Showing posts with label graphic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label graphic. Show all posts

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

My closest friend is a toilet (Mi' side)

My closest friend is a toilet

OK writers block has now indeed lifted! Probably updating to much now! Well hay ho you can read them when you can. enjoy

Mi


More and more vomit kept splattering up against the side of the toilet bowl as over and over again I puked. I didn’t care if what I was doing was a bad thing; I had to be sick, I had to keep on being sick and never stop so over and over not even leaving space to breath or cry or think between the sickness I jammed as many gummy vomit covered fingers back into my mouth and down my throat as far as they could go educing the rainbow of vomit to smash into the crisp pure white sides of the toilet bowel.

She had been bleeding… fingers into mouth

She had never cut her self before … vomit enters the bowl

She was very thin, she hadn’t been eating again… fingers jammed further back my throat

She came to me to help her… black and green bile exiting, stomach, ribs, back and head screaming at me.

I had tried but she collapsed… fingers in

Stopped breathing, heart stopped, cold, dead… Whimpering, throbbing heart… no vomit just gagging… fingers went down further…

“Mi, mi honey is that you in there? I heard Esmee shout through the bathroom door her voice soft yet frantic, “Mi I’m going to let my self in OK.”

I stuffed my fingers down my thought as the emergency lock on the door snapped open and watched as orange acid joined the spectrum of colours that now resided down the toilet. I knew I should have stooped, common sense demanded it of me now and it was right, I had in fact thrown up enough, there was in fact nothing to be achieved anyway but beating my own body up and it was also a fact that as soon as Esmee saw what I was doing she would wrap her arms over my shoulders and restrain me into her, however I did not stop. to me right then none of the Common sense bits mattered. I had gone above Common sense to a place where puking was divine, to a place where puking would make me hurt less, to a place where puking would make me a shiny and bright and new inside like polished aluminium. I had gone to a place where Puking would make Bella’s heart start again. So even though Esmee was now in the room with me no doubt looking at my fucked up body draped over the toilet; holding into it like I was hugging my closest friend I rammed my fingers heard down my thought once again and yelped like a wounded animal as every burning muscle clinched forcing something, anything to come up into my mouth where it could join the rest of my badness in the bottom of the toilet.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Oh great i was wrong, thing so change (Mi's side)

Oh great I was wrong, things do change

I think this chapter is OK but it could be considered graphic so as always safty first please.

Still angry at what I saw I turned around and grabbed my forever growing toiletry bag from the side of my room and walked out the door into the corridor. “Morning Mi” I stopped and span round looking up the corridor into the nurses station and smiled. These where the two voices that I had come to want to here in the morning. Every time they weren’t there I hated it. The trouble was I hated feeling like that. I should not feel that attached to two nurses.

“Emmet, Esmee.” I mumbled just loud enough so they could here me before putting my head down and heading up the corridor into the bathroom.”

“Are you feeling OK Mi?.” Esmee asked

“I’m OK.” I nodded pausing before I went into the bathroom.

“Do you want him or me for breakfast?” Esmee asked again lightly punching Emmet playfully on the side of his arm and unleashing the devastating power of one of her smiles on me so I had no choice other then to smile back at her.

“Like I care.” I said suppressing a laugh before closing the bathroom door behind me and locking the door.

Throwing my toiletry bag down next to the toilet I checked the lock a further two times before using the toilet Of course that was when It happened. When normality had to be shattered into a thousand pieces. There in my underwear and in the toilet bowl was something I had not seen in a long time. Something I never really wanted to see again. They would say this was a good moment but of course I new better. This was a sign that the feeding tube and all the Damn Ensure was doing what they had all wanted it to do. I had lost the controle I had lost the battle. They had made me fat. The red sticky blood that was soaked into my underwear proved that.