hold her until it's gone

Hold her until it’s gone

“What a good brave choice to make, now how would you like to approach this or would you like me to choose?”

“I have no idea. I’m trusting you remember.”

“Come on then, let’s go down stares for a bit. Esmee will come to.”

I got to my feet and followed as Emmet held one of Mis had and put the other one on her waste to try and steady her as she went down over the stares and into the kitchen flicking on the blinding bright light making Mi cover her eyes or a second or two before Emmet sat her down on one of the kitchen chairs. I allowed myself to approach her now. I wanted to hold her. She was no longer sobbing but she shock and her teeth chattered. Her face was bright red with tears. Her breathing come in shuddering burst her arms cradled up to her chest her eyes hovering over the kitchen cupboards and work surfaces. I was glad we had already removed the knives and put them in a cupboard with child lock. I had no doubt she would have gone for them is she could see them.

“It’s OK. I tried to sooth. Grabbing my own chair and sitting opposite her my legs speed out to go around hers so I could be close enough to touch her. “I know it feels like hell,” I said placing my hand on her shoulder while smoothing her hair behind her ear. I brushed my fingers over her cheeks to remove the fresh tears that fell as she rocked her body forward and backward, her feet tapping the floor.

“Would you like some Lorazepam Mi?” Emmet asked not concentrating as he grabbed a mixing bowl out on of the cupboards before diving into the freezer grabbing out two trays of ice cubes.

Mi shock her head. Roughly dragging her hands across her face before growling slightly before ripping the skin on her arms with her finger nails.

“Try not to sweetheart. You are doing so well,” I soothed again forcing myself not to grab at her hands. Sometime unit life was easier. Sometimes it was more than hard to watch someone slipping away and it was one of those times. 

Mi squeaked but removed her hand as she bent over in the chair her head almost touching my legs, Het back arching uncomfortable as new tears pulled her muscles upwards. “I feel sick.” She moaned.

I got to my feet and went over to the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a bucket that we used for Mia when she was sick before going back to Mi and placing it at her feet. “Just in case,” I reassured just before Emmet came over to us with his bowl of cold water and ice cubes.

“Mi sit up for me a minuet,” He encouraged placing a hand on her back. Mi sat up unsteadily and Emmet put the bowl on her lap.

“Here,” I said taking her hand and placing mine and hers into the freezing water. It was painful but I didn’t care. If this is what she needed this is what she would have. I would have done anything, been anyone, and gone anywhere to make her feel just the teeniest bit more comfortable.

Mi did not react to the ice her body still rocked and her tears still fell if it had given her the shock of pain we were hoping for she did not show it. If it was helping it didn’t register on her tortured face but she did not protest either as her finger curled and uncurled around an ice cube however it did not last long and very suddenly she took her hands out of the water almost spilling it on the floor, passing it over to me so she could get up and pace the kitchen floor tiles. It wouldn’t help she would be crawling time the end and I couldn’t stand it. There was nothing I could do part from watch her fail and watch her fall farther away and I couldn’t catch her.

“Make it stop,” Mi plead to anyone that would listen “I want to cut so badly!” She sobbed “but I want to stay here with u. I love you!”

Emmet moved before I could and without a word of warning scoped Mi up off the floor and into his arms like a baby. Mi sobbed harder but did not protest as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face deep into his still bear chest.

I got the doors from him as he mover her from the kitchen back up the flight of stairs to our bedroom again. “Lay down Esmee.” He said to me and I did I was told not really sure what his pan was, then gently laid Mi on the bed next to me her back to mine. “Just hold her,” He whispered to me.

He didn’t have to ask me twice that is exactly where I wanted her. Inside my arms. Close and as safe as I could make her.

“It all going to be all right baby,” I whispered close to her ear as I pulled her in so her back was up against me chest and my arms around her as tight as I could get them, my legs twisted around hers where she curled herself into a ball. “I’m right here my little darling. I’m right here and I promise I’m going to make it go away.