behind twilight

Behind twilight

Emmet landed up calling someone else to cover for me after I sunk back behind my bedroom wall but it was hardly needed as that evening just before the night shift came on the found a doctor that wasn’t so scared of me to allow Emmet to reduce my observations right down to twenty minute checks. It wasn’t what I had been on beforehand and I would have preferred the two hourly observations but it was better than having an unwelcome shadow.

I had not been able to see Hev for the rest of the day though I was anxious to know whether she was OK after what had happened. The problem with Hev even though she was deaf she seemed to have no reason to be in the unit at all. I know she had a story I knew from the first time I saw her distressed state in the corridor that hev wasn’t happy all of the time but she had no physical scars. Her arms where pure untouched peaches and cream and she wasn’t like Pollyanna who was so painfully thin most people found it hard to look at her. She did not talk to the voices in her head or address hallucinations. She was perfectly in contact with reality and if you had the ability to communicate with her in her chosen language she was usually funny ad upbeat. her continued stay in the walls of an acute unit where a mystery to most even to her but she told me she had nowhere else to go apart from her posh boarding school that was refusing to take her back after finding her semi coherent with a belly full of pills.

As soon as I was let off of my observations I went and knocked on twilight which was the room Hev was now in after being moved up from the main floor a few days ago. It was not an easy task. I had tried to avoid the room since Bella had died like I tried to avoid lingering too much in front of Courage I didn’t even like walking past them let alone going in them because since she died nothing about them was right. She had given the rooms life she had breathed something into them and without her they were voids of nothing that tried to suck something out of me every time I was too close to them. It hurt every time I thought of her. Even when I was ok and doing normal things she would just pop into my head and it would feel like I was going to sink though the floor. Most people told you that time made it easier but Emmet had contradicted that when he had caught me one of the times I had fallen. He told me that the feelings stayed as intense and as devastating you just learnt to cope better with them when they hit. And he was right that was how it was like yet I had a long way to go with both Bella and Arabella they both had me on my knees. The trouble was I liked Hev and no matter how much I wanted to run away screaming as I pushed the door open to twilight to see if she was all right and wanted to come and play a game with myself and Esmee if I could grab her after handover.

Nothing could really prepare me for what I saw when I pushed open that door with a wave of my hands and before I could stop myself I let out a little yelp and grabbed the wall to steady myself as I looked at the scene from a horror movie. There first thing to see was the bright red blood that covered Hev’s legs and the blankets that where rolled up around her but more devastating was her. Fun and care free Hev had gone somewhere far away as her dead eyes stared like a zombies into the gashes on her legs before put down the tiny silver blade to the side of her and singed the words I’m sorry as her chest heaved up and down with heavy adrenalin filled breathes.