(Esmee) Keep me safe

Keep me safe.

“Emmet.” I said gently after the rest of my tears dried up. It was more a case of there being none left to cry rather then better feelings my mood was dark and my thoughts where dangerous.

I normally coped well with what ever the unit could throw at me. Some shifts where hard but with a bit of centring and distraction at the end of it all nothing could really throw me to far out. There was a time when seeing cuts would of triggered something within me now bleeding cuts even self inflicted ones where wounds that needed healing. I no longer envied the immediate release that was given from cutting by felt deeply sorry for the after pain they would feel. The regret the confusion, the frustration and the anger that would undoubtedly set in and make you feel ten times worse then before you actually cut. In a dramatic way cutting was like selling your soul to the devil.

Yes. I did normally cope well with the unit but tonight was different Every coping mechanism slipped when I saw her cold whit body against the ground when I created the black and red bruises against her chest, when with my bare hands I did as much damage to her and probably farm more then what her abusive mother had ever done. I had beaten the broken and abused the abused.

“Emmet.” I whispered again even more quietly half of me hoping he wouldn’t hear me. I new I would not have the courage to utter whisper his name again I could only fight my inside for so long.

“What can I do to help you Sweetheart?” Emmet asked gently he warm breath close to my throat as he nestled his face close into my shoulder and kissed the surrounding are with his perfect silky lips.

“Can you, can you keep an eye on me tonight. I mean I am fine and it is probably nothing of course, and I know am making a big thing of all of this when it isn’t and I of course shouldn’t feel sorry for my self but I don’t know I am shaken a bit even though I shouldn’t be and I know you worked hard this morning and then the rest of the day with the kids.” I said in a nervous babbly that sounded nothing like what I had planed in my head. The words there where calm and ordered and made sense but as soon as the passed my lips they turned into a speech the Clangers would be proud of so defeated I sighed and sunk my body away from Emmet’s onto the floor.

“Esmee are you safe?” Emmet asked gently leaning forward and turning my face so I had to look at his.

“Right now. No I don’t think I am.”