Not the plan (Mi's side) *triggering*

Not the plan.
This chapter is very very triggering I know i don't need to add these labels any more but this chapter really needes it! be safe.

I did not respond to Esmee again and for a long time the only sound in the room was from the creaking of pipes and the chattering of my teeth. My body for the first time in ages almost felt as cold as my insides.

“I used to cut my self Mi but that is the whole part of why this should be a form of hope because what do you see on my arms?”

Unable to respond to her question vocally I stretched out my arm and lied it up against hers and looked intently at them. This gave more of an answer then any words could. The scars that where etched upon both of them looked freakishly similar. Lines upon lines of parallel white scars crossed with jagged stabs of raised purple and red. How they got there made my insides cold. The thought of Esmee dragging back a razor across her own skin was terrible but worse was the thought of her enjoying it getting a strange kind of high out of it, that was almost nauseating.

still something inside of my sick mind at that moment buzzed with a strange tingling almost a kind of anticipation washing over as I remembered the good feeling it gave me as I watched the blood pore from my open wounds. It felt like a swarm of butterflies raced around in my stomach and I new I needed it. I new I needed that feeling. Needed it more then the air that I breathed in and out. I had to feel that exhilaration. That intense utterly controlling strange like pleasure that gripped at every part of me when my skin parted and I could see the pale flesh underneath for just a few seconds before the blood burst out from the severed capillaries and filled it. I needed that feeling and I needed it right away. I needed that thrilling rush. Such an immediate need that it physically hurt every nerve ending in my body and soul. I breathed in jaggedly and licked my lips I new what I had to do. Like a new born baby new immediatly how to feed.

“Oh shit.” Esmee suddenly shouted pulling her arm abruptly away from mine and in doing so braking me out of my trance.

“What?”

“I know that look Mi!” Esmee shouted tugging both sleeves back down to cover her arms again. “To trigger you defiantly wasn’t the plan!”