Out the door (Mi's side)

Out the door

I braced my body for the worst and prised my self away from Emmet though the whole of me ached to stay latched onto him so I could soak in his warmth and compassion, it was the only good thing that I felt and I new in seconds it would be gone.

“I’m not going anywhere Mi, I will get off of your bed and let you rest t but I’m not going to shout like your scared I’m going to and I’m not going to walk away.” Emmet said gently sitting up on the edge of the bed leaving me colder then I had prepared my self for; it appeared there was no way I would be able to brace my self for the pain it caused somewhere inside of me.

“This is stupid,” I muttered feebly wrapping my arms around my body in a vain attempt to replicate the security I had felt when he had been holding me still. He had been like a giant armoured shelter wrapped around me that had been impenetrable to the bad things that tried to get themselves in, my self alone against them offered no more protection then a straw house and the bad things had matches.

“Did I let go too soon?” Emmet asked gently smoothing his fingers through my messed up hair. I nodded grabbing hold of the blanket on my bed trying my best to hug it close to me

“The bad things keep coming to get me.” I whispered under my breath squeezing my eyes tightly shut. “The bad feelings that drive me so crazy inside and the hurt, the hurt is so big and it’s never ending it just sits in me forever making every thing so painful.” I whined as my upper body shook violently which made my voice shiver.
“ I know Esmee’s mad with, and she has every right to be, but I know she has felt it before and if she could only remember how much it hurts maybe she would understand why I sometimes feel like I would rather be dead then feel it anymore.” I moaned

“I remember it all to well.” I opened my eyes with a start to see Esmee stood just inside the door, for some reason I expected her to look different, harsher, meaner, with the same red eyes that scared me so much but she didn’t she was the same as I always remembered her which only made it harder for me to restrain my self and not climber off of the bed towards her again so I could hold onto her before she disappeared in front of me if only just to apologize to her; she may never be able to forgive me but she had to know I was sorry.
“Mi, I am so sorry, I promised you I would never hurt you on purpose and I just did and that is completely unacceptable. I understand if you don’t want me to be here any more and I can sign off as your primary nurse at the unit. I should not of done what I did and I don’t expect you to forgive me hell if I was you I wouldn’t but I wanted you to know I was sorry OK honey.” Esmee said smiling though her own falling tears before she turned towards the door and pulled down then handle to walk out of my crumbling life forever.