Her pain i created (mi's side)

Her pain I created

“Oh no.” I groaned closing my eyes trying to find the blackness again, I didn’t want to wake up here. I was looking for my sister and son not the pain, a pastel room and rather unattractive backless dress (gown) and… I tried to look up at the figure that had held the dish under my chin… Emmet and Esmee; the saving graces.

My body hurt too, so much so that I wished I was still under and every breath made a stabbing pain pierce into my chest making the whole concept of breathing just a little bit hard too to manage.
“Are you in pain baby girl?” Esmee asked gently leaning closer to the bed and taking my heavily bandaged hand into hers.

her face was tight and unnatural for Esmee’s her smile forced through a think layer of tears that made her face wet and her eyes red rimmed, something was hurting her far more then I had ever seen before and I almost aloud my self to weep with her’ her tears hurt me more then the physical pain ever could.

“Don’t cry Esmee.” I whispered Gently gripping my hand as much as I could around hers. I wish there was something more I could do to comfort her but I didn’t think my body would respond even if I tried to get it to move off of the bed.

“I’m not, I’m OK honey there is no need to worry about me.”

“Your lying to me, but I guess that’s OK, I lied to you too.” I said gently almost ashamed of what I had done. I did not regret the thought of my suicide, I regretted that it didn’t work and now I had to see her pain, I had counted on being dead so I didn’t have to watch the torment it might cause her.

Esmee’s face cracked and her bottom lip quivered which she bit down on as a tiny little half sob escaped her lips and new tears fell from her eyes so fast she couldn’t catch them in her hand ad her shoulders shook with the pressure of keeping her tears silent.

“Urgh! Why am I always confined to a bed when I need to do the comforting for once in my life?” I moaned trying to persuade my legs to spin round on the bed so I could get to my feet and wrap my arms around her, her cuddles had always helped me I hoped mine would do the same thing.

“Esmee why don’t you go out and take five minutes.” Emmet said gently placing his had on her shoulder which only caused the shaking to increase.

“No! Don’t go away, please.” I shouted as loud as I could though the pain ripped up through me, I couldn’t stand her walking away. “Just give her a damn hug or something!” I yelled at Emmet. “I mean I would but as I said I have the bed issue!”

Emmet did as I asked and pulled Esmee into his arms where she silently sobbed into his shoulder, I had never seen her like this, could scarcely imagine it even but here she was braking her heart mere feet away from me and I had a horrible idea that I new why and It was my fault.

“She found me didn’t she?” I asked weekly feeling the nausea roll inside me again.

“Yep,” Emmet nodded bending his head close to Esmee’s and kissing her gently on the top of her hair.

“I am sorry,” I said crying my self as I ripped my body from its lying position, I didn’t care how much it hurt if I had caused this pain I would sooth it too. “Esmee I am sorry it was you! I never wanted to hurt you!” I yelped as the pain hit me harder as I got to my feet but as I almost expected my legs weren’t strong enough to support me and my body went crashing down to meet the floor.