It doesn't matter so i will be honest (Mi's side)

It doesn’t matter so I will be honest

I cried for what felt like a long time locked up safe in the relative security of Emmet’s arms and I was acutely surprised when I stopped, I was sure I would cry forever or at least scream out for her but I had been sure of that before and as with everything ready or not, the outward show of pain stopped leaving the ach inside.

“Please don’t let go,” I whispered knowing that Emmet would remove him self from the bed now my crying had gone but I didn’t want him to let me go, I may have looked better but inside I was still screaming.


“ok, tell me when you feel like you can manage on your own then I will let you go.” Emmet said softly adjusting his arms around me. With out thinking I wrapped my arms around one of his and held on tight two gentle tears falling out of my eyes and splashing onto his hands

“Can I talk to you?” I asked gently closing my eyes against my surroundings so o couldn’t see them.
“Of course you can honey, you know that.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone when I cut my self in the bath I didn’t really even mean to kill myself either, I was killing something else, something deeper.” I moaned resting my head on top of Emmet’s arm while holding on tighter to him.

“I know Sophie’s bad she represents everything that is wrong with the world and it feels like I could make it better if I could only get rid of her, so that’s what I was doing, I was killing her not myself but I had to go with her because she lived inside me and I know now that I’m still here so she is too and it will be days before she is talking at me again or dancing around me in the mirror telling me that I am fat and stupid and this may sound nasty and horrible and completely self centred but I don’t think I can do it again, and this is going to make you shout at me like your wife just did but I have lost everything any way so it doesn’t matter so I will be honest. With you Emmet. I wish I was dead, I didn’t want to be saved so maybe she was right, maybe I am evil and maybe you should walk away and lat me finish what I started.”