When tomorrow comes we will try again (Mi's side)

When tomorrow comes we will try again

“Come on Mi I want to get you down to the clinic room OK .” Esmee said getting to her feat and then dragging my reluctant weighed down body with her.

I clutched my fingers into the fabric of Esmee’s top and held my head close to her shoulder wanting to catch the sent of her strawberry shampoo again, but most of all I wanted her not to hate me for all I had done for every time I thought about surviving Apply gate with out her and Emmet I felt my soul die.

When we got to the clinic room Esmee used her card Key and pushed open the door to the clinic. I took my position up onto the doctors bench where I dripped onto the crispy white paper that covered it.

I have always wanted an excuse to use these bloody things.” Esmee smiled as she unlocked a cabinet and pulled out two trays of space blankets before grabbing some and coming over to my bed tearing the plastic with her fingernails and unwrapping the giant tinfoil blankets.

“Here you go.” Esmee smiled wrapping the blankets around me “It looks like I am preparing you do go into the oven Esmee said again before going over to the corner of the room and pulling out a heater which she plugged in and directed towards me. “There you go all roasting.”

I tried to smile back at Esmee but only the rears came again which I tried to brush away with my finger tips. With this Esmee’s smile faded to and she came to sit next to me on the doctors bench.

“Talk to me Honey. I know I triggered you back then I didn’t mean to do that. I was trying to help. If you need to cut we can do somthing there is awlys a way out of it, it just some times takes a while to find”

“I know you hate me now Esmee and I know I have done so much wrong, I just want to get rid of it all, somehow get it out of me or make it numb at least. You couldn’t ever trigger me only I can do that, but know i don't wanrt to cut now. I just want nothing. I have no energy to cut my self."

“How many times do I have to tell you mi? I don’t hate you.”

“Maybe not but I know you have given up on me and I don’t blame you everything I have done, everything I have…”

“Mia listen to me. Esmee said scooting up on the bench and coming close to my body before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me in close to her. I didn't resist her close to me seemed to do a good job at warming up my soul. It let me know i wasn't alone

“Mi I am not going any where unless it is something out of my control. You can’t scare me off or offend me Ok and by hurting your self I wont go any where or get board or exasperated or what ever because I know what it feels like OK. I know what it is like to be told to stop only to find out you really, really cant. Only to find out what hurts you the most is also the thing that in you head you think keeps you sane and i also know just because you are put into a unit you wont stop hurting you self right away, but I also know that you can stop. soon it will get less and less until one day you will find another way and you wont have I hurt your self any more. Until then we will try and stop you hurting you self but if we don’t manage it we will stitch you up, patch you up, get you to the hospital and then try again tomorrow.