(Esmee) Amy's Ransom

Amy’s ransom

I could say nothing as invisible fists punched at my stomach and phantom hands tried to reach inside and claw my baby out of me by force. I had been hoping and praying for her safety, secretly brooding over names and wondering if we would have to convert the fostering room or we could get away with making over the office. I had imagined what she would look like and how warm and soft she would feel as she was placed into my arms. How I would squeeze Emmets hand and he would rub the base of my back even if it did bugger all for the pain. The first time she revolved around inside of me or kicked something off of my stomach. All the times I would have to stand up and fight for her, how without question I would lay down my life for her.

“Esmee…”

“Don’t touch me,” I stuttered trying to catch some of the breath that was leaving my body at the same time as curling my hands around my tummy and taking a step back from the now monstrous hands that tried to grab for me until my feet lost balance and I landed heavily on the toilet seat knocking my hip on the system. Suddenly I was also nauseous as well. This could not have been happening. He could not be suggesting something so horrendous after everything we had done together, after the tears and heart break of every miscarriage I had ever had. Not after mourning so many lost children could he seriously be suggesting I murder one?

“Esmee, honey, don’t be…”

“Don’t you dare tell me what to be like!  Don’t you dare tell me what to believe or what to think or what to say! Don’t you dare even look at me right now you ugly excuse for a human!” I snarled curling my legs up around my tummy to give my precious bundle all the protection I could manage. Any one getting to her would have to get through me first, would have to break every bone in my body to lay a finger on her and even then I would have stood up for her.

“Don’t I get to say anything, don’t I get too…”

“No! You get nothing anymore! No words or opinions or rights or…”

“Esmee the foetus…”

“Baby, dear god what the hell is all this shit with the foetus! She’s just a tiny little baby! She didn’t bloody well asked to be put there” She didn’t ask for any of this” I fumed though the tears that betrayed me and ran down over my face making my burning cheeks sore and my eyes unfocused. Out of everyone in the world Emmet was meant to be the only one not saying this, not asking such insanity’s of me. Not handing my anorexia such a precious reward. “So we’re just going to give this one to old Amy then?  We are going to hand over a baby to her! We’re going to give her away so I can get my ass into a 12 again?”

“We are going to save you!” Emmet screamed louder than me and for the first time I could see him properly through my own tears and I could see his too, stronger than even mine in some ways. His face redder and his expression more twisted into an unnatural agony the I could ever recall seeing before. I hated him so much… I loved him, and a heartless murder did not feel the kind of feelings that tortured his face now, did not sob the way he actually was, did not scream in the back of his throat as he just had.

“I want you both!” I want you both so fucking much that it hurts me all over! It is like I am being boiled slowly in a vat of boiling oil and what is bloody worse is I wouldn’t care if I could save you both but she has named her price to save you, to spare you from her grip again and she wants the baby she wants the only bloody thing that I don’t want to give her!”