Tell it like it is (Mi's side)

I don't think this is praticulerly triggering but i must admit that i was in floods of tears while writing this and i am not sure why, maybe i am being over emotonal, maybe it was the song i was listening to ( the loneliest girl in the word by the Cary brothers, check it out it is amazing) or maybe it is a bit triggering and i can't see it, so just a little warning here. thanks for reading everyone
vikki


tell it like it is.

Say it, say it, say it, tell it like it is

Say it, say it, say it, tell it like it is

What breaks your heart

What keeps you awake at night

What makes you want to break down and cry

Tell it like it is

Tracy Chapmen

“Just tell me what it will achieve baby?” Esmee asked putting down the new pyjamas before coming over to the bed and sitting close by my side her hand gripping onto the bowl next to mine once again her beautiful engagement ring catching my eye; an amazing and some what significant token of how Emmet loved her more then the world it’s self.

“What do you mean?” I asked trying not to sound too defensive. I had a horrible feeling that Esmee had some how picked up the super power of mind reading and had dived in there and discovered my long to make my self sick; sick until I was thin again; sick until I was even thinner, Sick until I could fade to nothing

“I’m not reading you like a book Mi, I am simply reading me, that face your wearing I have worn it before but I want to stop you making the mistakes that I would have made. The fact that you haven’t made your self puke that means there is something in you that knows you shouldn’t. So tell me Mi what will making you self sick achieve; convince me and I will let you, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that, you have to stop me.”

“At this moment I am no one and free to make whatever promise I want Mi, make your case, you have my word.”

“I am fat, I want to be thin Esmee, and I want to fit in and be popular and be happy and free and beautiful.” I whimpered the tears gathering in both my eyes and hanging on the edges of my eyes lashes as I stared into the gray and cold cardboard bowl my bony fingers turning white as I gripped on hard to the edges.

“Now dig deeper and give me the real reason.” Esmee whispered placing her hand on top of mine on the side of the bowl wrapping her fingers tightly around them.

“Deep inside you somewhere though it is often concealed away you know that you are not fat, you know we wouldn’t be feeding you through drips and tubes if you where.” Esmee said gently pressing the side of her body close to mine. “Deep in you there is a real reason why you want to make your body vomit, tell me; tell it like it is my baby, it’s your time now; set your self free.”