It's too late (Emmets side

Very very triggering.

It’s too late.
Esmee was a self harmer. Of course I new this and for a long time in are younger days I would spend to much of my time cleaning up the aftermath of a cutting session as she ravished her beautiful body with what ever she could find. She got infections almost weekly from using dirty tools before in the end I came to the very reluctant choice to by her some sterile blades. I hated doing that more then anything I had done in my life it felt like I was taking the blade to her skin my self but the infections where bad and this would stop them. I couldn’t stop her cutting her self hell I had tried, but I could stop the pain of an infection and fever ripping though her body making her vomit and scream in agony.


So yes Esmee was a self harmer but it had been years. Her scars where exactly that now, scars, a history of past abuse. There where no angry new cuts on her body these days that would make her cry out when ever I touched her or the fabric of her clothes brushed past them. She had recovered but here she was shivering and crying with a razor posed at her skin,

.“Emmet leave.” She hissed from behind clenched teeth her breath ragged and barley controlled. I new she was fighting hyperventilation. That’s what she wanted to do breath rapid and fast because she told me once when she got to this stage it felt like her chest was being squeezed closed and she felt like she couldn’t breath.

“No. No.” I babbled shaking me head feebly as I wondered if I could jump forward grab the bade and if I had to restrain her. It was selfish but I couldn’t clean her up again I couldn’t watch her pain. I had to save her.

I don’t want to do this in front of you.” Esmee stuttered pushing the blade in a little deeper to her leg. I grabbed the door frame for support. I didn’t know if I could stay there and watch her do it. I would try because to leave her when she was like this would be the most selfish act of my life.

“Then don’t.” I pleaded as the tears welled up in both my eyes. “Please, please don’t” I croaked. I new what I was saying where not the right things. I had talked teenagers down off of bridges and charmed razors out of there hands before in my job, but she wasn’t my job. She was Esmee. She was my life and my soul. My training wouldn’t fit here.

“I. need. To.” Esmee stated her breathing raising to hyperventilation now. the pain that must have been raging inside her now must have been almost unbearable and I wondered who long she had been fighting this urge. Since she left work. While she was in work before then and could I of changed it if I wasn’t late home. If I had been with her could I have helped before this stage?


“No you don’t. You know you don’t. This is a week moment. I get that. But we fort this Esmee and you won. We can fight it again.” I said my breath almost as frantic as hers as I took one more step closer to her.

“It’s too late.” Esmee moaned softly shaking her head as she pressed the blade into her pale skin and dragged it back causing a line of thick bright red blood to appear. Esmee breathed deeply than her body ceasing to shake as she picked up the blood stained blade and made another identical line of blood underneath hissing as the pain of the cut drove though her.