Super human abilities (Mi's side)

Super human abilities

I leant my heavy head back up against the cold cream colour wall and closed my eyes letting a solitary tear drip out of my right eye and down my face where it come to settle on my feeding tube.

“You look shattered honey. When is the last time you slept the whole night through?”

“Well it wasn’t night but I was pretty soundo when you shoved that stuff in my ass. A few hours ago.”

“I had to do that Mi. I don’t like doing it, but there was no option, there was no ECA or safe place for you to be. You could of seriously hurt your self if we let it continue.”

“I know, but I wish you didn’t. I Hate sleep.” I moaned still keeping my eyes shut but letting my lips curl up at the edges into a smile so Esmee new I wasn’t angry at her for sedating me.

“You seem to hate everything that is good for you.” Esmee sighed. I opened my eye a crack and watched her move off of the bed and over to the cupboards of the clinic and started pulling things out again. When I realised all was safe and well I let my eyes close again
.
“It’s not like that Esmee. It’d hard to explain.” I moaned

“Can you try for me.”

“I think so.” I said trying to rearrange the words that swam lazily around my head into a sentence while I dug at a single place on my hand with my thumbnail until I felt the warm blood under the skin. These seemed to centre my thoughts.

“It’s all about control right. Not eating, cutting , counting. Everything.”

“I guess so.”

“I hate losing control. I know I do, that doesn’t mean I like it. Every time I get manic I try so heard to Calm my self down but I can’t it’s like something In my head is bubbling over. Well I guess sleep is like that apart from I am more bubbling under.”

“Go on .”

I looked for the words to go on to try and make it easier to explain before the float images intruded behind my eyes forcing me to open them. I sighed. This was another reason I hated sleep so much. The creeping figures always came to scare me.

“It’s dangerous when your asleep. All control goes. You can’t control how your body moves, how you think, what happens around you. Any one can hurt you, and then there’s what you dream. The night mares you can get stuck in. They can be more scary then anything being awake can throw at you."

“It scares you.” Esmee observed as she poured water from the hose attachment on the sink into a big orange bucket before throwing in two bandages. I looked at her like there was a possibility that she had lost her mind.

“It’s a plaster cast. You got your one wet and it’s useless now. It’s just for tonight. I will write it in the diary for you to go over to the Fracture clinic tomorrow and get a new one.” Esmee offered with a smile seeing my confusion.

Panic raised in my stomach at the thought of having to go back there and explain so I dug I dug a little harder at the back of my hand with my thumb nail to try and keep my self calm. I didn’t want to go back over to the A and E. I could do with out there judgment and hatred. I hated my self enough.

“Also I would like to point out that I am not an idiot Mi and I know what you are doing under that tinfoil and I would like you to stop.” Esmee added giving me a meaning full stare that was disapproving but not harsh or hateful.

I stopped the scratching immediately and sighed, I should of guessed One Of Esmee’s super human abilities that she seemed to have would have been seeing through apparently opaque objects.