Advice needed please !!!!!

How did people like Esmee's side of things when i was writing from her POV? i promise not to slip back into it for long but would people like it if time and again i went over to her point's of view so you could see hoe she is holding up or would people prefer for me to stick to Mi's side now and not differ. I have been fighting with my self over this but don't know so thought mayve you would. Advice please!!!!!!

Hero's and Villains (Mi's side)

Hero’s and villains

My mind moved in slow motion as I saw Esmee pull open the door. It must of happened in seconds but my brain turned it into hours. I tried to think of something to say to make her stay but I mostly had to fight with the same urge not to jump off of the bed and try to physically pull her back into the room; if my legs could of managed it I would of, I was prepared to try anything.

“You don’t get to leave!”” I finally shouted the words coming up from somewhere so quickly that I couldn’t stop them. I realised it was a poor argument but it was one, the only one that kept knocking into my head. She didn’t get to save me and then walk away from something I wasn’t aloud to. It was a far to simple thought process to matter in the slightest but for some reason to me it mattered, to me it was at that moment hugely irritating.
“You don’t get to walk away from the shit if I have to stay and live with it. If you where going to give up why did you try and save me, it wasn’t for my benefit surly; I had all ready given up.” I said the strange words tumbling from my mouth even though I tried to choke them back in. The argument was pitiful, there where a million and one batter ways for making her stay.

Esmee hovered at the open door and removed her had from the door handle hovering it jut above and thought. Her hesitation must have been momentary but to me it felt like a long time before she finally sighed heavily loosing some kind of war within her, pressed her eyes shut and closed the door again with her self still inside my room.

“I’m not walking away to give up on you, the only reason I would ever walk away is to save you or make it better for you, I’m not a super hero I’m just a stupid very insignificant human, and as a human sometimes the best thing I can do for someone is to go away. I don’t want to leave Mi I want nothing more then to stay, but if I do and I hurt you that makes me less then human, that make me the villain.”

A little strange request (Sorry no story)

OK so i am mad! Every one knows that by now any way so that statment wont be a huge surprise, any how considering the fact that i am mad that means i can ask strnge questions.

I am looking for songs! So has any one ever read a preticuler chapter from this story, or just the whole story in genral and thought, oh that reminded me of that song, or, oh that song would fit in there great. Or maybe you imagines a certan song playing in the background while you read. If so i need your haelp!

 Basicly music and writing are my only two real loves so i decided to combind the two and i have made up a playlist of all of the songs i relate to my story so i cna listen to them when i am writing to gain insperation, or even just listen to when i am reading the story back.

So..... to the point, i am good at babbling, if you have any recamendations for the playlist can you let me know the song name and artist so i can chek them out. I always want new music!

Out the door (Mi's side)

Out the door

I braced my body for the worst and prised my self away from Emmet though the whole of me ached to stay latched onto him so I could soak in his warmth and compassion, it was the only good thing that I felt and I new in seconds it would be gone.

“I’m not going anywhere Mi, I will get off of your bed and let you rest t but I’m not going to shout like your scared I’m going to and I’m not going to walk away.” Emmet said gently sitting up on the edge of the bed leaving me colder then I had prepared my self for; it appeared there was no way I would be able to brace my self for the pain it caused somewhere inside of me.

“This is stupid,” I muttered feebly wrapping my arms around my body in a vain attempt to replicate the security I had felt when he had been holding me still. He had been like a giant armoured shelter wrapped around me that had been impenetrable to the bad things that tried to get themselves in, my self alone against them offered no more protection then a straw house and the bad things had matches.

“Did I let go too soon?” Emmet asked gently smoothing his fingers through my messed up hair. I nodded grabbing hold of the blanket on my bed trying my best to hug it close to me

“The bad things keep coming to get me.” I whispered under my breath squeezing my eyes tightly shut. “The bad feelings that drive me so crazy inside and the hurt, the hurt is so big and it’s never ending it just sits in me forever making every thing so painful.” I whined as my upper body shook violently which made my voice shiver.
“ I know Esmee’s mad with, and she has every right to be, but I know she has felt it before and if she could only remember how much it hurts maybe she would understand why I sometimes feel like I would rather be dead then feel it anymore.” I moaned

“I remember it all to well.” I opened my eyes with a start to see Esmee stood just inside the door, for some reason I expected her to look different, harsher, meaner, with the same red eyes that scared me so much but she didn’t she was the same as I always remembered her which only made it harder for me to restrain my self and not climber off of the bed towards her again so I could hold onto her before she disappeared in front of me if only just to apologize to her; she may never be able to forgive me but she had to know I was sorry.
“Mi, I am so sorry, I promised you I would never hurt you on purpose and I just did and that is completely unacceptable. I understand if you don’t want me to be here any more and I can sign off as your primary nurse at the unit. I should not of done what I did and I don’t expect you to forgive me hell if I was you I wouldn’t but I wanted you to know I was sorry OK honey.” Esmee said smiling though her own falling tears before she turned towards the door and pulled down then handle to walk out of my crumbling life forever.

It doesn't matter so i will be honest (Mi's side)

It doesn’t matter so I will be honest

I cried for what felt like a long time locked up safe in the relative security of Emmet’s arms and I was acutely surprised when I stopped, I was sure I would cry forever or at least scream out for her but I had been sure of that before and as with everything ready or not, the outward show of pain stopped leaving the ach inside.

“Please don’t let go,” I whispered knowing that Emmet would remove him self from the bed now my crying had gone but I didn’t want him to let me go, I may have looked better but inside I was still screaming.


“ok, tell me when you feel like you can manage on your own then I will let you go.” Emmet said softly adjusting his arms around me. With out thinking I wrapped my arms around one of his and held on tight two gentle tears falling out of my eyes and splashing onto his hands

“Can I talk to you?” I asked gently closing my eyes against my surroundings so o couldn’t see them.
“Of course you can honey, you know that.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone when I cut my self in the bath I didn’t really even mean to kill myself either, I was killing something else, something deeper.” I moaned resting my head on top of Emmet’s arm while holding on tighter to him.

“I know Sophie’s bad she represents everything that is wrong with the world and it feels like I could make it better if I could only get rid of her, so that’s what I was doing, I was killing her not myself but I had to go with her because she lived inside me and I know now that I’m still here so she is too and it will be days before she is talking at me again or dancing around me in the mirror telling me that I am fat and stupid and this may sound nasty and horrible and completely self centred but I don’t think I can do it again, and this is going to make you shout at me like your wife just did but I have lost everything any way so it doesn’t matter so I will be honest. With you Emmet. I wish I was dead, I didn’t want to be saved so maybe she was right, maybe I am evil and maybe you should walk away and lat me finish what I started.”

Wrapped up tight (Mi's side)

Wrapped up tight

I wanted to do so many things but didn’t know which one of them was for the best so in the end I settled for the only one that I couldn’t actually control and screamed sobbing as my whole body reacted to the agony inside, I arched my back uncomfortably like an angry cat and curled my legs up into my chest just to try and keep my self together but I new I would fail, I now new that I would fall apart and it would be the most agonising pain that I had ever felt, losing Esmee was like losing Arabella she was as important a person in my life and losing her wasn’t something I would survive.

“Mi, oh my little thing.” Emmet soothed abandoning the chair next to my bed so he could sit down next to me. I was vaguely aware of him trying to move me out of the ball I had tucked my self into but I wouldn’t budge an inch so instead he rubbed my back in fast rhythmic circles.

“Your going to be OK, I know this really hurts OK but it will pass and you will be OK.”

“I am falling apart!” I sobbed unable to except what he said “I have nothing left to hold on to now, and everything is just falling away so fast, so, so fast!”

“ I am right here, you can hold on to me, I promise you I am strong and even if you do I won’t brake.” Emmet said in his smooth musical voice, it was surprising that it could be heard above my sobbing but it always had been before as it was now; it was like he had his own special frequency in my head.

“I’m not strong enough to hold on!”

“Then trust me one more time Mi and let me do the holding.” Emmet whispered lowering his body down next to mine so he was almost laid on the bed before he wrapped his arms tightly around my body pulling my in close to him making it almost impossible to move which in a way helped make me feel more secure, after all if I was going to free fall it would hurt a lot les if I was wrapped up tight.

white to black (Mi's side)

White to black

“Wow, wow.” Esmee shouted springing to catch me before my body hit down to the ground with the thump I was expecting.

“I’m Ok I’m all right, don’t worry about me.” I said hurriedly trying to shake her off as well as trying to get myfeet not to buckle against my own weight as I tried to support my self, this wasn’t meant to be about my self; this was for once meant to be about saving Esmee and I couldn’t even pull that off with any successes.

“Yep I can tell you are fine, just the small fact that you can’t support your own body weight have a chest full of half mended broken ribs, two lugs that keep collapsing in on them self’s at any given minute like a badly put up tent and an O2 sat that is dropping more every second that you are vertical and major surgery on your wrists and abdomen now lie the hell back down!” Esmee shouted overpowering my protests, pushing my body back down to the bed and dragging my legs back up so I was lying flat again,
“You lie bloody still and you get better I don’t want any more shit from you!” Esmee yelled angrily her face going a deep shade of red her eyes alight with a red twinge that I had only ever seen in my mothers eyes before.
“You have no idea what you did! You told me you where fine and in the same fucking hour I am dragging your drowned body out the bath and braking all your fucking ribs as your blood pisses all over the bathroom floor!”

“Esmee that is enough!” Emmet roared jumping to his feet and grabbing her by the shoulders spinning her around so she was looking at him. Her whole body shook with a fury that I had never seen in her before, her breathing was coming in short angry burst through her nose. I had broken the unbreakable, made an angel fall, turned the white swan to black and lost my only hope in one ill thought out sentence and yet that in it’s self seemed ridicules I had put her through so much more before.

“She want’s out so much let her do it I don’t care!”

“GET OUT NOW!” Emmet roared louder forcibly removing Esmee to the door by her shoulders and pushing her out but the sentence had all ready been said and my heart had all ready been obliterated into a million tiny bits, she had once saved me from total abyss yet now she had sent me back right into the depths of hell.