(Esmee) but a dream (Mi's side)

But a dream

“please,” I stuttered feeling the tears well up in my eyes as I started to wish I actually had Emmet in the room with me, suddenly every second I could hold onto him seemed very important; for now it seemed again we where to be ripped apart.

“Doctor Carter please don’t make me go, I have a husband and a small daughter to look after and a foster son and thy all need me.” I whined unable to stop the tears falling down over my cheeks, “I don’t want to go.” I squeaked in a high sob the tears finally consuming me as I remember all the little bits I had conditioned my body to forget.

“Esmee I am not making you go anywhere I was just asking about the severity of your depression, you are a very bright young woman and you know better then me about your condition.”

“I tried so heard to have the life that I have now, don’t destroy that in seconds by telling me I have to go all they way back to step one, don’t make me leave him, and please god don’t make me leave her.” I gulped through the rivers of tears that kept falling though my eyes as I imagined not seeing my daughter for days on end, as I imagined not being able to sleep close next to him.

“Esmee I’m not sending you away, it’s OK, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Doctor Carter said gently handing a box of tissues for me to wipe my tears with but as it so often was now once the tears had started they would not stop even if the situation was resolved, it was like there where to many and they all had to go somewhere and the images played on in my head of leaving Mia crying as I left her, of the ward I would share, the RRA’s strapped to someone else wrist apart from mine, lost in the middle of my own life.

“It doesn’t matter what I tell you now though does it; you can’t stop crying anyway.” Doctor Carter said sadly getting off of his seat and coming over to me before crouching down and putting his arm on my upper arm, “It’s all right my love, let me go and get your husband, he might make you feel a bit better,”

I nodded eagerly at having Emmet by my side again, I had only been away from him for a while and my heart ached with loneliness and a fear that he wouldn’t be there in the waiting room for me; what would I ever do if he went away? The thought made a tiny yelp escape from my lungs from the agony it cause me inside.

“I will go and get him, sit tight.” Doctor Jordan said patting my leg once as he got to his feet and made his way to the door before walking to the waiting room And Calling “Emmet Bear” in his official voice.

“I think she needs you by her side right now.” I heard Dr Carter whisper in a deep voice to Emmet just outside his open door.

“Is she all right?” I heard Emmet ask sighing “She is crying again, she doest that far to much lately, you have no idea what I would do to stop those tears.” Emmet sighed the pain in his voice clear to me if it wasn’t to doctor Jordan’s

“I would say she is very depressed right now, but she it’s clear you love her very much and she needs that right now, she will need you to hold on to.”

“I don’t think my loves enough, if it was she would be the happiest woman in the world but I will never leaver her side I just hate seeing her like this, I would do anything to take her pain away.” Emmet whispered his voice far away in his own trial of thought like he was talking to him self rather then my doctor. |”She has no idea how much I love her but maybe that’s a good thing, I sometimes think if she new she might just disappear like she was just a dream for me.”