Finding Esmee (Mi's side)

Finding Esmee

I had to find either Emmet or Esmee. I had no idea why. Self-harm had never been a spectator sport before but now I had to find them. Something inside me screamed bigger then all of it put together. I had fallen to either a new low or grown to a bigger height. I needed them there. I needed them to run to.

I took the back stairs down to the first floor and flew up the main corridor to the day rooms sticking my head first into the empty dining room and then into the day room that was also empty. I was alone and lost and I had no idea where anyone was. I could have screamed. I wanted to scream. What was I going to do without them?

“Pull yourself together Mi.” I moaned my breathing accelerating as I aloud my body to slip down the wall towards the floor. My arm hurt, my head hurt and it felt like I was going to throw up. My head screamed and the sobbing echoed inside my chest but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get my head to make my plan of action solid. I was slipping through the cracks again.

“Hay, hi there sweetheart I was just coming to find you hon. Emmet said you weren’t feeling so hot ” Esmee. Hope, hope that I might not get swallowed alive. Esmee the very person I will let down the most and the only person I didn’t want to. Self-harm tried to kill everything and Esmee would be then next Person on its list. Self-harm destroyed the people you wanted to love you.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I sobbed trying to pull my body back up onto its feet again even though everything tried to keep me glued down to the floor. “I’M really, really sorry. I tried Esmee. I tried but I just couldn’t and and…” I shouted my breathing getting caught inside my chest. “I think I’m in trouble here Esmee,” I cried.

“Wowah honey, it’s all right. You have to slow down and take some big breaths for me then when you can tell me what has got you so upset. Esmee said, gently reaching forward and taking my hand into one of hers before she pulled it away startled my blood now smeared all over Esmee ‘s hand.