand was a dark crimson liquid. A liquid that someone had given an hour to give between popping to Sainsbury’s and picking the kids up from school. The same liquid that was now helping to save a 16 year olds life.
“I love you OK little one. More then you will ever except that is for sure, but you need to know there is someone who loves you, so there is someone to survive for.” I whispered again gently as I discreetly soughed out the leaking drip when Jasper wasn’t looking.
“Ez.” Emmet said stiffly. He was still standing just inside the door way his whole body slumped to one side while he held on to the frame for dear life with trembling hands. His face was a deathly shade of white and his eyes shone with his tears while his bottom lip quivered in a way that would have been cute if it wasn’t for the fact he looked like he was either about to vomit or burst into tears.”
“Emmet, What’s the matter?” I asked gently placing Mi’s hand back down beside her again before going over to him and placing my hand on his shoulder. The movement made him flinch. Something he had never done before, not in all the time I had known him.
“We should leave.” I said firmly raising my self up onto tips toes to try and put my face in his line of eye to stop him staring at Mi’s hocked up body. I did not want to leave her side but Emmet was more important right then. Here was when I would look after him like he had done to me. When I would become the pillar to hold up the crumbing. I had not thought of Emmet’s reaction. I had assumed he would have been OK. I new he was Ok with the medical side of things needles, blood, vomit and any other bodily fluid didn’t bother him at all it was the other side that had almost thrown him to his knees. Someone he new so well, hardly clinging to her life. Someone who used to cry, to smile, to shout and then make jokes. Someone who used to make him roar with laughter before blinding him by tears lay barley human in front of him. Now more machine then flesh and blood.
“Come on Emmet.” I urged, tugging strongly on his arm and trying as best as I could to drag him out of the room.
When out of the confines of Mi’s room Emmet took off at an almost run up the corridor towards the exit of the ICU his speed catching me by surprise. I walked quickly after him not wanting to actually run. It seemed almost disrespectful to run in a ward of extremely sick people but once I got out into the main corridor of the hospital. I took off at a run after him as he turned towards the sign that read main exit.
It was outside that I finally got to him again and found him discreetly behind a slightly overgrown bush trying not to draw attention to him self while he puked into the flowers.
I pulled a chair around so it was positioned with my back towards the monitor. I was not meant to be here for her vitals. In this situation I was not her nurse. Just a friend. A stand in mother finger for some one that was a baby in so many ways yet didn’t have one. In short I was someone to love her.
“Hello baby.” I whispered gently picking up her limp had into mine. There where to many tiny tubes in it to squeeze tightly like I wanted to but there was on tiny patch where I could stroke the skin gently with my finger, some not quite dried blood that had leaked from the canola soaked into my finger tip. It was warm and alive but not hers, because going through the lines into the back of her hand was a dark crimson liquid. A liquid that someone had given an hour to give between popping to Sainsbury’s and picking the kids up from school. The same liquid that was now helping to save a 16 year olds life.
“I love you OK little one. More then you will ever except that is for sure, but you need to know there is someone who loves you, so there is someone to survive for.” I whispered again gently as I discreetly soughed out the leaking drip when Jasper wasn’t looking.
“Ez.” Emmet said stiffly. He was still standing just inside the door way his whole body slumped to one side while he held on to the frame for dear life with trembling hands. His face was a deathly shade of white and his eyes shone with his tears while his bottom lip quivered in a way that would have been cute if it wasn’t for the fact he looked like he was either about to vomit or burst into tears.”
“Emmet, What’s the matter?” I asked gently placing Mi’s hand back down beside her again before going over to him and placing my hand on his shoulder. The movement made him flinch. Something he had never done before, not in all the time I had known him.
“We should leave.” I said firmly raising my self up onto tips toes to try and put my face in his line of eye to stop him staring at Mi’s hocked up body. I did not want to leave her side but Emmet was more important right then. Here was when I would look after him like he had done to me. When I would become the pillar to hold up the crumbing. I had not thought of Emmet’s reaction. I had assumed he would have been OK. I new he was Ok with the medical side of things needles, blood, vomit and any other bodily fluid didn’t bother him at all it was the other side that had almost thrown him to his knees. Someone he new so well, hardly clinging to her life. Someone who used to cry, to smile, to shout and then make jokes. Someone who used to make him roar with laughter before blinding him by tears lay barley human in front of him. Now more machine then flesh and blood.
“Come on Emmet.” I urged, tugging strongly on his arm and trying as best as I could to drag him out of the room.
When out of the confines of Mi’s room Emmet took off at an almost run up the corridor towards the exit of the ICU his speed catching me by surprise. I walked quickly after him not wanting to actually run. It seemed almost disrespectful to run in a ward of extremely sick people but once I got out into the main corridor of the hospital. I took off at a run after him as he turned towards the sign that read main exit.
It was outside that I finally got to him again and found him discreetly behind a slightly overgrown bush trying not to draw attention to him self while he puked into the flowers.
Sunday, 10 April 2011
(Esmee) built on sand (mi's side)
You got wires going in,
You got wires coming out of your skin
There’s dried blood on your wrist
Your dried blood on my finger tips.
Wires
Athlete
Built on sand
“I should warn you she is in a bad way.” The nurse said as she stopped outside a door with a sign on it that read in a big childish font, Hi, my name is Mia and my nurse is Jasper. The whole thing seemed ridicules. Here I was standing outside being told that what I was about to see was horrible and on the door was a chatty style poster making it sound like I was about to walk into any small child’s bedroom in their own house.
“She is being kept sedated for now so she wont be aware and there will be a tube coming from her mouth that is breathing for her. There is also two chest drains and various other drips and things.” The nurse said gently.
“there is someone in there with her all the time at the moment just to monitor her progress. In fact I think it is Jasper right now so he will be able to answer any questions that you have.” the nurse smiled again before opening the door and popping her head round.
“Mia’s family is here to see her if that is OK.” the nurse announced before stepping to one side and letting us in the door, barely waiting before we stepped over the fresh hold before she clicked the door shut behind us.
I squeezed Emmet’s hand tightly as I tried to focus on the bed in front of me. It was Mi, barley, buried under a pile of equipment that come in and out of different patches of skin. From her mouth draping down over her body was a pale blue tube that attached it’s self to a machine that puffed away somewhere to the right of her. This machine was now working as her lungs and with every rhythmic gush of air Mi’s chest rose and fall accordingly. To slow for Mi’s natural breathing pattern which was generally a lot faster and a lot shallower. To alien for it to be a part of her delicate presence.
There where drips in every vain that doctors could get hold of all with dried blood incrusted around the edges. The canules where quick and messy but they did the job. In the A&E there would have been no time for neatness, every second she was sdwn was a second more then she had.
There where two pots on the floor by her bed for her chest tubes both about a third full of a murky liquid and a bag as the out put for her catheter attached it’s self to then end of her bed.
If ever there was to be a picture for an anti suicide campaign here it was. Lying still, non moving, hair messy, bruised, battered, dried blood. Alive but barley even there. A shell of the person that used to belong, more tubes then flesh no personality no nothing.
I flicked my eyes over to the monitor and tried to take in the numbers. It was times like this I wished I didn’t realize what they meant. If I didn’t I could of kept on thinking that the earlier report of “stable” that Emmet had been given over the phone was correct, but I did no what the numbers and pretty flashing lights meant. In reality all the foundations of Mi’s recovery where built on sand at any time everything including her life could slip away.
Sunday, 3 April 2011
(Esmee) Red, amber, green (Mi's side)
Red, amber, green
I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Emmet didn’t want to take me so I had no idea why we had come. All I new was I had to. ICU was not a nice place. Here every one was closer to death then they where life. Many where sedated others where to sick to move so just acted sedated. And by tomorrow if the statistics where anything to go by. Over six of the current patients would of died leaving six confused and upset family’s in there wake.
“Are you family?” The nurse asked suspiciously from the other side of the desk.
“We are the only family she has.” I said meekly though my eyes drifted over the nurses head to the three white boards behind her labelled red, amber and green. The ICU was split into a traffic light system like are observations on the unit. Every body here was critical but there was also further division into three different sections. The red bays where the worse, Amber somewhere in between and green serious but with hope. The people in green would probably make it out of the ICU compared to the people in red where the majority would be heading for the morgue. It was on the board labelled red I finally saw the name Mia Rose Dorado scrawled at the bottom.
I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Emmet didn’t want to take me so I had no idea why we had come. All I new was I had to. ICU was not a nice place. Here every one was closer to death then they where life. Many where sedated others where to sick to move so just acted sedated. And by tomorrow if the statistics where anything to go by. Over six of the current patients would of died leaving six confused and upset family’s in there wake.
“Are you family?” The nurse asked suspiciously from the other side of the desk.
“We are the only family she has.” I said meekly though my eyes drifted over the nurses head to the three white boards behind her labelled red, amber and green. The ICU was split into a traffic light system like are observations on the unit. Every body here was critical but there was also further division into three different sections. The red bays where the worse, Amber somewhere in between and green serious but with hope. The people in green would probably make it out of the ICU compared to the people in red where the majority would be heading for the morgue. It was on the board labelled red I finally saw the name Mia Rose Dorado scrawled at the bottom.
(Esmee) To the floor 2 (Mi' side)
Ok i love this chapter. I haven't a clue why. but i have to put a warning that there is adult content. It isn't extream and there is nothing in detal but if you don't know the basics of sex yet best to stay away.
To the floor 2
We sat in the kitchen intertwined together for a long time not doing anything but holding each other. He rocked me gently from side to side on his lap as he gently stroked my arm with his finger tips while I help my head up against his chest listening to the beating of his heart again. To me it was perfect and I could of stayed there forever. Wrapped in his arms totally safe with out harm but as with any perfect moment they always passed to soon. Or maybe that was a lie too. Maybe they all passed in the same time, maybe the bad ones just seemed to drag forever. The only truth was I new that they all passed eventually.
“Well Ez I would love to stay here like this all day but these kitchen chairs are uncomfortable and my ass is now not just asleep but completely unconscious.” Emmet said softly whispering into my ear witch made me giggle like an over grown school child before I slipped off of his lap to my feet Tucking my hair behind my ear and sneaking a look at him over my should, my trade mark smile upon my lips.
“You have no idea how bloody hot you are.” Emmet growled playfully at me pulling him self up from the chair with a heave but grabbed on to the table again as his numb bottom started to wake up. Of course this only made me giggle again.
“To bad your incapacitated by your own ass right now, or I could be in real trouble.” I laughed going over to the side of the kitchen and flicking the switch on the kettle so I could make tea.
“You know I want to go and see her right.” I said quietly as I placed tee bags into the cups. I wasn’t sure what Emmet’s reaction was going to be. He wouldn’t yell again he probably wouldn’t even be exasperated. To be honest they weren’t really what I was scared of any way. It was his disappointment I was scared of;
“I guess you would“ Emmet sighed. “I am not sure it is a great idea though Esmee.” Emmet said gently limping across the kitchen before going to the fridge and handing me the milk. I couldn’t look into his eyes. I wasn’t sure what they where going to look like.
“She’s all alone Emmet.” I moaned shyly turning to him and placing my hand on his solid built up chest before creeping it up to grab hold of him short cropped hair. I am not sure what he saw in my physical appearance but it wasn’t hard to see what I saw in him. Hi body was amazing with smooth muscular curves that made me want to press up close to him and lock my self there forever hoping that some magical force would make us one.
“I know honey but she is being looked after and she isn’t conscious at the moment any way, she wont know what is going on.” Emmet said answering my body’s pleas as he reached forward and pulled me back into his arms Wapping them around me before letting his hands come to rest on my bum that he gave a little squeeze making my concentration waver slightly as I tried to wind my body even closer to him. Desperate to have my skin touching his.
“I know that as well Em;” I whispered resting me heads back up against his chest “But if it was me I wouldn’t want to be in there all alone and if it where Are little Mia we wouldn’t just leave her there would we? I mean what if we had fostered her a little while ago? Would we just leave her there now?”
“We have not fostered Mi yet and Mia is are daughter Ez, they would expect us there in any one of those cases but not now.” Emmet said again making his voice even more velvety as he started to brush his lips over my forehead then down the right had side of my face until he reached the base of my throat before starting on my arms.
“Not to mention how it might make you feel.” He whispered before standing up again and resting his hands on my hips.
“She has no family Emmet. Well none that love her, none that care. There is no one else to see her and we are the closest things to parents she has.” I said moaning softly almost completely unable to concentrate now as Emmet started tracing his fingers over the out line of my breast while kissing me softly on the forehead again.
“Emmet what you doing isn’t fair. How can I argue with you when your making me feel like this.” I asked gripping my fingers into the fabric of his navy blue tee-shirt while I stood up on tip toes so I could reach his lips with mine where I kissed him heavily for a few moments. The feeling when are lips touched was amazing like two sides of a magnet and finally been able to come together and nether of us able or willing to be the first one to brake the electric bond that are lips had formed.
“I will take your there later. You are right “ Emmet said breathing deeply when he came up for air before pressing his lips back up against mine while with his hands he pulled my top up off over my head before trying to un hook my bra which as always he failed at miserably at.
“Emmet you terrible.” I giggled before reaching back with my own had and unhooking If for him letting it fall to the floor next to my top before pressing my body back up close to a now topless Emmet where he wrapped me in his arms and together intertwined with each other be sank down to the floor.
To the floor 2
We sat in the kitchen intertwined together for a long time not doing anything but holding each other. He rocked me gently from side to side on his lap as he gently stroked my arm with his finger tips while I help my head up against his chest listening to the beating of his heart again. To me it was perfect and I could of stayed there forever. Wrapped in his arms totally safe with out harm but as with any perfect moment they always passed to soon. Or maybe that was a lie too. Maybe they all passed in the same time, maybe the bad ones just seemed to drag forever. The only truth was I new that they all passed eventually.
“Well Ez I would love to stay here like this all day but these kitchen chairs are uncomfortable and my ass is now not just asleep but completely unconscious.” Emmet said softly whispering into my ear witch made me giggle like an over grown school child before I slipped off of his lap to my feet Tucking my hair behind my ear and sneaking a look at him over my should, my trade mark smile upon my lips.
“You have no idea how bloody hot you are.” Emmet growled playfully at me pulling him self up from the chair with a heave but grabbed on to the table again as his numb bottom started to wake up. Of course this only made me giggle again.
“To bad your incapacitated by your own ass right now, or I could be in real trouble.” I laughed going over to the side of the kitchen and flicking the switch on the kettle so I could make tea.
“You know I want to go and see her right.” I said quietly as I placed tee bags into the cups. I wasn’t sure what Emmet’s reaction was going to be. He wouldn’t yell again he probably wouldn’t even be exasperated. To be honest they weren’t really what I was scared of any way. It was his disappointment I was scared of;
“I guess you would“ Emmet sighed. “I am not sure it is a great idea though Esmee.” Emmet said gently limping across the kitchen before going to the fridge and handing me the milk. I couldn’t look into his eyes. I wasn’t sure what they where going to look like.
“She’s all alone Emmet.” I moaned shyly turning to him and placing my hand on his solid built up chest before creeping it up to grab hold of him short cropped hair. I am not sure what he saw in my physical appearance but it wasn’t hard to see what I saw in him. Hi body was amazing with smooth muscular curves that made me want to press up close to him and lock my self there forever hoping that some magical force would make us one.
“I know honey but she is being looked after and she isn’t conscious at the moment any way, she wont know what is going on.” Emmet said answering my body’s pleas as he reached forward and pulled me back into his arms Wapping them around me before letting his hands come to rest on my bum that he gave a little squeeze making my concentration waver slightly as I tried to wind my body even closer to him. Desperate to have my skin touching his.
“I know that as well Em;” I whispered resting me heads back up against his chest “But if it was me I wouldn’t want to be in there all alone and if it where Are little Mia we wouldn’t just leave her there would we? I mean what if we had fostered her a little while ago? Would we just leave her there now?”
“We have not fostered Mi yet and Mia is are daughter Ez, they would expect us there in any one of those cases but not now.” Emmet said again making his voice even more velvety as he started to brush his lips over my forehead then down the right had side of my face until he reached the base of my throat before starting on my arms.
“Not to mention how it might make you feel.” He whispered before standing up again and resting his hands on my hips.
“She has no family Emmet. Well none that love her, none that care. There is no one else to see her and we are the closest things to parents she has.” I said moaning softly almost completely unable to concentrate now as Emmet started tracing his fingers over the out line of my breast while kissing me softly on the forehead again.
“Emmet what you doing isn’t fair. How can I argue with you when your making me feel like this.” I asked gripping my fingers into the fabric of his navy blue tee-shirt while I stood up on tip toes so I could reach his lips with mine where I kissed him heavily for a few moments. The feeling when are lips touched was amazing like two sides of a magnet and finally been able to come together and nether of us able or willing to be the first one to brake the electric bond that are lips had formed.
“I will take your there later. You are right “ Emmet said breathing deeply when he came up for air before pressing his lips back up against mine while with his hands he pulled my top up off over my head before trying to un hook my bra which as always he failed at miserably at.
“Emmet you terrible.” I giggled before reaching back with my own had and unhooking If for him letting it fall to the floor next to my top before pressing my body back up close to a now topless Emmet where he wrapped me in his arms and together intertwined with each other be sank down to the floor.
Friday, 1 April 2011
(Together we are whole)
Mugh. I decided babbly in waht i do best do i am going to continue and i love writing about Emmet and Esmee i supose they are my ulatamit fantasy future.
Together we are whole.
I had no words to give after Emmet finished his rant. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. Instead I stared at the swirling glass of water in front of me and counted the little white tablets I had thrown across the table. My soul felt cold inside so could it had frozen the tears I had wanted to cry and locked them painfully in my chest.
In one big movement Emmet swooped upon the table and picked up the tablets and dropped them in the bin before returning and sitting next to me resting his elbows on the table.
“I should take you to A&E Esmee.” Emmet sighed deeply rubbing his hands over his face. I don’t know what to do honey. If you Suicidal you need to get help. I need to get you some help.”
Emmet moaned rubbing the tears out of his eyes before turning to look at me with his red face.
“Emmet I love my baby. I love my foster child, I love you and I love my job.” I said softly before taking a sip of the water from the glass in front of me to try and clear my throat.
“But I loved her too.” I squeaked. The tears finely melting inside me so they could fall from my eyes my body instantly becoming lighter and the blocked feeling in my chest drained away.
“I shouldn’t. She is nothing to me, just another patient but my heart feels different for her Emmet. I got to involved and I just can’t turn it off. I see her more as a daughter and then I realise that’s wrong too and I can’t sort it out in my head.”
“and you think killing your self will help that Esmee?” Emmet asked gently holding onto my had rubbing his thumb over the back.
“I’m not that bad Emmet. It was rage and fear that made me do that. I probably wouldn’t of taken them but the action of grabbing them felt good.”
“I don’t want you to become ill in front of me and for me to just ignore it Esmee. I don’t want to find you dead one day because I didn’t react to the signs. You have to be honest with me. Please. Are you in trouble?”
“I am sorry I lied to you Emmet. I was nothing before I found you and I know I mess up sometimes but whatever I do I do it because after all this time I can still hardly believe that you would love me as much as I love you. In my head it doesn’t make sense why out of every one you chose me. You can believe me though Emmet I promise I will never leave you or my daughter.” I said looking directly into my husbands stunning eyes. my voice cracked under my tears but I meant every word. How could I ever leave him?
“Good.” Emmet smiled though his eyes shone as well. “and I promise you are good enough Esmee. Your too good for me, but I thank god every day that I was aloud to have you anyway.”
Emmet said his voice heavy with sincerity before he leant forward grabbed me by the waste and pulled me from my chair onto his lap where we sat together, and when we where together me where truly whole.
Together we are whole.
I had no words to give after Emmet finished his rant. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. Instead I stared at the swirling glass of water in front of me and counted the little white tablets I had thrown across the table. My soul felt cold inside so could it had frozen the tears I had wanted to cry and locked them painfully in my chest.
In one big movement Emmet swooped upon the table and picked up the tablets and dropped them in the bin before returning and sitting next to me resting his elbows on the table.
“I should take you to A&E Esmee.” Emmet sighed deeply rubbing his hands over his face. I don’t know what to do honey. If you Suicidal you need to get help. I need to get you some help.”
Emmet moaned rubbing the tears out of his eyes before turning to look at me with his red face.
“Emmet I love my baby. I love my foster child, I love you and I love my job.” I said softly before taking a sip of the water from the glass in front of me to try and clear my throat.
“But I loved her too.” I squeaked. The tears finely melting inside me so they could fall from my eyes my body instantly becoming lighter and the blocked feeling in my chest drained away.
“I shouldn’t. She is nothing to me, just another patient but my heart feels different for her Emmet. I got to involved and I just can’t turn it off. I see her more as a daughter and then I realise that’s wrong too and I can’t sort it out in my head.”
“and you think killing your self will help that Esmee?” Emmet asked gently holding onto my had rubbing his thumb over the back.
“I’m not that bad Emmet. It was rage and fear that made me do that. I probably wouldn’t of taken them but the action of grabbing them felt good.”
“I don’t want you to become ill in front of me and for me to just ignore it Esmee. I don’t want to find you dead one day because I didn’t react to the signs. You have to be honest with me. Please. Are you in trouble?”
“I am sorry I lied to you Emmet. I was nothing before I found you and I know I mess up sometimes but whatever I do I do it because after all this time I can still hardly believe that you would love me as much as I love you. In my head it doesn’t make sense why out of every one you chose me. You can believe me though Emmet I promise I will never leave you or my daughter.” I said looking directly into my husbands stunning eyes. my voice cracked under my tears but I meant every word. How could I ever leave him?
“Good.” Emmet smiled though his eyes shone as well. “and I promise you are good enough Esmee. Your too good for me, but I thank god every day that I was aloud to have you anyway.”
Emmet said his voice heavy with sincerity before he leant forward grabbed me by the waste and pulled me from my chair onto his lap where we sat together, and when we where together me where truly whole.
(Esmee) More then one dies in this suicide (Mi's side)
more then one dies in this suicide.
“Esmee. Stop or I will stop you.” Emmet growled at my from the door bracing his body in the kitchen door way to stop him charging at me. Was he really giving me the Unit show down talk? Was he really warning me that he would restrain me like a child?
“You try and restrain me Emmet and I will counteract it twice as quick. I am not one of the kids. I know everything you will throw at me.”
“I know that. why do you think I am still standing here I am going to try something different. I am going to talk you out of it..
Esmee. From what I remember, charcoal tastes something like a mixture of baby sick, saw dust and goat piss mixed in with gone off milk to add the texture. The drip makes you feel like you are so heavy you are falling through the world beneath your feet and you feel so sick you can’t even raise your head to puke the ten times a minute that you need to do so mostly it just sticks to you face as you barley aim for then bowel that had been propped under your chin. Of course then there is the psyceatric assessment and if you are really lucky maybe you could get a place in Elm grove lodge truly get a feel for what it is like to be a patient again, because oh yeah you will be but don’t worry Esmee I here they have a lovely family room where I can bring Mia to see her mummy for an hour a week! Though I am not sure what I am going to say to bobby when he has to be sent away because we lost are licence. Or how I will support us both when you lose your job.” Emmet shouted the tears streaming down over his cheeks that he didn't even try to hide away.
“Oh and one last thing! If you do die I hope there is room up there for two because you can believe what you want Esmee but I know my own heart! There is no way I would continue to exist if you didn’t! More then one will die in this suicide!”
“Esmee. Stop or I will stop you.” Emmet growled at my from the door bracing his body in the kitchen door way to stop him charging at me. Was he really giving me the Unit show down talk? Was he really warning me that he would restrain me like a child?
“You try and restrain me Emmet and I will counteract it twice as quick. I am not one of the kids. I know everything you will throw at me.”
“I know that. why do you think I am still standing here I am going to try something different. I am going to talk you out of it..
Esmee. From what I remember, charcoal tastes something like a mixture of baby sick, saw dust and goat piss mixed in with gone off milk to add the texture. The drip makes you feel like you are so heavy you are falling through the world beneath your feet and you feel so sick you can’t even raise your head to puke the ten times a minute that you need to do so mostly it just sticks to you face as you barley aim for then bowel that had been propped under your chin. Of course then there is the psyceatric assessment and if you are really lucky maybe you could get a place in Elm grove lodge truly get a feel for what it is like to be a patient again, because oh yeah you will be but don’t worry Esmee I here they have a lovely family room where I can bring Mia to see her mummy for an hour a week! Though I am not sure what I am going to say to bobby when he has to be sent away because we lost are licence. Or how I will support us both when you lose your job.” Emmet shouted the tears streaming down over his cheeks that he didn't even try to hide away.
“Oh and one last thing! If you do die I hope there is room up there for two because you can believe what you want Esmee but I know my own heart! There is no way I would continue to exist if you didn’t! More then one will die in this suicide!”
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