(Esmee) His soul lies within (Mi's side)

His soul lies within

I don’t think I had planned to leave Emmet forever; maybe just a break away, a holiday somewhere where it didn’t feel so could; somewhere by the sea where people always seemed so free. Away from Emmet, away from Mi, away from myself. Of course that was where the problem lay that would be impossible and that would have been my main reason for going.

“Esmee, wait! Esmee, don’t do this, let me explain to you! Don’t do this to me again!” I heard Emmet yell as he ran after me out of the surgery doors and into the car park,

“Don’t do this to you! I bellowed loudly before spinning around on one foot to confront him, “You just threw me to the fucking dragons in there you..” I snapped loudly but stopped just before I called him all the names under the sun as the details of his face came into clearer focus, “Emmet,” I whispered gently as he ran at full speed into my arms before continuing to cry loudly and inconsolably into my shoulder. What the hell had I done to him?

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t leaving; well not forever, I just needed some space, some time, you betrayed me bad in there Emmet and it hurt, but I never meant to hurt you. Let me drive you home OK; I will try and make it better.” I whispered slowly trying to negotiate the words around the giant lump that sat proudly in my throat. We had been together almost 10 years and I had never seen him cry like he was then, he was always strong in the face of everything; always resilient to whatever blows he might of got in life but now he was so fragile and week and I had no idea what to do, how could you glue the glue that held everything together, together.”

“It’s all right,” I whispered gently in a hushed tone as I tried to move him and my self slowly towards the car that was over the other side of the car park “I’m here, I’m going to look after you, I’m going to make it better.” I promised any thoughts of breaks or holidays by the see drifting out of my mind, all that mattered now was I was there to look after him for as long as he needed me.

“Come on Emmet, it’s going to be OK.” I whispered gently as I reached his Nissan note in the doctors car park and shoved him in the passenger side, which was not as easy as it looked mostly due to the sheer size of him.

I had told Emmet that I would drive mostly due to the fact I liked my dinky Jazz compared to his more robust note but even then Emmet looked out of place in it and would have been more suited to a land rover or even an articulated lorry, but Emmet had insisted on driving me there and now I had to drive back in the monster that was Emmet’s car and not surprisingly when I slipped in the drivers side my feet where ten foot away from the peddles and I couldn’t see over the steering wheel.

“You really do have the longest legs on planet earth I groaned as I tried to shimmy the seat forward before trying to bounce on it to lower the steering weal to the measurements of a human being rather then that of a mountain giant.

“You’re just a short ass.” Emmet sniffed his mouth in a sort of twisted smile of tears and hummer as he glanced over at me just before I started swearing at the steering weal to see if it would help get it into place; the next plan was kicking it.

“I prefer vertically challenged, and I’m not that small any way you are just very, very tall.”

“We are completely opposite; almost incompatible; people laugh when they see us together we are so different and I suppose that is the problem.” Emmet said sadly not daring to look at my face but I could see his reflection in the side mirror of the car any way tears streaming down over his pink cheeks.

“Let them laugh, what difference does it make to us? I don’t need them, you are all I need and want and I bet the ones that do laugh haven’t ever felt love like I have.” I said gently placing my hand on Emmet’s leg as he caught the falling tears in his hands.

“I wasn’t trying to lock you up Esmee, surly after all this time you know mw better then that, I want you by my side always” Emmet moaned

“I know I can be a chore, I am damaged at best I can see why I get too much for you, I just wish you would tell me rather then try to send me to that place.”

I don’t want to get rid of you Esmee! I want to keep you safe” Emmet sobbed loudly any marginal control he had over the tears slipping away from him “I need you to be alive and safe with all the care and attention that you need and if that means fighting to have you sectioned and observed that that’s what I will do! Because I need you alive! My soul lives in you it flows around your veins and breaths every time you do, if you die the best part of me dies too. You told the doctor you where tempted to take your own life as easy as you would order a take away, you said like it was nothing, like it didn’t matter and I broke in two!” Emmet sobbed not able to catch his breath though the tears and the agony that seemed to have engulfed him entirely.

“If you can think it so easily Esmee you can act on it in the same way and all it would take is for me to be out or for me not to get you quick enough and you could be gone and I need you! I need you more then anyone in this world, even more then you need me and I don’t want you to go! I can’t let you go.” Emmet practically screamed his body almost heaving with the effort of it as he opened the car door and started coughing harshly out of it still unable to catch his breath before he puked onto the floor.