(Esmee) I survive for you (Mi's side)

I survive for you

Emmet and my self stayed on the floor for a long time. I wasn’t sure how long exactly but it must have been hours as the sun had now set in the sky and we where lying in the gloom with just the hall way light for illumination.

My father had done the rounds for the children and brought them back home our house where he had stayed with them while my mother occasionally hovered at the bathroom door like a ghost before sighing and walking away. My mother had no idea how each one of those sighs destroyed me. I wanted so much to be good enough for her and though she always told me that she loved me and wouldn’t change me for the world there was always a bit of me that though she expected so much more of me; more that I should have been able to give.

“What’s the matter? You have gone all stiff again?” Emmet asked gently kissing me on the fore head
“How to be perfect, you all deserve so much more.”

“I have exactly what I want.”
“So you like lying in my blood on my mothers bathroom floor?”

“I want you forever and always, what ever comes with that comes with that.”

“I tried to walk away for you Emmet, I tried to set you free.” I whispered tracing patterns with the tip of my finger onto his chest

“Set me free? You have no idea how much you mean to me do you?” Emmet said pulling me closer to him and wrapping his arms around me protectively like he was scared I might vanish into thin air, or turn to dust in his hands. “When you mother called I was writing a note.”

“A note?”

“My suicide note. For the first time in my entire life I didn’t want to live. I didn’t know pain like that existed, there was just the blackness and the sadness, there was no light, there was no hope, there was just this empty void,” Emmet gulped his voice thick with tears. “I was wrong Esmee when I said you had to survive for your self. I never really saw it till now but I survive for you.”