(Esmee) Not a bear, refuse to be a monster. (Mi's side)

Not a bear, refuse to be a monster.

OK I can see how this might seem all a bit rambaly but waht i am trying to but across is how an attempted suice can affect the strongest of people.
pluss i love Esmee's character and i have always wanted to play with her a bit and this is a perfect opotunaty to do that so i am enjoying my self!
I hope yu enjoy it to
Oh P.S I think this could be midly triggering, so take care

“Emmet, that face, you will brake my heart.” I said quietly looking away.

“ Not before you brake mine. Why are you blocking me out? Why won’t you let me help? Don’t you trust me any more? I sometimes worry that I stole you from the world and held you to my self? Do you love me at all Ez? Or did I steal you from something better?”

Emmet’s tone was almost angry as he asked me the unthinkable, an imaginable questions. Had I created this? Had I turned this gentle loving man into something else entirely? Was I really just something he saved from the streets. Didn’t I love hum enough? The only reason I wanted to lie was because I didn’t want to keep being the baby he had to save.

“you know I love you.” I gulped my hands shaking as they gripped onto my jeans. “You know I would only ever want to belong with you.”

“I sometimes wander if you really do.” Emmet moaned putting his face in his hands and sighing heavily.

“Hell man!” I yelled jumping to my feet throwing my hands into the air. “ The only reason I lie is because I love you! If I didn’t I wouldn’t care how you fucking well saw me! I want to be your wife not your baby or you patient. I want to be perfect in every thing I do for your from cooking your tee to having sex with you but I am never that women!” I screamed the tears pouring over my cheeks making my vision blurred which right then I was thankful for. I wasn’t sure I could stand watching him walk away from me after I had finished.
“I will never be good enough to deserve you Em. To deserve the life you have given me I have never been good enough and I never will be! Why the hell do you think I sometimes want to kill my self? Because I imagine your world with out me and sometimes all I see is with out me, you would have it all!” I wailed storming out of the room to the kitchen before yanking open the top cupboard in a haze of anger and pain and grabbing the box of painkillers. If I wasn’t a good enough Bare I wouldn’t be anything. There was no way I would settle for becoming a monster again.