puking is... (Mi's side)

Puking is…



“All right honey, it’s all right.” Esmee whispered gently crouching down beside me next to the toilet looping one arm around my shoulder and the other one around my throbbing waist helping me to stay propped against the toilet when all I really wanted to do was collapse down on to the floor because it hurt everything hurt. I wanted to sleep, I wanted to stop, I wanted to take my own advice for once in my life and let it rest now but I just couldn’t like two similar poles of a magnet could never join together.

Looking away from Esmee’s face with a grunt and I whimper I jammed my fingers back down my thought again and waited for her to restrain me or give me the usual staff patient show down talk “Stop or we’ll stop you, calm down or we’ll stop you, take control or we’ll control it for you… blaugh, blaugh, blaugh.

“oh honey that must be really painful.” Esmee whispered sweetly as more bile hit the bottom of the toilet and Esmee tightened the grip around my stomach more as it continued to heave and gag towards my mouth. “I’m holding you tightly so your stomach wont hurt so much,” Esmee said sweetly. “Your body’s had enough and it’s telling you to stop and that’s why it’s hurting,” Esmee explained, like she was explaining an equation on an homework sheet and not the laws of Bulimia.

Crying now I pushed my fingers once again heard into my throat making the pain boil in the rest of my body, “For god sake Esmee just restrain me all ready,” I sobbed trying to cram my fingers into my thought again as the last attempt had produced nothing but dry heaves. “I can’t stop, I can’t stop.”

“You can stop sweaty, you can, I know it is bloody hard but you do have that power inside you somewhere, you can stop you have to pull your self away from the toilet and sit and breath for a bit and I know you can do it. Esmee said strongly even though her face winced as I plunged in my slick wet back into my mouth and don, further, harder more vishos keeping it there no matter how much it hurt until green and red burst from my mouth

“but puking will make it better, puking makes me clean and pure and polished and white, puking will make it stop!” I shouted at Esmee sobbing loudly, “Puking will make it right and Bella will breath and live if I just keep puking! It’s divine it’s good. Puking makes me happy, puking…”

“ simply makes her cry…”