(Esmee) He had to save her (Mi's side)

He had to save her

“Is there a reason she isn’t coming or shouldn’t I ask? I think I gave up on that one a long time ago.” Crystal remarked coldly flicking her badly died ginger hair over her shoulder.

“She isn’t coming because I think it might put the other clients off to watch her vomit into her corn flakes.” I said irritated scowling back at Crystal “and you may have given up on her but I would thank you to keep comments like that to your self Crystal, it is your job to try your very best for every one of these patients and while I am running a shift I will not tolerate anything other then your best.” I scolded angrily.

Too many people had given up on Mi and that was the reason why for the last three weeks when we hadn’t been there she had been aloud to fall so far into the pit she was in. Any mentally healthy person who Had not spent there whole life living in the cusps of abuse would have not tolerated such sever side effects to a set of drugs and would be banging on here doctors door until something was done however Mi had been hurt all her life and was venerable or if wanting to be clinical about it “at risk.” She didn’t know what the right way to be treated was and she accepted anything that happened to her for she was still under the illusion the she was terminally evil. Surly our job as doctors and nurses to her was to protect her when she couldn’t protect her self by evaluating the situation and coming to our own conclusion weather the side effects where manageable for her and not throwing her to the lions and pushing on with a drug program any moron could see was not working.

Grumbling to my self and finding it hard not to actually turn around and punch crystal in the face because once again my comment had been take with a rather annoying roll of her eyes I turned away and went down to the clinic to get Mi’s medication.

Sighing loudly I pulled Mi’s medication packets out of the draw and grabbed a paper pot from the side so I could start popping them out. Her medication list had become ridicules over the time she was with us and it seems over the last three weeks it had once again grown by a good four pills . She was now on no less then two different anti-depressants two different ant psychotic pills, an anti-anxiety medication a mood stabiliser an iron supplement a vitamin tablet, a stomach acid reducer and an anti sickness tablet. And that wasn’t mentioning the PRN pain killers, anti sickness and sedatives. It was almost a disturbing amount of pills to give a sixteen year old and was worried how many of them where just there to try and knock her out completely. If Mi wasn’t self harming or actively trying to kill her self it meant she was no longer a risk to herself or others and discharge could be considered as early as a weeks time if there were no relapses. The fact that she was so depressed that she couldn’t even dress her self would be of little consequence unless her knew foster parents refused to take her and of course We would not refuse to take her. I loved Mi too much to let her down when she needed someone so much and I knew right then if looking after her meant washing, feeding and dressing her daily I would do it without question even if I had to give up my job in the process.

Scribbling the names of all the tablets down on a piece of paper and putting it in my pocket I took the pot of pills and made my way out of the clinic room door And back up the stairs towards Dream in the hope that the anti sickness pills would at least stop her nausea for a while.

Before I went back I had planned to go and write a note and a review request for doctor Jordan about Mi but on seeing what she was taking wanted to face him head on. Maybe he was right, maybe we couldn’t save everyone but like Crystal it was his job to try and keep trying until something worked and that didn’t mean dishing out tablets that no sixteen year old should of seen like Sweets.

It was not doctor Jordan’s right to give up and I would make sure he didn’t. It might if been true that we didn’t save every patient that came through here, I had seen to many leave worse then they had come in because of funding or time limits on treatments and age but Mi was different for me, I kept her with me all of the time and never left her at the gates when I went home in the evening. No he couldn’t save them all but he had to save her. No excuses.