Nothing changes regardless (Mi's side)

Nothing changes regardless

The next morning I woke up to find my self in Dream with the same light dancing over my face and the same noises from the little corridor that I had walked up a thousand times. The same pictures of tabby kittens in cups and Pug puppy’s in boots greeted me from the walls and my hips hurt the same from where they rubbed on the corners of the mattress. Down stares the familiar clangs and smashes of plates and cutlery could be heard from members of staff setting up the breakfast table. I didn’t know what I was expecting but nothing had changed. Meaning good moments meant nothing.

Sighing and cranky from my broken nights sleep of nightmares I heaved my heavy body out of the bed and pulled back the curtains. At this time of the morning and at night was when I hated the Unit most. These where the times when the car park was empty and the lights where off in the out patients building next door. At night was when the amber security lights blinked from on top of the gates the brightest suggesting something scary lurked inside and in the mornings the birds sang from the tree tops before speeding their wings and flying away over the fences and alarms that kept the rest of us trapped inside like brutal dogs in a cage. To dangerous to mix with the “real” people in the “real” word.

Wrapping my self up tight in my dressing gown and shivering I glanced in the mirror at my face. My tube had moved in the night and I had been bleeding from that nostril so I now had a scummy dried layer of blood down to my bottom lip. My Hair had taking a battering from the tossing and turnings if my nightmares and of course I still had the white scare to remind me that not all nightmares where just confined to when I slept.

Frustrated with my reflection I yanked the tube back over my ear and smoothed down the tape to the side of my face before yanking my fingers through my hair pulling out a fair amount into my hands.

“Ugly fat bitch.” I moaned licking my finger and scraping at the dried blood on my face.
“Ugly, fat, dumb, stupid bitch.” a spat at my reflection once more before reaching out my hand and clawing the reflection in front of me hoping that somehow I would actually claw at my face. No nothing changed regardless of good moments. I was still fat, dumb Ugly Mi.