Realization (Emmets side)

Containes highly triggering content,

Realization
Her face wasn’t her own as she sat back her eyes closed against the cool toilet system as she smudged the bleeding lines with her index finger. She had changed in front of me and once again I had to support my self on the door frame and steady my breathing to stop me vomiting. I was not disgusted with Esmee but I was disgusted with the creature that now inhabited her mind and body and I was scared. Terrified that she may never come back. Petrified that she would leave me.

I had no words to say as I watched my wife spread the blood around her leg and then take the razor to her skin again causing another perfect line of red liquid to appear. She was young and fragile again. She was 16 year old Esmee. The Esmee that slashed her wrists in front of me and didn’t give it a second thought The Esmee that had given up.

Then in a blink of an eye it happened with the forth cut. It was deeper then the others causing the skin to split open and it hurt more. It was this pain that made her come back, it was the sudden pumping blood that dripped off of the side of her leg and onto the bathroom floor with little pops that made her eyes open in horror and her face to turn even paler then it all ready was.

“No. No.” Esmee stammered as she saw the blade posed in her hand and the blood dripping from her legs. “no.” She whined her panic rising as she dropped the razor to the floor and into the pool of blood with a soft ping.

It took me a while to learn how to move again to arrange my legs so they could stand independently with out the help of the door frame but she needed me right then and no matter how much she scared me her fear was worse, a thousand times worse.

“It’s OK.” I soothed drooping to my knees in front of her pulling a towel from the rail and pushing it to her leg. “It’s ok.” I promised though the tears seeped out of my eyes involuntarily.

“Emmet. Emmet tell me I didn’t, tell me this wasn’t me right, Right?” Esmee begged as she placed her blood stained hands onto my cheeks forcing me to long up into her tear filled eyes.

I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her own fair had that had caused these wounds on her body. I wanted to ease her pain somehow but she new the truth all ready and I could never lie to her so I closed my eyes and looked away back to the towel that was slowly turning red.

“No!” Esmee shrieked her grief swallowing her whole as she drew her legs away from me and up onto the toilet seat wrapping her arms around them as she sobbed huge uncontrollable tears into her legs.
“No she wailed again making her ball tighter blocking out everything and everyone including me.