(Esmee) Easier to hide (Mi's side)

Easier to hide

I got home about an hour later after walking in the rain aimlessly in the general direction of home. For some reason I was drawn there even though I didn’t know why. I knew Emmet would still be in bed sleeping before the kids woke up in the morning and the day started again and I also new that even though I wanted to go in there and talk to him and wail my heart out with him I would not, I would simply slip in behind him and wait until the rest of the world tried to catch up with me.

It didn’t take me long to dry off my hair and change into my night dress before I tip toed into our room and around to my side of the bed and slid in under the sheets next to Emmet at which he stirred and turned his body around to look at me his eyelids fluttering trying to ward off sleep.

He was amazing; the whole of him was just stunning and I truly had no idea why he was here lying in my bed next to me and not in the arms of some amazing beauty who’s life was ordered and normal and that was the very least he deserved in a wife; he did not deserve to stitch up the arms of his mentally unable patient that shared his house and his life with.

“Are you all right my love?” Emmet asked gently leaning forward and plating a soft and gently kiss on the tip of my nose which just went to make my inside’s rip up again with the desperate pain that for some reason I was feeling and couldn’t shift from within me no matter how heard I tried to smile, no matter how much I prayed for my laughter to be true, I wanted to be OK again just like I was before but some part of me felt like I would never fell joy or beauty again and my bottom lip began to quiver in the same warning way it had before. I new how it felt before when I was so unhappy and the thoughts of returning there scared me in no small way.

“Sweet heart,” Emmet whispered reaching out an arm and cupping the side of my face which made the dams behind my eyes burst and the tears flow down over my face as it crumpled and fell apart completely revealing the mess that was inside my outer shell.

“Hay, hay.” Emmet responded his face one of pure concern as he lent forward and pulled my aching body up close into his arms my face against his solid chest

“What’s happened Esmee? I wasn’t expecting you home yet.” I hadn’t expected to come home either I had promised Mi that I would stay by her side but that was before she found out my little secret; that was before she found I was a hypocrite.

“Did something happen? Is Mi OK? Did Mi hurt you?” I could tell the last thought made him angry even though he tried to hide it from me, his over protectiveness could be suffocating sometimes and he knew I felt like this so he tried to tone it down a little.

“Mi’s fine,” I whispered into his chest as I stroked my hand across the smooth contours of his skin while my tears dripped from the end of my nose before making I track down over his chest.

“Well did she hurt you?” Emmet asked tightly bending over my hair and kissing the top of it gently before he pulled my body up closer to his and stroked the hair off of my face that the tears had stuck there

“No she didn’t hurt me but I am hurting; I’m in pain.” I confessed

“Where does it hurt, what has hurt you, have you hurt your self?” Emmet asked concerned pushing his body away from mine slightly so he could observe mine for any cuts of bruises that I might have created, had it really come to that again? Had I really gone back to being a current self harmer that Emmet would have to look after and care for again? Every time he saw me naked would he now be looking for cuts and bruises instead of seeing the woman he loved and desired.

“It hurts inside me,” I said weekly admitting to him the depression I was in. the depression that I had known for a while that was there. I was book smart and experience smart as a nurse on a psyceatric unit to pick up on the signs of depression and I had known if I had seen any of the patients in the unit showing the symptoms I had been masking from Emmet and the rest of the world I would of put them right up in front of a doctor and told them my concerns but when it was inside me I had the concerns I tried to hide it away because I didn’t want to except it was there; it was easy to hideaway.