Emmets anger

 Emmet’s anger

By that evening I was back to normal, almost. Now and again my stomach would heave upwards or butterfly’s would flap inside on my chest as I imagined not being able to go into my room and find all my blades but I could push them away.

I had been asked by Emmet and Hev to sit in the living room full of people. Normally I would have said no and hide away  in the corners of my room wishing the time away while scribbling  into my overfilled sketch book or with my head so far buried into a book no one could see when I cried alone into the pages. Sometimes Esmee or Emmet would come into the room and sit with me for a while, sometime we would talk or sometimes we wouldn’t. If Esmee was involved I would mostly involve me cuddling up next to her when she told me memories of her childhood and I told her glimpses of mine and promised her that one day I would open the lid of Pandora’s box that was now once again hidden inside my wardrobe. I wanted to open it but never thought I could.

 That night was different though. Weather because Hev had a smile on her face as she asked me even though it was her first day in prison or whether it was because she was asking with her hands and laughing as she made secret swearing signs behind Emmets back I didn’t know but I picked up my sketch book and decided to join them in the lounge.

The lounge was about the size of Doctor Jordan’s office with the same short pile blue carpet as the rest of the hospital. The walls where painted in baby blue powdery paint and shiny white varnish was on the skirting boards. It only flaked away where people did not look and it only had scuff marks from where people lashed out where others could not see. The secrets of apple gate house were never known by passers-by but I was in the middle. The middle where I could see the nightmares.   There were miss-matched chairs that circled the room all of which were pointed to an out dated TV that mostly displayed whatever was being played through it in an interesting shade of green. It also did not display subtitles, like we found out that evening.

“It’s OK Emmet I’m used to it.” Hev said gently to Emmet as he growled at the remote and bashed it up against the side of the sofa in frustration trying to make the subtitles kick in. “Emmet,” Hev said again gently with her hands before turning to my corner where I was sat on a bean bag and signing “fucking idiot” To me in such a casual manner I snorted throw my nose and dropped my pencil causing the whole of the living room to turn and look at me. I grabbed my pencil turned a bright shade of green and continued drawing trying to lead them into believing that it wasn’t me while I kept one eye on the conversation unfolding from the sofa opposite and the other on Esmee’s portrait.

“Emmet stop it.” Hev signed, this time sadly, touching the side of his arm to make him turn his face to look at her, this is when I put down my drawings and Esmee stopped playing with the Lego on the floor with Madeline. Emmets face was hurting, his eyes close to tears as he stared into the face of Hev and sighed heavily looking away, throwing the remote down on the floor in frustration making Madeline laugh as she used Esmee’s as a rock face for her Lego car to drive over.

“Don’t get so worried about it Emmet.” Hev signed also seeing how his expression changed though she didn’t understand exactly what it meant, Esmee on the other hand was looking for the available exits and how she could drag him out of the room. “It happens to me all of the time Emmet, I live inside a silent bubble and the damn it the walls are so think no once can normally get inside. They can’t hear me and because of that they can’t even see me and I shout at them and I scream at them but they don’t hear and I move like fog and shadows in a world where I am almost convinced I don’t belong but I come here and it should be the worst place in the world for me but I find you and I find Mi and you hear me. I don’t care whether I can’t hear the TV or not. I’m used to it… I’m used to it. .

“Well you shouldn’t just be used to it,” Emmet signed angrily. “You belong here and weather you are death or not you deserve to fit in and enjoy the stupid green television as much as the next person! I have had enough of it!” Emmet yelled with his hands making them move in fast jerky movements. Hev sank back into the Sofa her face grimacing as her fingers gripped around one of the thread bare cushion covers on the chairs. I tried to get my own hands to move to tell her that it was Ok but I was scared too. I had never seen his eyes so dark or full of thunder.

“Emmet, I think you have a load of paperwork to catch up on.” Esmee said her face in a smile and her voice light as she got to her feet to confront him but Emmet ignored her and continued to sign expletives as he headed off towards the television, his eyes burning with green flames.