Driven to distraction (Mi's side)

TRIGGERING,


Driven to distraction

“Everyone forgets; moves on.” I said weekly the tears breaking out from the inside to be shown to the world. There had been a time when I wouldn’t cry for anything; just couldn’t. after Arabella died they dried up to become some sought of burning caesium where the tears would turn to acid and scold me from the inside out until they moved into my blood stream and I had to cut to let them out before they killed me. Now however I cried all the time not that I didn’t want to cut any more; I just wanted to do both, like there was to much to be let out in one way and right then I wanted to do both, cry until my eyes and throat hurt and cut until I passed out on the floor.

“This is bloody ridicules!” I yelled at my self as the images of my desire floated though my head and triggered the same tight feeling in my chest, triggered the same tingling heat that swam up and down my body wherever the blood flowed like it was itching and the only way to scratch it was with the sharpness of metal.

“I’m so fucking impossible!” I yelled again dragging my hand out of Emmet’s using both of them to slap my self on the fore head. One minuet I was morning my son the next it seemed he didn’t matter any more, like I would of sold my last memory of him for a disposable razor blade; maybe the I could of cut the pain his memory caused me out of myself and put all that bad blood into a sealed box as well.

“Hands, I want those hands back.” Emmet ordered dragging them away from my fore head and squeezing them into his at the same time as flashing a look at Esmee who got when it meant with out any trouble and slipped over to the bathroom door pulling it close s with a thud; apparently Emmet was expecting trouble as well as my self even though I was trying so heard to get the monsters to leave my head, for the acid in my blood to settle down, for the tears from my eyes to be the only ones that was needed and not the ones from skin as well.

I squeezed Emmet’s hands heard as every though to cutting my self made the bands constrict further I new if my brain would just think of something different that I wouldn’t feel so desperate but there was no inspiration in amongst the plain padding and cameras to save myself from my self.”

“For god sake distract me!” I yelled getting to my feet unsteadily while dragging Emmet with me as he now refused to let go of my hands. “This room might stop someone from cutting them self’s but it certainly wont stop them from going insane I yelped as another elastic band tied it’s self tighter around the bottom of my chest making It feel like I was fight for my breath.

“Now distractions I can do! Come on you can help me decide what colour you want your new room, because of you keep fighting it like this kiddo you will be living with us in no time!"