(Esmee) As long as she is safe (Mi's side)

As long as she is safe

The tears stopped as suddenly as they came as the question left Doctor Carter’s lips and fell upon my ears. It had been so long since I had been asked that question by a professional and I suddenly remembered how much it had always irritated me.

The question had no real context yet it was thrown around so often, even I was guilty of letting the question slip out from my lips when I was talking with other people, It was what we where trained to use in any situation; a generic impersonal open ended question that could be asked in any scenario, yet I had only every wanted someone to be blunt enough with me to turn around and ask whet they really meant. “Esmee are you going to commit suicide?”

I felt the corners of my lips turn into a smile and coughed heard to mask the bubble of inappropriate laughter that forced its way to the surface before I pulled my self out of Emmet’s protective embrace and turned my attention to Doctor Carter who was sitting at his desk

“That question gets bounced around so often it doesn’t mean anything any more. I ask the same people the same question day in and day out and they all say yes and don’t mean it or I just don’t get an answer. I said roughly rubbing my temples before turning to look at Doctor Carter with the over grown childish smile that ad now attached it’s self to my face. I wasn’t sure of the question had generally be funny to me or it was just an involuntary mask that had attached to my face protecting my soul from the venerable position I had put my self in.

“Well don’t be one of them Esmee you know what I am asking and it isn’t a joke,”

“If you’re asking weather I am going to go home and overdose or try and throw my self of a cliff then no, it isn’t like that. Don’t get me wrong I find the idea intriguing sometimes, even tempting but not a viable option.” Emmet’s had tightened into an almost uncomfortable grip around mine as I mentioned the fact the I found the idea of suicide tempting, I doubted any other confession that could pass my lips would of hurt him more.

“So you are suicidal but not ready to commit to the action of actually doing it yet; but you want to, is that what you are telling me.” Doctor Carter asked which made Emmet’s grip so tight it felt like my had might explode before he blurted something incomprehensible into the conversation.

“Sorry Emmet I didn’t catch that.”

“You have to look after her,” Emmet said stiffly even though his voice was desperate and shaky before he pulled me in closer to his side holding onto my arms like somehow I might turn to dust in front of him. “You have to keep her safe, what about;” Emmet hesitated; “what about, about there, would that help, could they look after her? You have to do anything to keep her safe” Emmet whispered tightly before capturing the single tear that ran from his right eye in defiance in his wobbling hand. “Even if she never forgives me I don’t care as long as she is safe.”