My secret weapon
“You know it is going to be OK don’t you.” Emmet confirmed gently to me even though I wasn’t so sure my self “I have tomorrow off of work and I’m going to take you to the doctors see if he can prescribe you some anti- depressants again you responded well to the medication last time.”
“I you count them making me physically to tired to kill my self responding well then yeah I suppose you could be right I sighed remembering exactly how zombiefied some anti-depressants made me, it seemed all they really did was make me sleep through the pain.
“Your not feeling suicidal are you Esmee?” Emmet asked in in a whisper, his voice strained at the though of it.
“No,”
“Are you sure? Please tell me the truth.” Emmet pleaded staring into my face with such intensity it felt like I would have caught alight if I had been lying to him; luckily what I was saying was the truth I had not thought about killing my self with any conviction despite the depression.
“I promise you.” I soothed gently reaching up and lacing my fingers into his short dark hair while forcing my self to offer up one small smile to make him feel better, he deserved that much he knew what could come with my current illness as well as I did and It wasn’t all that pretty.
“If it gets bad again Emmet, I’m not saying that it will but I want to make sure but if it does get bad and the tablets don’t work will you stay with me or will you leave, will you brake up with me if I go back to how I was?”
“I am going to stand by your side for ever Esmee weather you are healthy and lively or locked in the ECA at Elm grove lodge. I keep telling you that I am never letting you go, I keep telling you that I can’t live with out you and one day soon I hope you will believe me, my biggest wish in the world is that one day you will see what I see in you.
“I love you Emmet,” I whispered gently wrapping my arms around him and lying my ear against his chest so I could here his heart beating in my ears so it could sooth me to sleep, with that heart beat next to me I could survive the war; he was my secret weapon.
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