(Esmee) How did it come to this? (Mi's side)

How did it come to this?

“don’t ever talk like that! Ever , I mean it.” I stuttered trying to imagine my husbands own suicide. It made no sense, even with out me he was amazing he needed to be here, he needed to keep on living above everything.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered gently bowing his head down close to mine so are forehead’s touched together, “I am yours forever.”

“I’m yours too.”

“Can I sort your legs out now?”

I sighed knowing the time had to come. I wanted to forget what I had done and hoped that if I had just stayed there long enough what I had done would be erased somehow but it hadn’t and the time had come to take responsibility for my actions again.

“I am sorry, I have really messed up this time.” I whispered ashamed as I uncurled my body and sat up revealing the damage to my legs. They where a mess of jagged slices none of them to deep to hurt but all of them enough to leave a mark and there where loads, more then I had done for over five years.

“Oh darling,” Emmet soothed sympathetically looking at me legs as he got to his feet and turned the taps on over the bath tub. He was also covered in my bloody from where he lay on the floor. I had not felt so small for a long time, this was not the actions of the independent professional women I had tried to become but the out of control teenager that I once was; the out of control teenager I had fort so hard to let go.

“I think the best thing for you to sit on the edge of the bath with your legs in the tub that way I can bath them off better.” Emmet instructed giving me his hand to help pull me up from the floor.

I did as I was told with out question and in silence biting down on my lip to stop me from bursting into tears again; I felt so degraded, I was a teenager the last time he had done this I never though all those years later it would come back again. How had it come to this?

“I am sorry if this hurts.” Emmet said again softly leaning over the bath and sponging off my legs with a wet towel trying to remove all the dried blood to reveal the real damage underneath. Each new cut that became apparent felt like it cut me all over again as the water turned a dirty brown colour from all of the blood until finally after the devastation of my right leg was completely revealed I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer and they erupted from my chest in a heavy sob.