(Esmee) Fruad

So here is another update. Please be gentl with me as i am still fragile. I hope that it is OK I'm sure it's pretty crappy but best I can spew out. It's taken two days to write so ugh. Comments please.

Fraud

Esmee

“Hi guys, its Esmee.” I said gently knocking on Mi’s door after I had managed to get past Emmet in the kitchen below. Emmet said I was worrying too much, that after years and years of looking after me my mother would easily be able to look after Mi but she was new here and confused and liable to freak out and even though I loved my mum and she was amazing with me there had been times when she also hurt me as well. My mother couldn’t understand always.

“Hello kitten,” Mum whispered gently as I walked into the room and smiled at the sight that greeted me from the bed. Mi was curled up next to my mum her eyelids flickering softly as my mother gently smoothed through the ends of her hair. It was perfect; she should have always been there. I could have looked after her if I had been given the chance, I had known she was there I would have saved her from the hell that they had put her through but she slipped away like smoke and mist and my sister had gotten lost.

“She must like you.” I smiled trying to push away the bad feelings that bubbled up inside of me. I may not have been there for her then but I was now and I would protect her forever. I loved her like any part of my family and I wouldn’t hide it from myself anymore. I was allowed to become too close to my own sister. I was allowed to love her.

 “It took her weeks, months even before she trusted us enough to be vulnerable with us.” I clarified noticing my mum’s confused look.

“I just told her that I was a part of you that seemed to calm her down somewhat.”  My mum smiled “you best write it down though that she has been making herself sick, I don’t want to be the one to tell on her or delay her discharge from that place but I take it that isn’t something that can be ignored what with her eating disorder.”

“She still finds it hard and all of this is just insane for her.  A bit of vomiting is the least of our worries. Three months ago I was pulling her out of bath tubs and breaking her ribs with my bare hands, breathing my life into her.” I moaned the image still ingrained somewhere in the back of my head. I had performed CPR a million times before when I worked for the briefest of times in A &E and each one was shaken off with the help of cup of dishwater tea. Mi’s stayed forever. At the time it brought me to my knees and I had no idea why now the flash backs haunted me somewhere in my subconscious. I could still remember every brake.

“You saved her life Esmee. Makes you a hero right?”

“A hero,” I laughed biting on the bottom of my lip as unexpected tears threated the surfaces of my eyes. She believed in the TV programs. She loved ER and grey’s anatomy and saw me in those roles where the odds were defied nearly all of the time and an injection could restart a heart. An A&E was nothing like that. Doctors called time of death all of the time in one room while drunk people and hypochondriacs littered Minors and complained they had been waiting more than a few minutes. Most cardiac arrests didn’t survive. The ones that did were nothing short of divine miracles and my hands beating them up for those moments when they were dying had nothing to do about it. Bella’s recant death proved that.  

“No I’m not a hero mum; I’m just a nurse and a sister. I just want to do right by her. Show her that there is some hope out there that she can recover.”

“Well she has the best role middle hast she? I mean look at you” My mother smiled her eyes l lighting up as she looked over in my direction her face full of adoration for all the problems I had overcome. I had to look away and discreetly catch tears on in my hands. Yeah I was fine. I was a fraud.