( Esmee) he hears me calling (Mi's side)

He hears me calling

By now I was running, I had tried to convince my self that I should have at least stayed on the unit and continue my job but there was nothing or no one that could actually persuade me to stay there among the alarms and bells because I didn’t want to here them any more. If my sister was going to die by her own hand I had decided in that instant I didn’t want to be there while it happened; it would hurt too much if I couldn’t save her life if it had been left in my hands.

With my whole body shivering against the soft Autumn rain and the nausea that was still building in my I keyed the code into the gate and once again set off up the road running until I found a more secluded road with then the one I was on turned into it ducked swiftly behind a group of bushes and aloud my self to throw up. Breathing deeply I used the back of my sleeve to whip off my mouth and straightened to an up right position still struggling with age old personal monsters that swirled around me when I came to vomiting.

Most people did not like the act of being sick, most people found it uncomfortable, even painful and only something ever done on a non voluntary basis however like I was with so many things I didn’t mind the pain or the smell or the taste even, granted they where all bad but the act of vomiting to me felt good; good enough to cancel out all the negatives. It was calming process, something that always made me feel better for a little while and every time I was sick the same voice grabbed me somewhere deep in the back of me, I was a fingers length away from having the same feeling over and over and over again; it was my choice.

Felling like I wouldn’t mind curling my self up into a tight ball and sobbing my self I pulled my mobile out of my pocket and flicked the lock off with my finger revealing the same gummy smile of my then six nine month old daughter and my handsome loving husband who had her cradled to his side a glove puppet on one hand entertaining her. Things had been more simple back then.

“I need you, I whispered almost desperately to the phone as I opened my phone books and found his number. “You shouldn’t have your phone on you and you shouldn’t be able to here this ringing but I need you.” I whispered again hovering my finger over the button to call him however it didn’t get that far as at that very moment my phone started vibrating in my had and his name flashed on the face of my phone signalling his incoming call, like somehow, if it hadn’t been completely impossible, he had heard me calling out for him.