to me you are beautiful

To me you are beautiful.

It was almost like my body shouted fuck off at Esmee as I tried to get the answer out to her question and it vomited any way covering the bottom of the bowl on my lap in a black and green mess; fantastic now Esmee was going to think I was ignoring her and making my self sick any way; even when I tried to be a “good girl” I fucked up.

“Wowah,” Esmee said slightly startled as she reached over grabbed another bowl from the massive pile and held it up close under my chin, but the nausea had gone as quick as it had come and I new I wouldn’t be sick again making me look even more suspicious; cold the world really hate me that much to want me to alienate every one?”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled not bothering to even mutter my long explanation of how I didn’t make my self sick and how it just happened it was pointless any way there was no way she would believe me.

“You could help that Mi, you weren’t making your self sick then that just happened, you where almost as shocked about it as I was, your body has been though a whole lot and there is a load of medicine going into you a bit of sickness is to be expected.”

“I can sort that out if you want.” Jasper said making Esmee and my self jump; it appeared we had both forgotten he was still in the room with us, “I think you are about due for some more anti sickness if you wanted it any way, Then I really must change your sheets so you can get some sleep tonight.” Jasper said with a camp flick of his hand as he uncrossed his legs threw a piece of tissue over my latest bowl of vomit and left swinging his hips.

“Esmee, am I really too thin?”

“Yes.”

“Then why can’t I see it? When I look in the mirror I do see this fat person staring back at me and I mean I am huge I see fat rolls and love handles and everything, I’m not lying Esmee I do see that.”

“I know you do honey.”

“Where you like me too? Did you look at your self and hate every little bit?”

“You want to know one of my secrets, I sometimes still do.”

“But you’re so beautiful.”

“That doesn’t mean I feel it because so are you but you wont believe me and that is kind of what hurts the most, I could say it over and over again and it would make no difference would it, you just don’t feel it, but you are; to me you are beautiful.