i was really alone (mi's side)

I was really alone

The panic rose inside of me and the bile churned inside my tummy… I was alone. I had hid all my blades in the best places known to me and within forty five minutes they had found them all… I was alone. Of course I had been expecting them to find most of them But not all of them. That is where my hopes had lied. That they could skim over something so small tapped to the underside of a fixed shelf but Edward hadn’t and he threw it into the bin with such ease… I was alone. Who would have suspected the top of a body spray can? I was alone. My breath got caught somewhere just outside of my panting lungs as I saw the four staff move in slow motion while they continued to up route my room to an unrecognisable state but I knew they wouldn’t find anything…I was alone

“You found them all.” I signed to the air unable to get my voice to vocalize the words that I hoped wasn’t true. I needed those blades. Not to use them but just to have them. They made me calm; calmer than any stupid blue of pink pills they could through down my throat and now they were all gone into the bottom of a bright yellow hazard box and I had to run with no safety net. There was nothing to stop it if I couldn’t take it. What would I do if I needed to cut again? What if the blood turned to led in my veins and it poisoned me? I needed those blades back; I would go crazy without them.

“Give them back to me.” I signed again in a whisper, my hands barley moving. “I need them to breathe. Give them back to me I need them to stay…”

“Emmet I think she’s talking to you.” Esmee said aloud cutting me off as I noticed her eyes focused in on my hands trying to work out what I was saying.

“What’s the matter honey?” Emmet asked aloud stopping what he was doing to look at me along with the rest of the staff.

“I’m alone.” I signed, before bursting into noisy panicked tears.