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Ice doesn’t cut it.

“Here try this.” Esmee said reaching out and grabbing hold of my good hand pressing the ice cube into mine so I flinched with the shock and Esmee pulled her hand away from mine dropping the ice back into the bowel.

“No!” I shouted instinctively lurching my body towards it so Esmee picked the ice back up and pressed it into my hands so it was gripped between hers and mine and the water dripped onto the bed.

It was the wrong colour and the wrong heat even the wrong consistency but somehow though not as instant or as beautiful and invigorating as the blood flowing between my fingers and splashing beautiful and crimson and pure on to the white sheets it did release something. The sharp pain that dug into my hands with the ice and the warm smoothness of Esmee’s skin broke the anger just a tiny bit and I breathed in deeply. The trouble was it wasn’t enough, no where near enough.

“Here.” Esmee sad again ever so gently picking the bowel up off of the table and placing in in front of me. “Use them if it makes you reel better.”

I took my hand and placed it into the bowl and burred it under the ice gasping as the pain pulsed in my hands.

“It’s not the same.” I moaned grabbing the ice cube and digging into my arm dragging it across my arms like I would the Razor blade but nothing happened. Nothing broke with in me. Nothing was made better.

“Esmee I want it to stop and it doesn’t work.” I snapped swiping at the bowel of ice and letting a sob escape out of my mouth as I twisted my bad wrist round so I could feel the intense pain that I wanted.

“Don’t move that wrist.” Dr. Ash said speaking up from the side of the room where he stood watch everything that happened. “There is a little fracture in there and I don’t want it to get any worse.

That of course was when it happened. When the opportunity to destroy set into my brain and the corners of my lips turned up into a sinister smile. 　

To the floor With a deep breath I jumped up and bashed my all ready fractured wrist into the wall twice before Esmee jumped on me from behind and dragged me back into her arms.

“No!” I shouted pulling hard at Esmee’s hands and actually braking out of her grasps so I could throw my whole body into the wall.

“Ez what’s happening!” Emmet shouted as I rebounded back off of the wall for the second time and right into Emmet’s as he walked through the curtain into the cubical.

“To the floor.” Was the only command Esmee gave and Emmet swiped my legs from with under me and had me face down on the hospital floor. Where he restrained my upper body and Esmee launched into her position on my legs keeping them from kicking out.

“I think we need that sedative now.” Esmee barked at Dr. Ash who zipped out of the cubical at the speed of light.

“Mia calm down!” Emmet shouted over my screaming and flopping about like some fish out of water.

“Go to hell!” I snapped back.

“Mia! Calm down!” Emmet shouted again tightening his grip on my upper half.

“I got the sedative.” Dr. Ash said out of breath Entering back into the room.

There was a shuffle behind me and I felt someone pulling down my jeans and the back of my under wear before a needle was shoved into my right bum cheek and I yelped.

Almost instantly my body became heavy and the fight leaked out of me, my thrashing limbs becoming lifeless by my sides unable to move any more. My eye lids became heavy to as a numb buzzing filled up my head and my anger ebbed out of me to be replaced by the hollow sadness.

“Come on my darling.” Emmet then said gently slipping his muscular arms underneath my body before scoping me up into his arms and cradling me into his body like some over grown baby. I tried to lift my arms up to wrap them around his neck but it felt like they had been paralyzed and refused move a bit from my command so they just hung limp unmoving.

“You sleep now my honey.” Emmet said

gently as he placed my limp body down on the bed and removed his arms from under me before beginning to stroke my hair back over my face.

“Emmet I can’t do it any more.” I mumbled even though it was hardly eligible coming from my drugged up brain

“Yes you can my darling. Yes you can.” He whispered just before finally my brain gave up fighting the impending sleep and my eyes closed.

Only I prayed that I would never wake up.