The only exception (Emmets side)

I don't think this chapter is triggering but every one is diffrent take care

The only exception

“ I don’t want to cut Emmet but the pain!” Esmee squealed pressing the palms of her hands into the sides of her head. My head is screaming at me it knows how to make the pain go away.”

“The pain will Go Esmee the pain is not permanent all you have to do Is keep holding on In there.” I said smiling through my own foggy eyes as I took hold of both of her hands and squeezed them in mine.

“I feel sick.” Esmee moaned as she squeezed my hands tight till her fingers went white with the effort” Augh I’m going to throw up.” Esmee said trying to get to her feet as she urged slightly.

“It’s OK, it’s ok I will go and grab a bucket just In case, hang tight for 30 seconds.” I encouraged getting to my feet in a bounce before heading up the corridor again to the upstairs bathroom where we kept a bucket for this purpose alone. Mostly for when Mia had a tummy bag and we spent all night up with her.

Reaching are bedroom again just in time Esmee snatched the bucket out of my hands where she vomited violently on all fours over the bucket her back arching uncomfortably with every bout of heaving her stomach pulling tight and releasing from the effort but this was a good thing she was fighting she wasn’t going to give in like I thought she was. It wasn’t going to me kicking it’s ass it would be even better. She was going to do it for me.

“It’s OK my love. Your doing OK angel.” I said gently as I drooped down by her side and pulled her hair back up off of her face my other hand wrapped over her arching back trying to give the best comfort I could.

“I’m sorry.” Esmee breathed deeply rocking back onto her knees as she wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand.

“It’s OK. You are doing so well and I am right here. I know I can’t do much but I will help you in whatever way I can.”
　
“I am sorry this is stupid.” Esmee groaned trying to steady her breathing that was coming fast making her chest rise and fall in shallow pants. To her there was really something wrapped around it making it imposable for her to breath The vomiting was just a reaction to the anxiety she was feeling and I new it was going to get worse before it got better. It was a nasty bloody fight to the death one would brake Into pieces. The terrible thing was she was fighting with something inside of her self. She could never truly win in a fight with her self.

“Es try and calm your breathing. Your hyperventilating and it sill be making you feel worse it is also what is probably causing the sickness.” I encouraged gently.

“Sorry I can’t do it.” Esmee said shaking hr head even though she tried. “I can’t breath.” She squeaked g the panic raising in her voice as the tears splashing onto her checks from her tightly closed up eyes.

“All right lets try this instead.” I said crawling over the little crowded desk in the side of are room and pulling out a big paper A4 envelop before crawling back and opening it up pressing it over Esmee’s mouth and face. I was aware that treating panic attacks like that wasn’t what people recommended any more and talking people through it was the best idea but the paper bag technique still worked well and it provided quicker relief then someone mindlessly babbling on about the importance of staying calm.

The sounds of the paper on the envelope creasing as she breathed made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck as I watched her fight for every breath to keep up the elevated breathing. To her it felt like she had to breath fast or she wouldn’t be able to breath at all.

“I know it feels bad right now Es but you are having a panic attack OK and this will really help in a little while you just have to keep trying to slow those breaths down.” I soothed rubbing rhythmic slow waves on her back.

It took a while but as always with the paper bag her breath began to slow down until it was back to normal and I pulled the bag away from her face her lips quivering slightly as the tears slipped down over cheeks and onto her lips where she gently licked them off with the tip of her tongue.

“I’m to old for this Emmet. I am to old and I am to tired but if I give up I am going to lose. If I don’t give up I will lose my fucking mind!” Esmee yelled raising her voice to a screech at the last point as she smashed her hand down into the carpet before pulling at the pile with her finger nails.

“Mummy! Mum, mum, Mummy!” Mia screamed from her nursery as the sharp noise of Esmee’s screaming interrupted her sleeping. “Mummy!” She screamed again thins time the tears coming into her voice as she started to wail and shake the rails on her cot making Esmee’s face suddenly cantered. I should o none Mia would be the only exception to the cutting. The only thing that could out power it in seconds.

OK i have a stupid random question about the last chapter that has been eating at me. Should i of made Emmets reaction diffrent when Esmee asked his permission? I wanted it to be compasonet what he was doing but i am woried he come across un caring or pro self harm or somthing?
It is probably nothing but thoughts would be great,
Thanks Vikki