Defeating the impossible (Mi's side)

Defeating the impossible

“I’m not sure how long I sat at the table in the dinning room with a pen in my hand working out any ridiculously hard equation Esmee wrote down on the third piece of paper but I actually didn’t care. I would have spent the rest of my life sat up to that table working out any sum that was given to me.

“How are you feeling?” Esmee asked softly after a while as she handed me another piece of paper with the sum 1 plus 1 written with a smiley face doodled after it. I didn’t know how to answer her, I kind of felt better; like the red waves had retreated, like they weren’t above my head any more and filling up my lungs but lapping around my ankles just to keep me aware that it was still there; that it still owned me even after the modest success but how could that have been possible? I had never fought it and won before, I had always succumbed to it’s needs and not mine.

“I can carry on with the maths questions if your not ready Mi, I have all the time in the world, if it’s going to help you get though this then I will stay forever.”

“No, I’m OK I think, but that seams impossible; it had me drowning I could feel the tightness and the chocking in my lungs taking me over and Emmet was trying so hard but I new it wasn’t going to be good enough, and I was so rude Esmee and he was being so nice.” I stuttered my whole body shivering and shaking from under the shook of everything swimming inside of me like I could fight and win all the wars and still have so many more that I would have to get through some how and before I new it the tears came as well swimming in my eyes and tumbling down my cheeks before I could even try to get them into the right order to make any sense; for them to have any meaning for them to actually be there at all.

“I know Mi, it can be scary taking back control after so much time but you will just have to trust me when I tell you that what you have just done is a very good thing.”

“Scary, I corrected, terrifying.” I trembled

“I know but you’re going to be Ok.” Esmee soothed getting off of her chair and coming closer to me wrapping her arms tightly around mine. “your going to be just fine; I’m right here by your side.”