Signing aloud (Mi's side)

When I say nothing at all

Signing aloud

I tried to pull myself together when I heard the tap on my door so whoever it was outside didn’t have to see me so broken. Staff had gotten used to me being stronger and stronger and as a result they never saw me crying anymore. Emmet and Esmee were the only exceptions to this rule but they had long since gone form being just staff. They were the only ones that could get to me. They were the only one that didn’t make me strangely numb because Like it or not, it was just a race to the finish line now. They wanted me out and I wanted to go. I was never good enough for Apple gate house. Or maybe it was never good enough for me.

“This is Mi.” Emmet signed as well as speaking aloud to Hev as he pushed open my bedroom door and stepped inside, even though his body was still turned towards Hev.

I saw Hev give me a little concerned smile and waved before turning to Emmet and signing, “She’s crying. Maybe you should help her? I can wait outside, or maybe help. I don’t like to see people sad, not that I will be much use, not being able to talk.”

“I’m fine.” I said using my hands slowly and deliberately, making sure my hands were pointed in exactly the right way. My fingers curling in at the right points. It had been over a year since my hands had been used for language.

“I’m sorry I’m sad. I am Mi. My signing is a bit slow as I’m not used to it. It is nice to meet you though.” Hev’s face lit up into a smile as I signed the words. I was another person she could talk too. Another person were she could be more then a silent figure in the crowd. Invisible could hurt when you spent your whole surrounded in it’s smoke.

“You sign well,” Hev complemented excitedly, the expression in her hand movements changing again. “I’m Heaven-sent. I know it’s stupid, I think my parents were sniffing glue or something when they came up with that one. Everyone calls me Hev. It’s nice to meat you Mi, I don’t normally meet people that can sign. It’s nice to meet people that can understand me.

“You can sign?” Emmet blurted out amazed, his hands moving as he spoke aloud to me. “How come you never told any of us?”

“Well you never told anyone you could.” I pointed out. My signing becoming stronger the more I used it again. My hands began to know the shapes instantly recalling them from a part of my head that I thought had died long ago. There had been a time when signing had become my main language. The silent world that made Hev feel so isolated, I had had longed for.

“I didn’t have anyone to sign to.”

“Well neither did I.

“No one chooses this.” Hev’s hands almost groaned, their movements slow and sluggish. Every time I begin to feel normal I get reminded that I’m so far from it. I mean why would you use your hands when you can talk and everyone understands? When you can hear what someone is saying? I hate sign language, Everyone hates sign language.”

“That’s not true.” I didn’t even bother vocalising the words. “I almost prefer this. I can say so much when I say nothing at all.”