Trigger warning

Working late.
I worked late that night spending every second of it with Mi. It was that or I had to ECA her. The decision had been made to amber her for a number of reasons. She was scared, new, a self harmer, she also had little to no use of one of her hands and the fact she had fainted once made her a fall risk. I would of liked to disagree with crystals dishing but it would have been unprofessional too, if anything her risk should have had her at an red arms length but Crystal was lenient. Not something you saw all that often.

Finally at ten o’clock a whole two hours after the end of my shift I took Mi back to her room from the dinning hall waited outside with my foot in the door while she changed in pyjamas that where much too big for her and reassured her that I would be back tomorrow after lunch for the late shift and told her to ask if there was anything that she needed then left before my instinct as a farther kicked in and made it impossible for me not “to tuck” her in. Esmee probably would of and then finished it off with a round of her lullaby her maternal instincts where stronger then any one’s I new.

Going into the office the first thing I saw was the note on the white board written in Esmee’s cute writing. Her I’s dotted with happy faces and to many swirls on the letters that had tails. From any one else it would have been annoying after the long day I had. From her it simply made me smile.

Emmet,

I know you are really busy with Mi.

I do hope she is Ok

I was going to wait but my mother called and she wanted to go out

So she came and got me so I could take Mia.

We all ready miss you, try not and be too late home

All my love, Esmee. Xxx

My heart ached to just turn right back around again walk out the door jump in my car and go home to her where I could just sit on the sofa with her, her head on my lap with her thumb in her mouth and watch what ever DVD she wanted to. Or maybe she would want an “early night” together. However I had been the person to spend the most time with Mi and her folder as expected was waiting on the desk ready for me to fill out.

I took me nearly an hour to fill out Mi’s folder and time I got to the car it was pushing 11, so much for me not being too late home. I of course would of understood if Esmee was angry with me, but I new she never would be. She would praise me for being so caring to someone that needed my help.

At around quarter past 11 I finally pulled my car out side of the house and practically ran up the drive to the front door . Making my usual mistake after a day at work I tried and of course failed to open the door with my card key before realising the big traditional front door key would probably do a better job.

“ Esmee.” I whispered as loud as I could knowing that Mia would now be in bed. I tip toed into are front room expecting to find her on the sofa her feet up either napping or watching something that had caught her eye as she sucked on her thumb where I could swoop over and place a kiss on her lips and she would smile that amazing breath taking smile. Or if she was soundly sleeping I would scoop her into my arms and carry her up the stairs tucking her into bed.
 “Esmee?” I muttered confused as the colours of the picture of the TV flashed lighting the room but she was not on the sofa.

Realising she must have gone to bed and just left the TV on or she was attending to Mia I headed to the stairs and crept up them. When I first reached the landing I first heard her. Her soft little sobs of pain. She was crying, alone and in pain.

“Esmee! Esmee.” I shouted much louder now in panic racing up the corridor. “Esmee darling where are you.? What’s the matter? Esmee!” I shouted pushing open are bedroom door to find nothing then I went into the bathroom next door that wad alight with a soft glow the door agar with my little crying angel inside.

“Esmee.” I shouted throwing open the door ready to buddle her into my arms and carry her to the bedroom where I could hold her properly, but I didn’t do that, what I saw made me froze still. Panic sweeping over me and nausea gripping at my stomach. Esmee sat on the toilet seat in just her underwear one of the cases of my safety Razors smashed open at her feet and in her shaking had pressed between her thumb and middle finger she held a tiny silver Razor to the top of her leg.