Left alone (Mi's side)

Left alone
With out really realising I had gone to sleep I woke up curled up in a tight ball at the top of the mattress. I looked around the room for Esmee but she was not there, I was alone again in the windowless prison of egg box foam with nothing more then a dim night light aglow in the centre casting an eerie shadow over the room making me fear the corners that where cast in complete darkens.

Loneliness and a sense of abandonment throbbed like a hollow void in my stomach making my muscles tighten in agony until I felt like I would throw up over the floor. I would of done anything to have her just sat in the corner of the room again.

Unable to stop my self I sobbed loudly at the pain curling my self up into the same ball and rocking backwards and forwards my whole body shaking in the rhythm of my uncontrolled sobbing as my soul drowned in the deepest blackness and the nausea clenched at my stomach. There was no way of knowing what time it was or who was on shift but I new no one would come no matter who hard I cried. The person in the CCTV could simply turn off the sound.
There was no let up at the internal torture that ripped up savaging my body and I cried unstoppably even though my throat was sore and my head felt like it would explode from the tension that pulled across my fore head. If anything the more my head hurt the more I sobbed because I couldn’t take the pain.

I tore at the skin under my pyjamas with my finger nails but because I was known to use them as a weapon weekly they whey where clipped down so they could do no damage and even if they could of ripped open the skin it wouldn’t of made any durance. This pain was beyond the healing powers of cutting only everlasting sleep could calm me.

There was a beep of a card key opening the door and the main lights blinked into lighting illuminating the room around me causing the gray textured foam to become more prominent.
“Mi.” Edward said gently placing his hand on the small of my back which only cause my sobbing to intensify.

“It’s breakfast OK. Do you want some orange juice or something?” Edward asked softly going down to his knees beside the mattress.
“Is there something I can do to help?” He asked again gently like he was addressing a frightened abandoned puppy.
I shock my head feebly against the plastic of the water resistant mattress. That my hot sticky body clung to like a suction cup to a window.
“Can I just sit with you for a bit then, just for some company?”
This time I nodded I didn’t think I could stand him walking out and the heavy padded door of the swinging shut behind him leaving me alone again.
“OK. Should I sit here or go over by the wall Mi? What’s going to make you feel safe?” Edward asked again in the same gentle tone as he reached forward and pulled back the hair that was sticking to the sides of my face.

“He…here.” I stuttered loudly in between the waves of tears that consumed me still. I prayed for them to end but they seemed to not stop. Like there was a never ending supply of them backed up somewhere like I would cry forever.

Edward sat down on the floor close to my curled up body and looked over me not speaking just watching me closely as I pulled my hands up over my face and hid behind them, I really didn’t want to be left yet crying like this in front of someone was too embarassing.
“So, did something trigger this?”
I shook my head my breath shuddering in my chest.
“Well you are obviously very upset Mi,” Edward commented again. He said leaning forward and taking hold of one of my hand while resting his other hand over my fore head.
“Your boiling .” He said gently removing his had and getting up and walking over to the door to the bathroom In the ECA swiping his card key making the door swing open to reveal the shining white behind it. Grabbing some bathroom tiles from the dispenser he ran them under the water before returning to me and pressing the cool wet towels to my fore head. His face in a soft kind smile.

“I need you to try and calm down OK and I cam going to ask one of the staff nurses to give you some Oxygen try and make breathing a bit easier for you.” He soothed again before brushing his fingers through my hair again.

“Don’t leave me,.” I begged the panic rising in my thought at the thought of his back leaving into the sunlight and the padded door swinging shut behind him with a menacing click.
“I won’t leave you for long, I am literally going to get a nurse and come back with them OK.” Edward soothed getting gently to his feet before swiping his card key once more and slipping out of the door the click resounding behind him encaging me in my prison.