(Esmee ) Making mistakes, not mistakes (Mi's side)

Making mistakes, not mistakes

“I am not plying a game here or entering into a competition. I am not competing for you Mi I don’t want it so I can put you on my shelf or say I cured you, not all fighting is about winning something; life isn’t meant to be conquered or won it’s just meant to be lived; lived with the one’s you love.”

“That would suggest that you love me.” Mi whispered softly her eyes lids fluttering open briefly before closing again, sometimes it seemed like it was to much for her just to look at me; I could never admit that sometimes I had felt the same way about her; her scares scared me, the cuts I had to stitch on her had horribly triggered me and her physical body at times repulsed me not to mention the tiny glimpses I had gotten at her soul had completely destroyed me however there had also been times when I just couldn’t look away. Whole nights had passed in minutes as I had watched her sleep and other more recant night in the ICU painfully slowly as I watched anxiously as she crashed in and out always ready with my hand on the crash alarm always listening as doctors and consultants talked and always praying; praying to every god I had ever heard of when I over heard them use phrases like “she’s circling the drain,” not to mention almost decking one of the doctors when he questioned weather he should even be treating someone who tried to kill them self and not just letting her so he could get on with some “proper work.” It took Emmet physically restraining me and quietly suggesting that a complaint would work better then me going down for ABH to stop me from punching him in the face not to mention much shouting about how knocking him out might not work as well but would damn sure make me feel better.

“I do love you.” I finally answered gently pulling my self out of my day dream, not able to think of another more suitable and professional way of describing it; she had hit the nail right on the head.

“I think I might find it heard for you to love me and I think it might freak me out sometimes and I can go a bit insane when I’m freaked out.”

“You know what, I have noticed that.” I smiled reaching out and messing up her some what greasy and dirty hair. I had tried a couple of times over the month that had passed to wash her hair put the various tubes and lines had made it almost impossible to make a good job of it. Emmet my self and the other nurses had managed to keep her clean and fresh though bed baths and had sorted her out when there had been ascendants with leaking and blocked cafeter not to mention a few Emmet and my self replaced when an over tired over worked busy nurse tried to shove one in in ten seconds flat and managed to mess it up; I new there was a reason we all had to have general nursing before specializing.

“I will try and be better Esmee, I will try and be good for you, for Emmet and even some of the others but I have tried before and it hasn’t worked out so well.”

“just because you sometimes get anxious or freak out a little doesn’t make you a bad person or no good Mi, We all make mistakes some bigger then others but just because we make mistakes doesn’t mean we are a mistake.”