Dead before it's enough (Mi's side)

Ummmm I hope this is OK. I am not sure. my experance of ED's are really limated so this might be bad.

Dead before it's enough.
I didn’t like doctor Jordan’s office. The entire set up was intimidating ready to crush like an ant anyone who entered that wasn’t as great as the god that dwelled with in the giant wood desk complete with various piles of paper a photo of him family in a ridiculously expensive frame and a stupid little executive toy screamed it’s importance. The giant book cases housing massive thick black medical books with impossibly hard names with perfect non broken spines in precise alphabetical order towered over every one that stood below them. Then there where the Filling cabinets that held the lives and secrets of so many people within them locked up in the corner and only he held the keys to them. Like some how he alone would be the master that would unlock the troubles of every one of Apple gates “screw up’s.” The worse though was the wall of certificates every one giving him a right to Deeside what was normal and was not. What was right and what is wrong. Who’s personality was disturbed and who’s was not. Even the poor goldfish in the algae covered tank looked suicidal being in there.

“I know it is nearly lunch time Mi but I wanted to catch up with you after what happened two days ago. I also need to do a better evaluation of your observations and make sure you are ready to be out of the ECA. So I am going to start by asking you what observations do you think you should be on.”

“none.”

“Now Mi do you truly believe that is where you should be or is that where you would have the best opportunities to damage your self? I personally was thinking Amber or red for the time being. How dose that sound?”

“ I will get one of the nurses to stand and watch you pee and follow you around like a shadow then you can know how that sounds.” I snapped trying to count the number or tiny pinks squares in the carpet under my chair.

“I feel for you Mi I really do. But your heath is the most important thing while you are here with us. I mean could you tell me what happened to land you in the ECA Esmee and Emmet where really concerned about you as you weren’t responding to them and you where talking to your self and this was after putting up a major fight against them at breakfast.”

“It sounds crazy if I tell you will bang me up again and I was hoping to leave here eventually.”

“If you don’t tell me Mi. I can’t help you and you will land up staying longer.”

“I sometimes hear things.” I sighed defeated dragging my feet across the luxury carpet destroying the pattern of the tiny pink speckles. It was against my better judgment to open my mouth and say anything but I had no more energy left to try and preserve anything if they wanted me in an insane hospital I was going to give into being mad.

“Can other people here these things?” Doctor Jordan asked sipping from a mug on his desk as he scribbled something down on a piece of paper.

“If they could it wouldn’t sound crazy would it.”

“So you here sounds? Voices?”

“Just one voice.”

“Someone pacific?”

“She calls her self Sophie and she says she is my only friend she says she will make me thin and perfect, she says with her I will survive.” I mumbled pulling at a lose thread on my trousers and biteing hard on my lip.

“So you like Sophie?”

“I used to, now I have seen the real her and it was the most terrifying thing.” I squeaked shaking my head from side to side to try and drive the misty images of the monster Sophie changed into out of my head before the screaming inside could become vocal.

“Your doing brilliantly Mi.” Doctor Jordan encouraged. “For what it is worth I don’t think your crazy but I have a few more questions and it will be really good if you can answer them. Have you ever seen Sophie Mi?”


“She used to live in the mirror and I could steal quick glances but she was a shadow not really real. But I have seen her once. That morning in the Clinic when I wouldn’t let them tube me. She was so persistent and I was so confused and scared because of getting my period again and then she was just there so real. It seemed imposable that she wasn’t and she was so angry and she changed from beautiful to terrifying and then I don’t remember and now you know as much as me.”

“Do you want Sophie to go away?”

“I am not sure. I have never lived with out her.” I confessed.

“Mi Sophie is a form of psychosis. She is something the sick part of you has made up she fuels the bit of you that is sick with out her you have a better chance of getting better.” Doctor Jordan said softly getting up from behind his desk and coming over to sit on a chair close to me.
“I bet she had never really said anything nice to you.”

“She was trying to help. If I could of just stuck to her plan. If I was stronger.” I spluttered shaking my head again as my breath caught in my throat making me squeak.
“I want to be thin. I just want to be thin and pretty. I want to be thin!” I said desperately looking into Dr Jordan’s eyes the tears building in mine a falling over the edges as the dark blue depression paralyzed me.

“Mi honey.” Doctor Jordan said holding onto my hand. “ I can guarantee you, you will be dead before you are thin enough for Sophie.”