Trust her. (Esmees side)

Trust her  

Esmee

“Emmet. Are you sleeping?” I asked gently from my pillow as the numbers on the bedside clock ticked over from 12 59 to 1am. We had both been in bed for about an hour and Mi for two hours as she said she was tired and wanted to have a shower in a shower that had an opaque shower curtain for the first time in seven months. We had had a wonderful Christmas Eve all in all. There had been a few tears as we had placed the tiny new-born baby into her arms as she arrived into the house but she was soon captivated by the tiny little bundle like me and Emmet where. It wasn’t that she didn’t like babies she told us she loved them but she missed one in particular she could never get back and I felt her pain. Somethings with Mi went so deep I couldn’t believe her resilience. We had played games and watched Children’s Christmas DVD and she had helped me bath Mia and put her to bed with me at seven thirty. Mi was happy but still I couldn’t sleep.

“What’s the matter princess?” Emmet Asked rolling over to face me with a stretch. He had obviously been able to get some more sleep then I had, he wasn’t threating and I knew that neither should I but something was niggling at the pit of my stomach. Mi was brilliant at lying and on her best days she succumbed to darkness I had heard her say she was fine before. Fifteen minutes later I was pulling her unconscious body out of a bath.

“I’m worried and I can’t sleep. I want to check on her but I know I shouldn’t. There has to be an element of trust on both sides if this is going to work and she knows where we are and that she can come and get us any time. I mean your even wearing pyjama bottoms Emmet,” I laughed pressing the palm of my had up against his bare chest before letting my smile drop, but… she could also be dead.”

 

“We have to trust her darling. Or else she will never move on form the unit. I’m worried to. Honestly I am but it feels like we are braking something good if we go and check on her. I believe in her. You should to. I see so much of her in you and look at you now. The prettiest…” Emmet leant over and kissed my neck… “Most perfect woman on the planet. There again you always where to me.”

“You’re right. You’re always right. I love you.”    

******

The next time I looked at the clock it was three am. A tapping coming the corner of the room and somehow interrupted my dreams after I had dropped off after feeding the baby at 1 30 and changing her nappy. It appeared Emmet had heard it too as he turned over to face me one again

“What in the living hell is that?” He asked me his eyes still half closed

“Beats me.” I said turning on the bedside light and swinging my leg out of bed rubbing my eyes. I’m going to go and check on Mia make sure it isn’t her she’s been making escape attempts from her cot recently.”

“No you stay there I go.” Emmet said as the tapping got slightly louder. Emmet stretched as he got out of bed and gave a yawn before going over to the door and opening it before jumping a little hop backwards in surprise.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” I heard Mi stutter before her voice broke into sobbing just outside the bedroom door. The taping had been her knocking the door god knows for how long. She sounded desperate and unhappy like her world was falling apart and some and had been for some time.

I jumped out of bed in one fluid motion instantly no longer sleepy and went over to the door beside Emmet.

“It’s all right. It all right, Give me your hands,” Emmet said gently taking both her hands into his and leading her into the room. “Come and sit down on the bed for us sweetheart, come on.” Mi’s whole body trembled as she allowed Emmet to very slowly lead her over to the bed where she sat down.

 “Try and calm down for me, big breaths.” Emmet went down onto his knees in front of her and took Mi by the hands gently trying to look at her red blotchy soaking wet face. “Come on breath with me. In… out… in… out. That’s a good girl. How long have you been knocking sweet heart?”

“Abo… about… twenty… twenty minutes. I didn’t… didn’t want to disturb… you but… but… i…i…i… I really need your help.”

“Don’t be silly. You should have knocked harder and hollered if that didn’t get out attention. Never feel like that again if you need us you need us that’s what we are there for sweet heart.”

 “You’re… you’re not my nurses tonight.”

“No, we are your parents which is all the more reason for us to be there for you. Now tell me what’s going on.”

This seemed to be too much for Mi and she burst back into tears again. Her body rocking backwards and forwards on the bed. Her whole body shivering. I went over to the bed next to her after shutting the door and sat down wrapping my arms around her body where she clung onto me and Emmet got back to his feet so he could sit on the other side. It was heart breaking to see her like it in our own home even if I had seen her like it thousand times in the unit. It was meant to be a magical time it was Christmas and we loved her but it wasn’t enough and she was falling apart anyway and who new for what reason.

“I… I need to tell you something,” Mi whimpered her head pressed into my shoulder. “But you are going to be so angry with me.”

“Tell us sweetheart. I promise we won’t be angry,” I whispered gently fearing the worse all ready.

“Have you taken something Sweetie?” Emmet asked confirming that he was thinking along the same lines as me. “Swallowed something? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

“No. I bought razor blades while I was out though. I… I got them in my room… and…and I can’t stop myself from cutting. I’m… I’m so stupid.”