(Esmee's POV) 14 little years (Mi's side)

Ok so i might of had a mini melt down when i wrote this I am not intirly sure why. Writing this just seemed to really upset me. I guess what i am trying to say is i don't think there is any triggger but it could be upsettig any way. Either theat or it could just be because i am mad.

(Esmee's POV) 14 little years
A while later I managed to get to my feet and move out of the hall way and into the sofas in the front room. Where I flopped down on the nearest sofa. Resting my head on the arm I stared blankly at the TV that had long since turned it’s self onto stand bye. It would have been easy to press the button on the remote to turn it back on again but my lack of energy wouldn’t allow it. It was talking all the strength I had to stop me falling of the edge of my very wobbly foundation into oblivion.

“You did everything you could sweet heart.” Emmet said gently as he picked my feet up from the end of the sofa sat down and placed them back on his lap.

“you don’t know that.” I said quietly not looking away from the spot on the television where a speck of dust had caught and was trying to hold on to the screen. At any other day it would of annoyed me being in my line of sight and I would of got a cloth and wiped it away, today I wanted to get some sticky tape and sick it there. To give it some help. I new what it felt like to know you where going to fall off of or be swept away no matter how hard you tried to hold on, and like the speck of dust excepted its face it fell from the screen.

“I know how you feel about her Esmee. I know what she means to you.”

“She is a patient Em, nothing more.” I whispered even though I new what I was saying was a lie and every word burnt my throat as they clawed up it to be released into the world.

“We can’t save them all. I have done all this before. I will bounce back. It’s just a job.”

“You know that isn’t true. You became a nurse to help the people that went through that unit and you would do it weather you had a pay packet come in at the end of the month or not. You know as well as I do if it was just a job you could work a Tesco earn more money a month and probably get a lot better hours.”

I closed my eyes gently and swallowed hard at the tears that had gathered back in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry any more. The tears hurt.
“How are the kids?” I asked trying to change the subject.

“Mia was a bit grizzly just after you left for work. She was a bit confused that she went to bed while you where here and when she woke up you where gone. I have a confession to make as well. I might of rocked her back to sleep.”


I smiled thinking of my perfect little daughters body snuggled in my amazing husbands arms and the way she sucked on her fingers as she drifted off to sleep and the little grumpy face she pulled while she was doing it. I loved the way that she would become instantly soothed if you put her head close to your chest so she could hear your heart beating and how her hands curled tightly around anything that was close enough for her to grab and the way she wouldn’t let go even when she was fast asleep. I loved her life and her warmth and the glow in her cheeks. I loved the fact that she was mine but hated the fact she was so completely fragile as well.

“She was only 14 years older then her Emmet.” I said my tears cracking in my voice again as my mind wondered back to Mi lying so still, pale and cold on the unit floor. She had once been full of life too.
“Just 14 tiny little years. 16 stupid years of life and we are putting her in the ground.” I gulped before letting the new wave of tears wash over me again. Some things where worth the pain of tears.