Not a bear, refuse to be a monster.
OK I can see how this might seem all a bit rambaly but waht i am trying to but across is how an attempted suice can affect the strongest of people.
pluss i love Esmee's character and i have always wanted to play with her a bit and this is a perfect opotunaty to do that so i am enjoying my self!
I hope yu enjoy it to
Oh P.S I think this could be midly triggering, so take care
“Emmet, that face, you will brake my heart.” I said quietly looking away.
“ Not before you brake mine. Why are you blocking me out? Why won’t you let me help? Don’t you trust me any more? I sometimes worry that I stole you from the world and held you to my self? Do you love me at all Ez? Or did I steal you from something better?”
Emmet’s tone was almost angry as he asked me the unthinkable, an imaginable questions. Had I created this? Had I turned this gentle loving man into something else entirely? Was I really just something he saved from the streets. Didn’t I love hum enough? The only reason I wanted to lie was because I didn’t want to keep being the baby he had to save.
“you know I love you.” I gulped my hands shaking as they gripped onto my jeans. “You know I would only ever want to belong with you.”
“I sometimes wander if you really do.” Emmet moaned putting his face in his hands and sighing heavily.
“Hell man!” I yelled jumping to my feet throwing my hands into the air. “ The only reason I lie is because I love you! If I didn’t I wouldn’t care how you fucking well saw me! I want to be your wife not your baby or you patient. I want to be perfect in every thing I do for your from cooking your tee to having sex with you but I am never that women!” I screamed the tears pouring over my cheeks making my vision blurred which right then I was thankful for. I wasn’t sure I could stand watching him walk away from me after I had finished.
“I will never be good enough to deserve you Em. To deserve the life you have given me I have never been good enough and I never will be! Why the hell do you think I sometimes want to kill my self? Because I imagine your world with out me and sometimes all I see is with out me, you would have it all!” I wailed storming out of the room to the kitchen before yanking open the top cupboard in a haze of anger and pain and grabbing the box of painkillers. If I wasn’t a good enough Bare I wouldn’t be anything. There was no way I would settle for becoming a monster again.
Thursday, 31 March 2011
(Esmee) To not lose you. (Mi's side)
To not lose you.
"I don't want to lie
Sayin' it's alright
Starin' at the walls 'round our lives
And are Ten Feet High
No, I'm not dumb."
Andrea corr Sayin' it's alright
Starin' at the walls 'round our lives
And are Ten Feet High
No, I'm not dumb."
Ten feet high
It was ten o’clock in the morning by the time I come back in the front door after the morning sweep of dropping Mia off at the nursery and Bobby at school after talking to his teacher and I was shattered. Mentally, physically end everything in between. My whole Body ached with a none physical pain that just would not budge and my face hurt from having to smile when inside in a way I was still crying. It had been just over 12 hours since Mi had been removed from the unit barely alive. In these 12 hours they either resuscitated her and she was somewhere alone in a bed on ICU or they would of called time of death and she would of died just how she had lived her life alone and scared.
“How are you feeling my love?” Emmet asked gently as I wrapped my self up onto the sofa next to him and blankly watched the pictures that moved across the television screen. There was nothing of any importance on Emmet had only be using it for back ground noise. Silence didn’t fit comfortably with any of us.
“It is heard to explain.” I mumbled
“Safe?”
“Yeah I ‘m safe.”
“I am sorry I fell asleep last night my love.” Emmet said reaching out his and wrapping it around mine giving it a light squeeze which I returned.
“It’s OK Em. I was OK by then any way and you must have been shattered after doing the early shift as well. You needed to sleep. I was on night mode my body thought it had to stay awake that’s why I couldn’t doze off.”
“The unit called Esmee.” Emmet said gently and immediately I tensed every muscle in my body ready to take the hit. There was over a thousand ways Emmet could tell me about Mi’s death. He would be searching for the right one in his head. The one that wouldn’t flatten me in one blow. The truth is though, even if he sugar coated it to an inch or normalness it would still hit the same as if he just turned around and said “Well Mi kicked the bucket.”
“She is stable but critical. Esmee she is going to be OK.”
My heart should of flipped over in joy, I should of shouted and screamed in joy and danced around the room but even I new what Emmet was saying was shit. Mi would live. That was obviously fantastic but she would most certainly not be OK. Her recovery time would be horrendously long and painful and most of all it wasn’t what she wanted. She would not thank any one for her life. She would hate them, and as soon as she could she would try again to end it. It seemed we where fighting the inevitable.
“Well that is good news.” I said nonchalantly not moving my eyes from the television. I would not cry the tears I needed to cry. Not in front of Emmet again. I asked to much of him and I was a big girl. I would handle It alone.
“Baby your walls are so high that I almost can’t climb them. Can’t you at least build a door and let me in?” Emmet asked squeezing my hand firmly. Was I that see through?"
“what walls Em.” I said turning to look at him applying an award winning smile to my face. “That is good news! Mi is going to be OK. We aren’t going to lose her. What could be better?”
Emmet’s face went paler as he frowned and he scrutinized my face with his eyes before letting his hand drop out of mine. He looked shocked. He looked hurt, he looked betrayed. Had I done this to him?
“Emmet?”
“To not lose you either.”
“How are you feeling my love?” Emmet asked gently as I wrapped my self up onto the sofa next to him and blankly watched the pictures that moved across the television screen. There was nothing of any importance on Emmet had only be using it for back ground noise. Silence didn’t fit comfortably with any of us.
“It is heard to explain.” I mumbled
“Safe?”
“Yeah I ‘m safe.”
“I am sorry I fell asleep last night my love.” Emmet said reaching out his and wrapping it around mine giving it a light squeeze which I returned.
“It’s OK Em. I was OK by then any way and you must have been shattered after doing the early shift as well. You needed to sleep. I was on night mode my body thought it had to stay awake that’s why I couldn’t doze off.”
“The unit called Esmee.” Emmet said gently and immediately I tensed every muscle in my body ready to take the hit. There was over a thousand ways Emmet could tell me about Mi’s death. He would be searching for the right one in his head. The one that wouldn’t flatten me in one blow. The truth is though, even if he sugar coated it to an inch or normalness it would still hit the same as if he just turned around and said “Well Mi kicked the bucket.”
“She is stable but critical. Esmee she is going to be OK.”
My heart should of flipped over in joy, I should of shouted and screamed in joy and danced around the room but even I new what Emmet was saying was shit. Mi would live. That was obviously fantastic but she would most certainly not be OK. Her recovery time would be horrendously long and painful and most of all it wasn’t what she wanted. She would not thank any one for her life. She would hate them, and as soon as she could she would try again to end it. It seemed we where fighting the inevitable.
“Well that is good news.” I said nonchalantly not moving my eyes from the television. I would not cry the tears I needed to cry. Not in front of Emmet again. I asked to much of him and I was a big girl. I would handle It alone.
“Baby your walls are so high that I almost can’t climb them. Can’t you at least build a door and let me in?” Emmet asked squeezing my hand firmly. Was I that see through?"
“what walls Em.” I said turning to look at him applying an award winning smile to my face. “That is good news! Mi is going to be OK. We aren’t going to lose her. What could be better?”
Emmet’s face went paler as he frowned and he scrutinized my face with his eyes before letting his hand drop out of mine. He looked shocked. He looked hurt, he looked betrayed. Had I done this to him?
“Emmet?”
“To not lose you either.”
(Esmee) I'm not bad am i Esmee? (Mi's side)
I’m not bad am I Esmee?
“Your mummy loves you very much Bobby” I said gently using a fingertip to brush away the tears that had gathered under his eyes while I pulled him in closer to me with the other arm.
“Your mummy really didn’t want you to have to come here and live with us for a little while but as you know she got poorly and she had to go the hospital so they could make her better again and even though mummy would of loved to have you with her she new she couldn’t look after you properly while she was so poorly. That doesn’t mean she loves you any less my darling. She still calls you whenever she is well enough to doesn’t she?” I said brightly trying to give him something to look forward to though in all honesty it had been a long time since Mrs. Ashford had been well enough to get to the phone.
“Samuel said only bad boys are put into foster care. I’m not bad am I Esmee?”
“No my love of course you are not bad. What I think I should do my love is come into school with you this morning and talk to Mrs Fisher abut Samuel because it doesn’t seem like he is being very kind to you at the moment and that isn’t OK. No one should be aloud to be nasty to any one else. Would that be OK?” I asked bending down and kissing him gently on the top of the fore head and in return he gave me a truly heart warming toothy smile while nodding his head.
“Good.” I said smiling back at him before messing up his hair making him giggle. “Now I think we should go and get some breakfast for you before Emmet eats it all!” I exclaimed clapping my hands and pulling the covers back off of us.
Squealing slightly Bobby scampered to the door dragging his dinosaur behind him by the tail. Shouting
“Emmet you better way not eat my breakfast!”
“Your mummy loves you very much Bobby” I said gently using a fingertip to brush away the tears that had gathered under his eyes while I pulled him in closer to me with the other arm.
“Your mummy really didn’t want you to have to come here and live with us for a little while but as you know she got poorly and she had to go the hospital so they could make her better again and even though mummy would of loved to have you with her she new she couldn’t look after you properly while she was so poorly. That doesn’t mean she loves you any less my darling. She still calls you whenever she is well enough to doesn’t she?” I said brightly trying to give him something to look forward to though in all honesty it had been a long time since Mrs. Ashford had been well enough to get to the phone.
“Samuel said only bad boys are put into foster care. I’m not bad am I Esmee?”
“No my love of course you are not bad. What I think I should do my love is come into school with you this morning and talk to Mrs Fisher abut Samuel because it doesn’t seem like he is being very kind to you at the moment and that isn’t OK. No one should be aloud to be nasty to any one else. Would that be OK?” I asked bending down and kissing him gently on the top of the fore head and in return he gave me a truly heart warming toothy smile while nodding his head.
“Good.” I said smiling back at him before messing up his hair making him giggle. “Now I think we should go and get some breakfast for you before Emmet eats it all!” I exclaimed clapping my hands and pulling the covers back off of us.
Squealing slightly Bobby scampered to the door dragging his dinosaur behind him by the tail. Shouting
“Emmet you better way not eat my breakfast!”
Monday, 28 March 2011
(Esmee) Powerless (Mi's side)
Ok i am really worried people are realyl not enjoying this any more. I promnise i am trying to get back to the point but i am grasping at straws for a way to actualy get there. Ugh. I feel like such a failier right now. Writing storys was one of the only things i used to be abel to do well and now i am even bad at that.
(Esmee) Powerless
Around Six thirty our new personal alarm clock come bounding into are bedroom and clambered clumsily up onto my side of the bed. I had left Bobby’s room around five and gone back to my are room where I spent the rest of the time nuzzled into Emmet’s chest feeling his heart beat up against my cheek and listening to his slow deep even breaths as he slept. At around six I had dropped off two into a dreamless sleep.
“Good morning Esmee, good morning Emmet.” Bobby said sweetly wriggling down below the covers waiting for me to wrap him up in the familiar early morning cuddle that had come tradition soon after he arrived with us after he had arrived in are bedroom on the first morning tears rolling down over his face declaring that he missed mummy’s cuddles. Emmet had got out of bed bent down to his height and said;
“Esmee’s cuddles may not be quite as speachel as mummy’s but she is very good at it too so why don’t you get in beside her while a go and get Mia and let her have a go at it.” From then on the routine was set.
“You almost give cuddles like my mummy Esmee.” Bobby whispered as I cradled him in close to my body while stroking my fingers through his baby blonde hair.
“Esmee?” booby asked gently as he played with a lose thread on my night dress.
“Yes my honey”
“Does my mummy not love me any more? Is that why mummy sent me to you? Because she not love me like she used to?” Bobby asked sadly rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Samuel at school said I am only living with you because my mummy doesn’t love me any more. He said that she wanted to get rid of me so she dumped me here with you.” Bobby whined tears starting to take over his voice as he thought about his mother.
Bobby was an unusual case. As in his mother loved him more then life it’s self. Mrs Ashford had no one in her life apart from her little lad. She worked a full time job paid the rent on a perfect little two bedroom flat and provided for her son better then most families ever could however a few weeks ago Mrs Ashford learnt she was sick and had to spend some time in hospital where she would be unable to look after her son. Normally a family member would take in a child in this case but there was no family and no willing friends so foster care was the only option.
My soul ached for the crying child that I held in my arms. With out even really meaning it other kids could be so cruel. Bobby was just five years old. He had never spent a night away from his mother in his whole life and then one day a stranger comes takes him by the hand and delivers him to us saying that he was going to be living with us for a while. His world had been turned upside down and inside out and once again there was nothing I could do to help him nothing I could do to even start to make it any better. I was completely powerless to do anything to make any difference and with out meaning to my own tears started falling as well.
(Esmee) Powerless
Around Six thirty our new personal alarm clock come bounding into are bedroom and clambered clumsily up onto my side of the bed. I had left Bobby’s room around five and gone back to my are room where I spent the rest of the time nuzzled into Emmet’s chest feeling his heart beat up against my cheek and listening to his slow deep even breaths as he slept. At around six I had dropped off two into a dreamless sleep.
“Good morning Esmee, good morning Emmet.” Bobby said sweetly wriggling down below the covers waiting for me to wrap him up in the familiar early morning cuddle that had come tradition soon after he arrived with us after he had arrived in are bedroom on the first morning tears rolling down over his face declaring that he missed mummy’s cuddles. Emmet had got out of bed bent down to his height and said;
“Esmee’s cuddles may not be quite as speachel as mummy’s but she is very good at it too so why don’t you get in beside her while a go and get Mia and let her have a go at it.” From then on the routine was set.
“You almost give cuddles like my mummy Esmee.” Bobby whispered as I cradled him in close to my body while stroking my fingers through his baby blonde hair.
“Esmee?” booby asked gently as he played with a lose thread on my night dress.
“Yes my honey”
“Does my mummy not love me any more? Is that why mummy sent me to you? Because she not love me like she used to?” Bobby asked sadly rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Samuel at school said I am only living with you because my mummy doesn’t love me any more. He said that she wanted to get rid of me so she dumped me here with you.” Bobby whined tears starting to take over his voice as he thought about his mother.
Bobby was an unusual case. As in his mother loved him more then life it’s self. Mrs Ashford had no one in her life apart from her little lad. She worked a full time job paid the rent on a perfect little two bedroom flat and provided for her son better then most families ever could however a few weeks ago Mrs Ashford learnt she was sick and had to spend some time in hospital where she would be unable to look after her son. Normally a family member would take in a child in this case but there was no family and no willing friends so foster care was the only option.
My soul ached for the crying child that I held in my arms. With out even really meaning it other kids could be so cruel. Bobby was just five years old. He had never spent a night away from his mother in his whole life and then one day a stranger comes takes him by the hand and delivers him to us saying that he was going to be living with us for a while. His world had been turned upside down and inside out and once again there was nothing I could do to help him nothing I could do to even start to make it any better. I was completely powerless to do anything to make any difference and with out meaning to my own tears started falling as well.
Friday, 25 March 2011
(Esmee) A brand new day (Mi's side)
Ok really bad chapter here. I officaly have writers block again. great. What i would normaly do it swao sides for a bit and work on the other one. The only problem is i have writers block on that side too. Fantastic. More soon, hopefully slightly more exciting too. Sorry everyone.
A brand new day
I spent the rest of that night surrounded in my tears they came and random times and nothing could be done to stop them. I tried to go too bed but I couldn’t sleep any way. My body was on night shift mode. It would not crave sleep until after 9am in the morning. Emmet stayed up with me too moving silently with me from room to room as I walked around the house unable to settle down any where for longer then thirty minutes.
It wasn’t until four in the morning I noticed his arm get heavier over mine as we lay down on the bed together after I once again attempted to go to sleep. I did not like to see him sleeping as I slipped out from under his arm and looked down on him from an upright position. He was too still, to calm. A part of me almost reached out and shook him just to make sure his eyes would open that he would not be stuck like that forever. Instead I stood and watched him for a good twenty minutes listening to his deep breathing before moving on to Mia’s and then bobby’s doing the same thing.
“Esmee?” Booby said stirring rubbing sleep from his eyes as he sat up in his bed and squinted at me standing in the light of the door.
“It’s all right sweet heart, go back to sleep.” I whispered gently going closer to his bed and pulling the duvet cover back up over him and picking up his stuffed dinosaur off of the floor placing it in beside of him.
“Why where you watching me Esmee?” Bobby asked wrapping his arms around the dinosaur and closing his eyes again.
“I was just checking that you where OK my darling.” I soothed gently, smiling at his little face as he relaxed again and his breathing become deep.
I sat there for a long time after that in the corner of the room watching him sleep until I noticed the sun starting to shine around the corners of the curtains in the room signalling the start of a brand new day.
A brand new day
I spent the rest of that night surrounded in my tears they came and random times and nothing could be done to stop them. I tried to go too bed but I couldn’t sleep any way. My body was on night shift mode. It would not crave sleep until after 9am in the morning. Emmet stayed up with me too moving silently with me from room to room as I walked around the house unable to settle down any where for longer then thirty minutes.
It wasn’t until four in the morning I noticed his arm get heavier over mine as we lay down on the bed together after I once again attempted to go to sleep. I did not like to see him sleeping as I slipped out from under his arm and looked down on him from an upright position. He was too still, to calm. A part of me almost reached out and shook him just to make sure his eyes would open that he would not be stuck like that forever. Instead I stood and watched him for a good twenty minutes listening to his deep breathing before moving on to Mia’s and then bobby’s doing the same thing.
“Esmee?” Booby said stirring rubbing sleep from his eyes as he sat up in his bed and squinted at me standing in the light of the door.
“It’s all right sweet heart, go back to sleep.” I whispered gently going closer to his bed and pulling the duvet cover back up over him and picking up his stuffed dinosaur off of the floor placing it in beside of him.
“Why where you watching me Esmee?” Bobby asked wrapping his arms around the dinosaur and closing his eyes again.
“I was just checking that you where OK my darling.” I soothed gently, smiling at his little face as he relaxed again and his breathing become deep.
I sat there for a long time after that in the corner of the room watching him sleep until I noticed the sun starting to shine around the corners of the curtains in the room signalling the start of a brand new day.
Thursday, 24 March 2011
(Esmee's POV) 14 little years (Mi's side)
Ok so i might of had a mini melt down when i wrote this I am not intirly sure why. Writing this just seemed to really upset me. I guess what i am trying to say is i don't think there is any triggger but it could be upsettig any way. Either theat or it could just be because i am mad.
(Esmee's POV) 14 little years
A while later I managed to get to my feet and move out of the hall way and into the sofas in the front room. Where I flopped down on the nearest sofa. Resting my head on the arm I stared blankly at the TV that had long since turned it’s self onto stand bye. It would have been easy to press the button on the remote to turn it back on again but my lack of energy wouldn’t allow it. It was talking all the strength I had to stop me falling of the edge of my very wobbly foundation into oblivion.
“You did everything you could sweet heart.” Emmet said gently as he picked my feet up from the end of the sofa sat down and placed them back on his lap.
“you don’t know that.” I said quietly not looking away from the spot on the television where a speck of dust had caught and was trying to hold on to the screen. At any other day it would of annoyed me being in my line of sight and I would of got a cloth and wiped it away, today I wanted to get some sticky tape and sick it there. To give it some help. I new what it felt like to know you where going to fall off of or be swept away no matter how hard you tried to hold on, and like the speck of dust excepted its face it fell from the screen.
“I know how you feel about her Esmee. I know what she means to you.”
“She is a patient Em, nothing more.” I whispered even though I new what I was saying was a lie and every word burnt my throat as they clawed up it to be released into the world.
“We can’t save them all. I have done all this before. I will bounce back. It’s just a job.”
“You know that isn’t true. You became a nurse to help the people that went through that unit and you would do it weather you had a pay packet come in at the end of the month or not. You know as well as I do if it was just a job you could work a Tesco earn more money a month and probably get a lot better hours.”
I closed my eyes gently and swallowed hard at the tears that had gathered back in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry any more. The tears hurt.
“How are the kids?” I asked trying to change the subject.
“Mia was a bit grizzly just after you left for work. She was a bit confused that she went to bed while you where here and when she woke up you where gone. I have a confession to make as well. I might of rocked her back to sleep.”
I smiled thinking of my perfect little daughters body snuggled in my amazing husbands arms and the way she sucked on her fingers as she drifted off to sleep and the little grumpy face she pulled while she was doing it. I loved the way that she would become instantly soothed if you put her head close to your chest so she could hear your heart beating and how her hands curled tightly around anything that was close enough for her to grab and the way she wouldn’t let go even when she was fast asleep. I loved her life and her warmth and the glow in her cheeks. I loved the fact that she was mine but hated the fact she was so completely fragile as well.
“She was only 14 years older then her Emmet.” I said my tears cracking in my voice again as my mind wondered back to Mi lying so still, pale and cold on the unit floor. She had once been full of life too.
“Just 14 tiny little years. 16 stupid years of life and we are putting her in the ground.” I gulped before letting the new wave of tears wash over me again. Some things where worth the pain of tears.
(Esmee's POV) 14 little years
A while later I managed to get to my feet and move out of the hall way and into the sofas in the front room. Where I flopped down on the nearest sofa. Resting my head on the arm I stared blankly at the TV that had long since turned it’s self onto stand bye. It would have been easy to press the button on the remote to turn it back on again but my lack of energy wouldn’t allow it. It was talking all the strength I had to stop me falling of the edge of my very wobbly foundation into oblivion.
“You did everything you could sweet heart.” Emmet said gently as he picked my feet up from the end of the sofa sat down and placed them back on his lap.
“you don’t know that.” I said quietly not looking away from the spot on the television where a speck of dust had caught and was trying to hold on to the screen. At any other day it would of annoyed me being in my line of sight and I would of got a cloth and wiped it away, today I wanted to get some sticky tape and sick it there. To give it some help. I new what it felt like to know you where going to fall off of or be swept away no matter how hard you tried to hold on, and like the speck of dust excepted its face it fell from the screen.
“I know how you feel about her Esmee. I know what she means to you.”
“She is a patient Em, nothing more.” I whispered even though I new what I was saying was a lie and every word burnt my throat as they clawed up it to be released into the world.
“We can’t save them all. I have done all this before. I will bounce back. It’s just a job.”
“You know that isn’t true. You became a nurse to help the people that went through that unit and you would do it weather you had a pay packet come in at the end of the month or not. You know as well as I do if it was just a job you could work a Tesco earn more money a month and probably get a lot better hours.”
I closed my eyes gently and swallowed hard at the tears that had gathered back in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry any more. The tears hurt.
“How are the kids?” I asked trying to change the subject.
“Mia was a bit grizzly just after you left for work. She was a bit confused that she went to bed while you where here and when she woke up you where gone. I have a confession to make as well. I might of rocked her back to sleep.”
I smiled thinking of my perfect little daughters body snuggled in my amazing husbands arms and the way she sucked on her fingers as she drifted off to sleep and the little grumpy face she pulled while she was doing it. I loved the way that she would become instantly soothed if you put her head close to your chest so she could hear your heart beating and how her hands curled tightly around anything that was close enough for her to grab and the way she wouldn’t let go even when she was fast asleep. I loved her life and her warmth and the glow in her cheeks. I loved the fact that she was mine but hated the fact she was so completely fragile as well.
“She was only 14 years older then her Emmet.” I said my tears cracking in my voice again as my mind wondered back to Mi lying so still, pale and cold on the unit floor. She had once been full of life too.
“Just 14 tiny little years. 16 stupid years of life and we are putting her in the ground.” I gulped before letting the new wave of tears wash over me again. Some things where worth the pain of tears.
(Esmee's POV) Emmet's Extremes (Mi's side)
weh, A so so chapter i think. I don't supose it is terrabel but it is not a work of genius either. What do you think?
I am alos so about the jumping around between point's of views but this is the only way it will work right now really so please bare with.
(Esmee’s POV) Emmet’s Extremes
“Do I need to take extremes?” Emmet asked gently resting his head on my shoulder before pulling my body back closer to him across the floor. It sounded strange but I liked it at times when he used his extreme size to pull me around. I new him well enough by now that he would only ever use it to protect me or love me never to hurt me.
Smiling slightly at the comfort I got from being close to him I snuggled back in closer to his chest where I could her his heart beat firm and strong another massive comfort considering I had just spent the roll as heart beat for someone else. His beating alone and strong meat that he couldn’t leave me. and for a moment I thought I could sleep there in his arms.
“Ez. Answer me. I will if I have to but I want it to be your choice not mine. You know what you need. Listen to your angel.”
Emmet was obviously on about the conflict that was about to happen in my head where I would have to fight between the devil and the angel within me and that was exactly what I did. the devil immediately decided in a shout that it would be better for me to run away from every one that loved me and “deal” with things in my own way. The angel on the other side was not as loud. She had never been able to scream what was right at me all that loud but after all this time I had learnt to tune out the devil and hear what she had to say. Her advice was usually a lot better and I took it.
“Yes.” I mumbled softly hating the words what I was saying. I new what Emmet’s extreme’s where well and I hated nothing more then him taking them. He also hated putting them in place. They had only ever been used five times before in the whole of are marriage but tonight they where needed again. So from that moment on I had effectively been put on red level observations in my own home. It was a sad night.
I am alos so about the jumping around between point's of views but this is the only way it will work right now really so please bare with.
(Esmee’s POV) Emmet’s Extremes
“Do I need to take extremes?” Emmet asked gently resting his head on my shoulder before pulling my body back closer to him across the floor. It sounded strange but I liked it at times when he used his extreme size to pull me around. I new him well enough by now that he would only ever use it to protect me or love me never to hurt me.
Smiling slightly at the comfort I got from being close to him I snuggled back in closer to his chest where I could her his heart beat firm and strong another massive comfort considering I had just spent the roll as heart beat for someone else. His beating alone and strong meat that he couldn’t leave me. and for a moment I thought I could sleep there in his arms.
“Ez. Answer me. I will if I have to but I want it to be your choice not mine. You know what you need. Listen to your angel.”
Emmet was obviously on about the conflict that was about to happen in my head where I would have to fight between the devil and the angel within me and that was exactly what I did. the devil immediately decided in a shout that it would be better for me to run away from every one that loved me and “deal” with things in my own way. The angel on the other side was not as loud. She had never been able to scream what was right at me all that loud but after all this time I had learnt to tune out the devil and hear what she had to say. Her advice was usually a lot better and I took it.
“Yes.” I mumbled softly hating the words what I was saying. I new what Emmet’s extreme’s where well and I hated nothing more then him taking them. He also hated putting them in place. They had only ever been used five times before in the whole of are marriage but tonight they where needed again. So from that moment on I had effectively been put on red level observations in my own home. It was a sad night.
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