(Esmee) he can know everything and nothing. (mi's side)

*IMPORTANT READ ME* if you have all ready read the chapter called though this chapter replaces it as that one has now been deleated!


He can know everything and nothing

“If doctor Carter makes you feels so bad Esmee why do you insist on seeing him all the time? You could always change your doctor and save your self all of this worry if he upsets you.”

“If I changed my doctors I would be walking out on the first man ever to understand and help me when I was falling apart. He sent me to the unit Emmet and all I remember about it is the utter hell I felt there but I was in hell before I went there too, I was dying and he saved me in the only way he could. It’s not doctor Carter that I hate Emmet it fact I think the man is amazing, it is my history I don’t like and I don’t like to think of my self becoming like I as back then; I don’t want to be broken again.” I sighed still having to fight my self so I didn’t get up and leave.

“Esmee Bear.” I still new that deep velvet almost seductive voice and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck As they always did when I heard him, that voice had been the one that talked me out from my hole, that voice had been the one that understood me and now that same velvet soft voice would have to here how I was falling apart all over again. “Would you like to come on through now?”

Trying to stabilize my self internally I got to my feet and brushed my hair over my shoulder, Emmet went to stand to but I pushed him gently back into his chair. There was no real reason why I didn’t want Emmet to accompany me into the room’ I would tell him every detail afterwards any way but I just couldn’t stand to have him in there if I was going to unravel I would rather be alone until I chose for him to see it in the confines of are amazing home.

“Esmee you don’t have to do this alone.” Emmet said gently grasping my hand rubbing his thumb over my wedding ring.

“I know,” I whispered to him responding by rubbing my thumb back over his own wedding band “I will tell you everything when I come out; I have no secrets from you but I need to do this alone OK, please give me this time.” Emmet nodded and begrudgingly let go of my hand allowing me to follow Doctor Carter into his clinic.

　



“So what brings you here today Esmee?” Doctor Carter asked as he signalled for me to sit on the chair beside his desk before he took his own seat bringing up my notes on the computer.

I actually had no idea how I was going to tell him I thought I was depressed; it never normally got brought up in conversation so my survival techniques jumped into action and I had to stop my self before I answered, because I can’t fight off my oversized husband.

“It’s complicated,” I said in a little voice as I felt all the years that had passed drain away from me in an instant, I had never managed to go from 27 to 16 in an instant before but here it had happened and I considered making up some cold symptoms before bolting for the door to freedom.

“That’s OK, why don’t you take it slowly, what are your symptoms?” Dr. Carter asked gently leaning forward on his seat clasping his hands in his lap.

“they are complicated too and I am kind of scared to tell you.” I confessed.

“What are you scared of Esmee?” Dr Carter asked even more softly tilting his head to one side like a puppy that was being talked to. To me the whole conversation was just insane, for a start it had happened before in my head just years ago, we had both aged and both changed but it seemed like he was on step away from taking off his tie and undoing his top button; that made me one step away from trying to hide under his desk.

“I could lose a lot if you react alarmed; I’m not 16 any more. I have a husband who adores me and a daughter that I love. I am a foster mother and I have the most amazing job; I have a lot to lose these days.”

“Am I likely to act alarmed Esmee? You know everything said in here is confidential unless your at risk to your self or others. Are you at risk to your self or others Esmee?”

“I don’t think so; but I’m not sure I am the best person to judge.”

“There is no one better, now to make things a bit easier I am going to make a bold accusation here and maybe you could tell me if I am on the right track. I am guessing that you are not here for a physical complaint.” Doctor Carter said softly abandoning his official spot next to his desk and moving over to the doctors bench where he perched on the side holding onto the edges with his hands; his face set in a warm smile.

“You would be right.” I whispered gently briefly smiling at him before moving my eyes back down to the floor again not able to spend more then a few seconds giving him any attention before my skin started to feel like it was crawling and the stitches on my arms pulling so heard it felt like something was underneath them trying to get out, like the truth that they where there at all; He could know everything apart from the self harm bit and in turn that made him know nothing however that bit had to remain Emmet and My self’s big secret.